Separation anxiety: How To Help Your Child Settle at Daycare

It can be difficult to leave your child at daycare. Many parents feel the weight of the entire world on their shoulders during the first few moments of separation, especially if your child is crying and seems uneasy. Feelings of guilt may arise in such circumstances, making you question your parenting choices. Separation anxiety is part of a child’s normal development and often improves with time.

Understanding Separation Anxiety

What is separation anxiety?

Separation anxiety affects primarily infants and toddlers. Separation anxiety is usually manifested when a child feels distressed after being separated from the primary caregiver. This isn’t just a case of a child missing their parents; this is primarily a struggle for the child to grasp the concept of object permanence, or that someone can still exist even if they are out of sight. This understanding can be developed in early childhood and peak between the ages of six months to three years.

What does separation anxiety look (and sound) like?

We are all familiar with the range of crying, from mild sniffles to full-blown tantrums. How can you tell the difference between typical tears and separation anxiety? Kimberley O’Brien, an educational and developmental psychologist at The Quirky Kid Clinic, Sydney, explains how separation anxiety can feel intense both for the child and parent.

Separation anxiety can be traumatic for infants and toddlers, Dr. O’Brien says. They may cry for long periods, sometimes three to four hours. This is a sign that they need comfort from their primary caregiver.

It’s important to note that some children may cry a lot at the drop-off, only to calm down after their parent leaves. You can communicate with the caregiver of your child to learn how long they cry and if it is consistent. This will help you better gauge your child’s emotional state.

 

When does separation anxiety peak?

Dr. O’Brien says that the ideal age for separation anxiety is around two years of age. Infants may naturally cling onto a familiar caregiver before this age. When introducing your baby to daycare for the first time, building a relationship with a caregiver you trust can help ease the transition.

Separation anxiety is common in children under two years old. You may notice that your child is clinging on to your legs, or watching you as you leave. This is completely normal but can be a bit distressing for you both. This phase is common and temporary for children. This is a common developmental milestone, and understanding that can ease your concerns.

Can it get better?

Absolutely! Separation anxiety usually improves with time. Dr. O’Brien says that children will adjust to new situations and caregivers in about six weeks. Even though it can be difficult to leave your child when they are upset, persevering through this period can have positive results.

Dr. O’Brien says that in most cases it will settle. Parents will notice a reduction in crying with time. Caregivers often report that the distress subsides in five to ten minutes.

Do you have any long-term effects?

Separation anxiety is not a long-term problem, according to Dr. O’Brien. Your child’s behavior may change temporarily, such as wanting to be close to you when picked up or showing anxiety when given to another caregiver.

She explains that children tend to be cautious when they experience separation anxiety. These effects usually don’t last past the preschool years. By the age of three or four, children are more used to other care settings.

How you handle separation anxiety has lasting effects. While it might be easier to sneak away when dropping off your child, Dr. O’Brien warns against this. Make it a point to tell your child goodbye and let them know that you’ll be back. This helps to build trust, and the experience is less traumatizing.

How to help your child cope with separation anxiety

1. Introduce your child to the caregivers and environment

Knowing the people who will be caring for your child’s needs can help to reduce their anxiety. Spend time with your child at the daycare, so they can explore the facility and get to know their future caregivers. A few visits to the daycare can help your child become more comfortable with their new surroundings. Engage your child in fun activities during these visits to help them form positive associations with their daycare.

2. Introduce a Comfort item

Bring a familiar item from home, such as a blanket or toy. This can provide comfort in stressful situations. Try placing the object close to your body for a few minutes to transfer your scent. This can be soothing to young babies. This simple act will help your child to feel secure and connected even if you are apart.

3. Use a Reassuring tone

Speak in a calm, reassuring tone when saying goodbye. As children are very sensitive to emotional tones, using a soothing voice can ease their fears. You can frame the experience positively by using phrases like “You are going to have a lot of fun today, and I will be back after naptime to pick you up.”

4. Manage your anxiety

It’s important to control your anxiety when dropping off your child. You can approach the situation calmly by taking a few deep breaths and remembering that this is part of your child’s development. Adopt a positive attitude and have confidence in the ability of your child to adapt.

5. Keep goodbyes short and positive

Say goodbye quickly and with a smile. Letting things linger can make you and your child anxious. Your child will feel more secure if you give them a quick hug and say goodbye cheerfully. It is important to establish a routine that will help your child understand that separations are a part of life.

What about parents? What about parents?

Your emotional state has a major impact on how your child will handle separation. Here are a few things to remember:

• Trust The Process: Remind yourself that your child’s separation anxiety is normal and is part of their development. Remember that it’s normal to feel a loss but this phase will pass. You can feel your emotions, but you should also focus on the positives of this transition.
• Concentrate on the Benefits Recognize how your work and career contribute to your family’s wellbeing. It is not just important for you to have a career, but for your personal growth and fulfillment. You can teach responsibility to your child by demonstrating a strong work ethic.

Supporting your child through separation anxiety

Understanding separation anxiety and how to support your child is essential. Most common between 6 months and 3 years old, when children are still learning to accept separation as temporary.

Separation anxiety symptoms

Watch out for these signs:

• Frequent tears during drop-off.
• Clinginess increases when you leave.
• Clinging or crying in new situations. This is especially true between six months and three years.
• When you refuse to sleep alone at night or show anxiety after sleeping through the night.

Separation anxiety: How to help your child cope

It’s important to help your child deal with their separation feelings without feeling guilty. Here are a few strategies to think about:

1. Talk about Future Plans

Talk about your plans to do something together when you are reunited. This will help ease the anxiety of your child. You can reassure your child by saying “I’ll pick up you after work and we can go together to the park.” Talking about plans can help frame their separation as a positive experience.

2. Practice Short Separations

Start by leaving your child for short periods with a family member or trusted friend. Gradually extend the time to get them used to being away from you. This will help them adjust to the separation, but also increase their confidence when caring for others.

3. Use comfort objects

Encourage your child’s favorite blanket or toy to be a portable item. When your child is feeling anxious, a familiar object can help soothe them. Consider giving your child a comfort object to help them feel secure.

4. Validate their Feelings

Listen to your child with compassion. Pay attention to their non-verbal signals, such as fussing and extra clinginess. You can acknowledge their feelings by saying, “I understand that you are sad when I leave. But I will be back soon and you will have fun here.”

5. Introduce new caregivers gradually

Before the first day of solo care, set up a few meet-and-greet sessions with your new babysitter. This familiarity will ease your child’s adjustment and build trust with the new caregiver.

6. Keep Your Goodbyes Brief

Both children and parents find it difficult to say goodbye. During this time, try to stay calm and positive. Smile, reassure the child and leave quickly. This can help your child get used to dropping off and learn that you’ll be back.

Parent Tips to Help with Transitions

Preparation, routine and patience are key to overcoming separation anxiety. You may be just as anxious as your child when dropping them off. Here are some strategies that you can use:

1. Create Quick Goodbye Rituals

Create a short, sweet goodbye ritual. Keep it short and sweet, whether it’s a series or kisses, an extra handshake or a promise to have fun when you come back.

This ritual will become a source for comfort to your child, as they begin to associate it with you returning.

2. Establish Consistency

Follow the same routine for dropping off your child each day. This will help them build confidence in their abilities. A predictable routine can reduce anxiety and create a sense of security. Consistency is key to helping your child develop the confidence to cope with separation.

3. Pay Full Attention

Focus on your child when it is time to say goodbye. Before you leave, show them your love and affection. This kind of focused attention will help reassure your child they are valued and loved.

4. Keep Your Promises

It is important to build trust. Follow through on your promises. You may increase their anxiety if you visit them unexpectedly. Consistency is essential to building trust.

5. Specific

When discussing your return, use language your child understands. Use language your child understands when discussing your return.

6. Practice Being Apart

Consider having family or friends care for your children for short periods. This will help them to gradually adjust to being away from you, and give them confidence that they can be independent. The frequent short separations will help them build resilience and strengthen their ability to cope.

Conclusion

Separation anxiety occurs in early childhood and is common. It can be difficult, but it will usually go away as the child grows older. Consult your pediatrician if you are concerned about the anxiety of your child or if this is affecting their health.

You are not alone on this journey. Parents often feel the same guilt and worry. You can help your child manage their emotions by using these strategies. It may seem overwhelming at first, but you and your child can overcome separation anxiety with love, patience and time.