The worst thing about having a newborn is the lack of sleep. It can seem like the situation will never end, even when people tell you that it will be over ‘one day.’ Calling a baby sleep expert can feel like a lifeline in these moments of despair. You may feel that it is so far away that you could lose your mind.
Why bother? Why are they speaking to you at all? Why? Sleep deprivation can make you angry. You may also feel a little fuzzy.
Your First Baby Will Lull You Into a False Asleep Sense
Despite my enthusiasm for baby care, I learned parenting on the job. One of the things that I have learned along the way is that what works well for one child may not work as well for another. My three children were all different and I had a different approach to each one.
It was easy to get along with my first child. He was so naturally calm that I didn’t have any problems. I was clueless about the sleep, feed, play rhythm and spent hours every day rocking my baby in the belief that infants need to sleep. He would squirm a bit, but then he’d just go to sleep.
After he turned three months old, I transitioned him smoothly from the bassinet next to my bed to a cot. And when I decided it was time to teach him to sleep through the night, I employed the slowly creep-out-of-the-room method. It involved placing him in his crib and, on the first evening, sitting next to him while my arm was through the bars. Each night, I slowly removed myself. Slowly, I moved towards the door. I eventually reached the door and then the hallway
Your Second Baby Does Not Want To Sleep With You
After 10 years, my second child arrived. I felt like I was starting over and forgot everything I knew. I also had a different personality. This baby was loud, communicative and delightful, unlike his calmer sibling. This baby has always wanted to be near me. We were not separate. I also wanted to always be near him. He would look at me with the biggest brown eyes I had ever seen and the longest lashes, and I felt like this baby needed me. I can’t let him be alone!
In his first five months, he would sleep in bed with his father and me, or in a baby hammock next to our bed, but was most comfortable snuggled to me, like a puppy.
The 10-Minute Nap From Hell
It happened. Around six months old, he still slept with us but he began waking up every 40 minutes. After that, he woke up every 10 minutes. Then every 10. I was exhausted. Crazy tired. My partner was a wreck. He had to wake up every day at 5 am to go to work. It was time to act.
Sleep Expert
A baby sleep expert was recommended to me by a friend. Jo Ryan explained to us after a phone consultation that she would create a program that would teach us how to get our baby to sleep all night and that she would also provide follow-up consultations to check on us.
Jo’s advice to replace my baby’s dummy with a comforting stuffed animal was not only successful but is one of the most prized possessions of our son. She gave us other advice that was both developmentally appropriate and specific to our child’s needs. She created a schedule that worked with our family’s real-life schedule.
It Almost Broke Us, But It Didn’t…
It was not easy to get my second child to sleep. It was important to use the same techniques consistently. Unlike my first child, a lot more crying occurred. Not only by the baby. We both took turns to settle him. Sometimes we felt like we were broken.
It worked. After three weeks, he was sleeping through the night. He continued to sleep through the night.
Most of my friends had sleep problems with their babies, so I recommended Jo to them.
Sleep Advice that Works
Jo’s knowledge was invaluable to me when I had my third child. It was much easier because I knew exactly what to expect. Jo was able to help me with a few things, such as the 4-month sleep regression. I was learning by doing. Jo was a great help.
Find Out What Works For You
I strongly believe every parent should do what is right for their child and themselves. No one is more qualified to meet your baby’s specific needs than you. Jo’s experience taught me that there was a way to get some sleep.
How to Settle Your Baby And Help Him Sleep
Around six months, babies’ sleep patterns begin to mimic those of adults. They no longer require as much feeding and sleep longer at night. Some babies cry all night, which prompts parents to react to their baby’s needs. This practice is encouraged by the Government. The government encourages this practice, called responsive settling. It involves recognizing the signals and signs that your baby is tired, so you can understand when help is needed. It is important to always be available for your baby when they are distressed. Create a positive atmosphere and establish routines to help your child settle down at night. Each baby and family are different. It’s important to pick a strategy that suits your family and baby.
Sleeping With Your Baby In Parental Presence
Parental presence can be a very effective way to teach your child to sleep on their own. However, it will take a little longer for you to see results compared to the other methods. You will have to commit to this approach for at least seven to ten nights, whenever your child is awake. You should not engage with your child at this time. The goal is to break down the link between your attention and your child’s sleeping habits.
What Does Parental Presence Mean?
To be a parent, you must first stay with your child until they are asleep. Over a period that is right for your family you can gradually remove your presence. This should be done in a calm, natural way to build trust with your child.
This gentle infant sleep-training method is great for parents who feed or hold their babies while they sleep, and want to help them learn to settle themselves.
When Should I Sleep-train My Baby?
The parental presence method will be implemented from the very first day, even if you don’t know it. It is instinctive to rock, cuddle, feed and pat our babies as they sleep or cuddle them to their chests for their naps. In the first few weeks, this is a great way to build a relationship of trust and love. Your child will know that you’re always there to help them. Remember that your baby has to go through a massive womb-to-world adjustment. Your warmth, comfort, security and nourishment provide the perfect transition.
You may have noticed that your baby has started to establish a routine around 4-6 months. It is at this age that you can start to work on self-settling techniques and implement Parental Presence. You may also be looking for the best method of infant sleep training for your family at this age.
Use Parental Presence
- Decide what time you will go to bed.
- Start a positive routine for bedtime (such as taking a warm shower and reading a good book).
- If possible, place your baby in their crib while they are still awake or drowsy.
- Good night, baby. Gently pat it.
- Pretend to sleep on a mattress or bed in your child’s bedroom with the nightlight on.
- Make a little noise or move (such as coughing, turning over or turning your baby) to let your baby know you’re there.
- Try not to pick up your baby if he or she is distressed. Instead, use gentle words and touch them.
- After one or two minutes, lie back and pretend to be asleep.
- Repeat this process every time your child is upset or awake. Repeat this process for daytime sleep and naps.
- Continue the strategy for seven nights.
- You can go back to your room after 3 consecutive nights of minimal disturbance.
- You can use the same strategy if your baby’s sleeping pattern is disrupted once again.
Let’s go through these five stages together. Just to repeat, there’s no hurry to get through these stages. You and your baby can go at the pace you both feel comfortable with.
Step 1: You rock, hold or feed your baby as you put him to sleep. Whatever works best for your baby. Before transferring them into their safe sleeping space, let them fall asleep while you hold them. Say your goodnight phrases.
Step 2 Place your baby in their crib while they are still awake but remain there. You can stroke their head or pat their bottom until they go to sleep. This will reassure them that you’re there, and it is better than holding them. As you do this, say your goodnight phrase. Give your baby a dummy or soother to help them settle.
Step 3:Lie down or stand next to the cot of your baby until they are asleep. At this stage, we want to gradually stop stroking and patting your baby. However, if they get upset or irritable then you should reassure them that it’s OK to do so. Instead, use a positive, reassuring phrase as a way to let your child know you’re there and that you love him/her.
Step 4: Continue to say the goodnight phrase while standing or sitting in the middle, so that your baby can see you.
Step 5: Stand at the door and wait until your child falls asleep. Say your goodnight phrase.
Conclusion
The challenges of newborn sleeping can be exhausting for parents. Sleeping patterns vary greatly between children, which highlights the need to tailor sleep strategies for each child’s unique personality. Parental presence is a great way to encourage independence and make your child feel secure. It may take a while to achieve restful sleep, but it is important to be patient and persistent, as every little step will bring you closer to your goal. Finding what works best for your family and you is the key. No one knows better than you about your baby’s requirements. Trust your instincts and embrace the process. This phase will pass, no matter how difficult it seems.
