I’m Fine with it if My Son is a Late-night Bed-hopper.
Toddler bed sharing is a common experience for many Australian parents, especially when little ones seek comfort during the night. When my toddler crawls into my bed, it’s a reassuring moment that strengthens our bond and provides him with a sense of safety. Understanding this behaviour helps parents embrace these special night-time visits with love and patience. toddler development. Raising Children Network.
Around 1 am is always the time. Four-year-old bursts in through the door and climbs up into bed, without saying a word. He burrows himself between my husband and Ime. He pulls the covers up close to his chin, and his soft breathing soon gives way to a rhythmic, light snore. Even though I am usually awakened from a well-deserved sleep, I smile.
He’s home. He’s safe. He is exactly where he should be, and I would like him to also be.
“Put him back to bed!” — The Advice That I Have Stopped Following
As a young mother, I followed the advice of books, experts, and well-meaning family members who cautioned me against “starting bad habits”. Every time he sneaked into our bed, I’d pick him up and gently carry him to his bedroom, tucking him in his sleeping form as if I were following some sacred parenting protocols. parenting advice.
The cycle was always repeating itself. He would return an hour later, with a thump. He always returned, like a boomerang with an active heart.
We tried every method in the book: a regular bedtime routine; a soothing nightlight; a diffuser of essential oils that calms you down. Even a playlist of lullabies. He wouldn’t stay in his bedroom the entire night.
For what are we fighting?
Is my son’s comfort more important than his ability to sleep independently? Is it more important to teach him how to “self-soothe” at 3 am than just being there for him if he is afraid or lonely?
The answer came fast. No. The season of parenting will be short, and our beds can accommodate one more person. We stopped resisting.
We’ve Tried Everything, but He Just Wants Us
We have. A nightlight that looks like a small moon is beside his bed. He’s not sleeping alone, as his younger brother is in the cot across the room. We have offered stickers, new pajamas, and bedtime stories about bravery.
I’ve realised that what he really wants is simple: strong data-end=”2619″ data-start=”2604″>reassurance/strong>. Now I know what he wants: assurance. It’s comforting to know that mum and dad will always be close. Skin-to-skin safety in the darkest of hours.
He doesn’t ask for a reward. He was to me.
He’s not manipulating, misbehaving, or trying to make things harder. He is just a child who’s trying to make sense of the vast night. How many adults need to be warmed by another person to sleep?
What Does it Really Matter?
I used to be worried that I was “doing things wrong”. That I was setting him up for future dependence issues or making it harder for him in the long term
Now I’m thinking: What if I’m not?
When newborns need to be rocked or sleep on our chests, we don’t blink an eye. Why does it differ for a child of four years old?
Yes, I’m sleep-deprived. Yes, I would love to sleep uninterrupted. If the price is that my child has to suffer nighttime loneliness or fear, I am not willing to pay it.
It’s a beautiful thing to be someone’s safe place. It’s about being the person that they come to without hesitation when they are scared. This bond formed in the darkness will stay with me long after he has stopped coming to our room. baby care.
The day will come now.
What About My Marriage
Let’s talk about logistics. Let’s talk logistics.
Not because he was banished. He’s not angry. Three in a bed is too crowded for him, and he believes we will all sleep better.
No, it hasn’t hurt our marriage. We still talk – over dinner, after the children go to bed, or during a shared giggle at a show that we both enjoy. It’s not just about sleeping on the same mattress. It’s all about sharing glances, inside jokes, and mutual respect.
Do we have as much sex now as we did in the past? Most likely not. It’s not that our son goes to bed at 11 pm. We have two small children, a mortgage, and careers. By 9 pm, we are both exhausted. That’s parenthood.
Although the Experts May Disagree, My Heart Doesn’t.
I am aware of what experts have to say. I’m aware of the literature that touts the benefits of children sleeping independently and consistently. I am aware that developmental routines are important. Yes, I do know that co-sleeping may not be for everyone.
My son will not always be four years old. He won’t need to call his mother in the middle night. He’ll be sleeping through the night, a nd I will wake up and not hear little feet pounding the hallway.
I’ll miss his whispering, “Mummy?” before crawling under the covers. I’ll miss how he drapes my arm around my neck and sighs with contentment. I’ll miss it all.
For now, I am soaking in the experience.
What About the Other Child?
You may be wondering what will happen when your baby outgrows his cot. This is a question I have asked myself many times.
Will we have a house full of visitors at midnight? Maybe. Will we have to set some firmer boundaries in the future for everyone’s sake? Possibly.
When I reach that point, I’ll be there. Parenting is not static. What works today might not work in a month. What you find manageable today, tomorrow it might seem overwhelming. It’s okay. This is the rhythm of raising children. Raising Children Network.
This Too Shall Pass
Since becoming a mother, I have repeated this phrase to myself many times: It will pass.
Everything is applicable. Teething. Toilet training. Tantrums. Night awakenings. Yes, you can get up at midnight.
I don’t even know when he will stop. It could be gradual. One night, he might not come home, nd I will be awake wondering where he went. Maybe I will sneak into ‘s bed for a last cuddle.
I won’t rush this phase until then. I don’t push him to independence because he isn’t ready for it. I meet him where he is — tired, scared, and in need of comfort.
How about being honest? I am honoured to provide that comfort.
Conclusion
Parenting isn’t just about checking boxes and following someone else’s rules. Listening to our children and instincts is key.
The choice is between connection and convention. Comfort over conformity. It’s important to understand that independence is not the only thing that matters. Trustclosenes e, closeness, and safety are also essential.
My son jumps from bed to bed at midnight. He is not broken. He is not behind. He’s just a little kid who needs to call his mother in the middle night.
It’s okay.
It’s more than okay.
I’m grateful.
