Exhausted mum’s relatable post strikes a chord: “Today I hated my kids”
If you’ve ever found yourself a) screeching at your child in a voice you don’t recognise b) sobbing uncontrollably at your lot in life and/or c) wracked with guilt at the thoughts you’ve been having about parenting. Join. The. Club.
Mummy meltdown
Parenting will challenge every single cell in your body at times, with a hefty hangover of parent guilt that can last an entire lifetime.
Instagrammer Attempting To Mum, Laura Bentley took to social media as she coped with the fallout from one of these mum moments. Laura has four children and her confessional post provides a relatable glimpse into the feelings parents wrestle with while trying to raise children.
“Today I hated my kids,” she wrote. “I yelled at them. I swore as loud as I could. I slammed my door. Then I sat on the ground and I bawled my eyes out.”
We feel you, Laura.
“I scared them”
Momentarily, Laura crossed that sadly familiar line where she didn’t quite recognise herself, and her kids twigged pretty quickly … and kind of freaked out.
“I scared them,” Laura writes. “I saw it in their eyes. I couldn’t help it and for the first time ever I didn’t have that immediate rush of guilt for the way I’d acted. In that moment I hated them. I hated them and I hated being the person in charge. I hated the responsibility of having kids and hated being the one that has to do everything for them.”
These fleeting moments are the rock bottom of parenting, often lasting for only a second or two, but playing again and again in overwhelmed parents’ minds for days (weeks, months, years?!) to come.
“I cried so hard and so loud, I had an instant headache and heartache,” Laura admits.
“I cried because I am overwhelmed that I’m responsible for 4 small humans, one grown human and I feel burnt out and under appreciated.”
‘Blessed’ and ‘grateful’ can only take us so far
While Laura – who has just experienced the kind of mummy meltdown many of us have gone through – thanks her lucky stars for who and where she is, gratitude can not magically erase exhaustion, the hyper-vigilance modern parenting requires, or the mental load of nurturing wee children to adulthood. That #blessed hashtag is simply not enough, sometimes.
“I’m so lucky and blessed to have children. I’m aware and grateful. I’m also human, there’s only one of me and I’m exhausted. I feel like I’m expected to fulfil everyone else’s needs and somehow just get past the fact that no one even listens to me. There’s only so much I can give before I break and turns out, today was the day.”
While Laura concluded that she’d “failed mum life today” and that her “kids deserve better” she’s still actually a winner because she’s not only pushing on, she’s talking about the tough stuff to de-stigmatise feelings many other parents experience.
“We break down sometimes”
Other parents were quick to relate their own mum meltdowns and dark dad days, in support of Laura’s nightmare day.
“I love your posts and how they show the honestly of motherhood, no bullshit. You’re a great mum and … not alone in how you feel.”
“I can relate to this so much! Always find it refreshing to see posts about the not so perfect side of parenting: we’re all human at the end of the day. Doesn’t mean we’re not grateful.”
“You are not alone. I get days like this too. Being a Mum is so hard and yes, we are only human. We break down sometimes. You’re still the best Mum in their eyes.”
If you or a parent you know is consistently finding things super-tough, consider getting in touch with PANDA. They’re on standby, ready to support mums and dads through difficult times.
