Why Toddlers Make Productivity Impossible

It’s a myth that pre-parenthood is a time when you can continue your life as normal. There will be sleepless nights, nappies, and more laundry. But with a good routine and organisation, you can still get everything done. Why Toddlers Make Productivity Impossible

Spoiler Alert: It’s a lie.

As soon as your baby becomes a toddler, the life you know vanishes. Toddlers can be adorable, unpredictable and sometimes completely bonkers. But are they productive? No. Not even close. There are 11 real reasons why trying to get anything done while a toddler is in tow can feel like running a marathon through molasses with an octopus on your leg.

Why Toddlers Make Productivity Impossible

1. Grocery shopping is for the brave

You have this down to an art. What’s on your shopping list? Check. Check. Check. Check. Everything is packed. It’s all packed.

It is never the case.

Within 30 seconds, your toddler will want to get out of the cart. The toddler wants to carry everything (Mum, I MUST carry the raw poultry !”), Rearrange apples and negotiate for snacks not even in your food category. You use reasoning, bribery, distraction with car keys and even animal impressions to buy five extra minutes.

When you finally reach the cashier, sweat dripping down your shirt and wondering the day of the week, you realise that you forgot to buy milk. You forgot the milk. Dinner was dependent on that one ingredient. Every. Single. Time.

2. Nap Time battles could break a Navy SEAL

The concept of nap time sounds wonderful, at least in theory. The idea of nap time is to bring calm to a chaotic day. It can be used to do laundry, make tea or just sit down and think about your name.

Toddlers do not nap because they are tired. They sleep because they have finally lost their will to resist. Before that, what? It’s war.

The stalling, false alarms and potty trips are all common. There are also existential questions (Mummy, why does the sky exist? and a slow crawl to bed, as if they were being dragged into a medieval prison. You’re emotionally exhausted by the time your child finally falls asleep. You just lie on the floor, staring up at the ceiling, and thinking about the choices you made in life.

3. Toddlers have the attention span of a goldfish when they are on Red Bull

It’s impossible to finish any task, whether it is sending an email, calling someone, or simply brushing your teeth.

You begin a task. They want water.
You return. They need to be cuddled.
You sit down. You sit down.
It’s time to clean. They’re now climbing up the kitchen counter.

You feel as if you are constantly leaving half-completed to-do lists in your wake, like a breadcrumb path through your day.

4. Each Meal is a Tactic of Negotiation

It’s not about routine or nutrition when it comes to feeding a toddler. It’s about psychological warfare.

You prepared their favourite meal. They shout. You provide an alternative. They cry louder. You give them a piece of a banana. Then they throw it across the room.

They sneak a taste of the food you prepared five minutes earlier and proclaim it to be the best they have ever eaten.

The kitchen is a mess at the end of a meal. You’re searching “Is ketchup a vegetable?” on Google for the hundredth or so time in a month.

5. Experts in Undoing Your Work

You folded your laundry? Then they unfold it.
What do you mean by sweeping the floor? The floor is covered in biscuit crumbs.
Have you organised the toys? The “reorganise” the shelf by throwing everything behind the couch.
You’ve just sent an email. They press all the keys at once to rename the “xgkdh3 $$&.”

It’s like trying to extinguish a fire by using gasoline to clean with a toddler around. Wait until they are asleep or 17 years old.

6. They want to “help” (but not really)

They love to imitate. When they see you wiping down the counter, they want to help. Saying yes to the cuteness of it all, you suddenly find yourself cleaning an entire bottle.

Do they want to cook with you? This is code for having flour in their hair and cracked eggshells mixed into the batter. They also refuse to eat the final product.

The vacuum cleaner is their greatest enemy until you turn it off. No matter how much they “help”, you still can’t do anything because you are too busy trying to undo their help, or just survive.

7. They don’t understand the concept of urgency

You have an important call? A deadline looming? You need to leave in 5 minutes.

Congratulations! That’s exactly the moment when your toddler decides to wear the dinosaur onesie that is in the washing machine, needs to poop yet again or suddenly wants their shoes for the very first time.

They are not hurried. Ever. Toddlers have no concept of time. You will, however, age ten years trying to get everyone outside before sunset.

8. Silence is Terrifying

You would think that a toddler who is quiet and contented is a gift. You would be wrong.

You know that something is wrong when the noise stops. There’s no screaming, no running and no crashing.

You tiptoe, your heart pounding to find them. You will find either:

• The toilet paper is shredded in the bathroom.
• Sudocrem is used to cover a toddler from head to foot.
• Or the dog wearing bright pink lipstick.

You’ve lost an hour cleaning up, you may have even damaged your sanity and your security bond.

9. They sleep like they’re on high alert

Even when bedtime arrives, peace is not guaranteed.

You may find your toddler sleeping peacefully in their bed, but by 2 am, they are lying on the pillow with one foot on you and a toy under your ribcage.

If you breathe too loudly or the floor creaks, they will wake up. What if you nap five minutes longer than usual during the day? Your hard-earned bedtime will disappear in a puff.

It is not uncommon to go to sleep early with good intentions, only to find yourself playing music beds for half of the night.

10. Their emotions are… intense

Toddlers are able to hear everything loud and clear.

Why didn’t you let them drink their bathwater? Betrayal.
Asking them to wear pants? Cruelty.
Did you give them the wrong spoons? Catastrophe.

They feel joy, frustrations, hunger, fatigue, and love at 100%. As their primary audience and emotional anchor, you are expected to absorb it all and respond accordingly, while still acting like an adult.

It’s a huge win if you can get through a day without crying.

11. You’re Tired. All. The. Time.

Technically, you could sleep. Technically, you could sit down throughout the day. You may technically sit down during the day.

Even in the quietest moments, you are constantly planning. You plan meals, count nappies, wonder if a cough is serious or schedule doctor’s visits, birthday parties and even what to do about the strange crayon art on your wall.

It’s impossible to do anything additional, like starting a project or decluttering your garage.

What is the Takeaway from this?

You’re not the only one who feels like they’re constantly behind, awash in chaos, and at the mercy of a small dictator. The toddler years can be exhausting and full of contradictions. It’s the hardest time to “get anything done,” but ironically, you are doing the most important job of all.

You’re raising someone, one cuddle, snack or meltdown and bedtime story at a time, even if your house is a mess and your list of to-dos remains unfinished.

In the grand scheme, that is pretty impressive.

Be kind to yourself. Laundry can wait. You can let the dishes pile up. You can postpone that project.

You’re already a superhero for surviving toddlerhood.