We Need to Talk about Dads
In parenting discussions, the focus is often on mothers. This is not without reason. In Australia, as in many other countries around the world, mothers are responsible for most of the baby care, housework, and nighttime wake-ups. The focus of many parenting self-care discussions is on mums who desperately need time to recharge, refuel, and regain their sense of themselves.
Fatherhood has evolved rapidly, but many fathers still aren’t aware of the importance e mental health and self-care. It’s important to recognize that dads also need breaks, support, and strategies to cope.
This blog will explore the importance of self-care to dads, the unique challenges they face, how fatherhood has changed over time, and practical tips for dads on how to prioritise themselves without feeling guilty or misunderstood.
The Traditional View of Fatherhood and Why it’s Changing
For many decades, the dad’s role was the breadwinner – the man who worked long days while the mother stayed at home to care for the children. These roles may still be real in many families, but societal expectations about fatherhood have changed significantly over the past few years.
Fathers today are expected to be hands-on parents, sharing in feeding, changing nappies, bedtime routines, and emotional labor. It’s encouraged that they be more emotionally present, nurturing, and available to their partners and children. This change is welcomed by many dads. For others, however, the change is overwhelming or confusing.
Clive Williams, clinical psychologist and parenting expert, highlights an important tension: “Many fathers still feel they must be the 1950s version – strong, stoic and responsible for financial stability.” Modern fatherhood requires emotional engagement and active caregivers, which can be a challenge.
Dads may feel stretched to the limit by this dual expectation and may be unable to balance competing demands of work, family, and personal needs. In this environment, it is easy for their well-being to be neglected.
Dads Need to Take Care of Themselves, Too
Mums need a break when they are exhausted, overwhelmed, and burned out. Dads also face pressures and stress, sometimes invisibly and quietly. Neglecting the needs of fathers for self-care can lead to a number of problems.
- An increased risk of mental issues such as depression, anxiety, and stress
- Burnout or communication breakdown can strain partner relations
- Reduced quality of interactions between parent and child due to exhaustion or frustration
- Feeling alone in your parenting journey
Self-care doesn’t mean being selfish. It’s essential to maintaining good mental health, and being a great parent or partner.
Clive Williams said, “Everyone needs to take care of themselves.” Self-care for women may mean nurturing their psychological and emotional well-being. Men’s self-care can look different. It could be some “boy time” or a fun time to reset.”
What Does Self-care Look Like for Dads?
Dads might approach self-care in a different way from mums. Mums often speak about “me time”, where they unwind by taking a bath, doing yoga, or going on coffee dates. It is important to keep in mind that it doesn’t look the same on everyone.
For dads, self-care might include:
1. Pursuing Hobbies and Interests
Many fathers find relief from their parental duties by engaging in activities. One dad may go on a long bicycle ride, while another finds refuge in music.
One mum shares, “My husband finds a vacant building and plays his electric guitar.” I used to find it odd, but now he tells me it’s part of his “yoga”-his way of recalibrating.
Hobbies aren’t about avoiding responsibilities–they’re about replenishing energy and mental clarity.
2. Spending Time with Friends
Dads need to take care of themselves by maintaining a social connection. Many men are reluctant to talk about their feelings or stress.
Clive Williams says, “Men often tell me that they would like to talk about certain things but are reluctant to do so.”
A simple chat over a beer or coffee with a friend can sometimes be the perfect cure. These informal settings provide emotional support without feeling pressured.
3. Physical Activity
Exercise improves your mood, reduces your stress, and helps you build resilience. Regular runs, gym sessions, or team sports can help dads maintain their well-being.
The Dangers of “Bad Behaviours” During Dad’s Time Out
It’s a stereotype that dads who take time out for themselves can become irresponsible or “skiving”. This can lead to tension in the home.
Clive Williams warns, in his practice of therapy, that “I see men regressing decades during their downtime.” They use this as an excuse for irresponsible behavior, which strains their marriages.
Self-care does not mean ignoring family obligations or acting selfishly. It means taking care of your own needs while being responsible and reliable.
It’s vital that dads “cross their t’s” and dot their i’s before taking a break to ensure the needs of their family and household are met. Self-care is a great way to support and enhance family life when you strike the right balance.
Why Fathers should also support their mothers’ self-care
It’s only natural that mothers feel frustrated or resentful if fathers take a break. The family needs to have mums who are aware of this:
- To be able to parent well, dads need to recharge their mental and physical batteries.
- Encourage and support dad’s self-care to reduce household stress.
- Time out for Dads is beneficial to partners because it fosters patience, a better mood, and engagement.
Couples can build a stronger and more understanding relationship by acknowledging dad’s legitimate needs.
How to Support Dad’s Self-Care
1. Open up Conversations
Openly discuss the challenges that both parents face. Create a space where dads feel free to express themselves without being judged.
2. Share the Load
Divide household and childcare duties fairly to allow both parents time off.
3. Encourage Dads to Pursue Hobbies
Find time for social or hobbies. Even small time windows can make a huge difference.
4. Schedule Couple Time
Even with a new baby, scheduling couple time is important.
5. Seek Outside Support
Encourage dad to seek professional help, such as counselling or support groups, if he is suffering from anxiety, depression, or stress.
How to Encourage Self-care as a Dad
Here are some ways you can prioritize yourself as a father without feeling guilty:
- Establish boundaries: Be clear about your needs with your partner or family.
- Create routines: Find daily or weekday times for hobbies and exercise.
- Stay connected. Ask for help from friends or other fathers.
- Take care of yourself. Remember that parenting is difficult, and taking good care of oneself is an important part.
- Request help: Do not hesitate to ask for assistance, whether it is babysitting services or help with household chores.
Self-care is Good for Everyone
Everyone benefits when dads take care of themselves. The children benefit from fathers who are more emotionally present and available. Partners enjoy less tension and better teamwork. Dads experience an improved sense of energy and confidence.
Self-care does not have to be an individual thing. It can also benefit the entire family.
Conclusion
Parenting is not a sprint, but a marathon. Both parents and mums must take care of themselves to be able to do this well. Fathers face unique challenges, and their needs deserve to be addressed.
Let’s challenge stereotypes and prioritize self-care as much for dads as for mums. These moments, whether it’s an impromptu guitar solo, a conversation with a friend, or a quiet stroll, help dads recharge and grow into the best fathers that they can be.
We can create stronger families and healthier relationships by talking about fathers and self-care.
