It Took Me Four Years to Have My Third Baby, but the Age Gap Isn’t Bad
My first two sons were born 19 months apart. The two were almost inseparable as toddlers, often seen giggling and wrestling on the floor of my living room. I imagined that my third child could fit in equally well, perhaps another little friend for them to grow up with.
Life had other plans.
Our third son wasn’t born until four years after that. This is a huge gap in our family’s timeline. I was initially worried that the boys would feel a disconnect. After such a long time, would I have to face the challenges of newborn parenting all over again? Will the age gap affect their relationship as siblings?
The gap turned out to be filled with more positives than negatives. This method of spacing children out has its unique benefits–and challenges. What I learned about welcoming back a child after a long absence.
Third Time is a Charm: I Wanted to Have Three Kids
Since I was a child, I always knew that I wanted three kids. It was the perfect number – big enough to make a busy, lively household, but not so many that it would overwhelm. I wanted my children to be as close to me as I am to my sisters. I also wanted my kids to grow up with their best friends as siblings.
After my second child started to walk and talk, I was a bit worried about not getting pregnant again. I was eager for our third baby to arrive and wanted the children to be closer in age.
Someone once said something to me that has stuck with me ever since: Children come into your lives at the exact right time, regardless of whether you are ready.
At first, I did not understand. Looking back, I can see that it is true.
The Experience of Pregnancy and Childbirth: Why it Was Easier This Time
The last time I was pregnant, my life was completely different. My middle child was at daycare 3 days a week, and my oldest went to school. This gave me more time to prepare for the baby and take care of myself.
My first pregnancy was more like a juggle. I felt tired and queasy as I chased after my toddlers. This time, I was able to attend appointments and nest without always being “on.”
My birthing experience was smoother. My recovery was much easier after my elective c-section because I had older boys who were more independent and happier to be cared for by their father and other family. It allowed me to focus on my baby and healing in the hospital, without having to worry about what was happening at home.
The luxury was something I hadn’t experienced before.
Even Older Kids Can Get Involved, and it Makes a Huge Difference
When my second son was conceived, I was a young mother with a toddler. My eldest couldn’t understand the situation. He was confused and a little jealous of this new, noisy baby that suddenly had full attention.
The experience this time was completely different. My older boys were excited to meet the baby. They asked us endless questions about babies’ growth and how to care for them.
They stepped right in as big brothers after our third child was born. They sang to him, soothed him, and entertained him while I was cooking dinner or taking a break.
This involvement has made an enormous difference, not only for me but also for their relationship with their baby brother. From the very beginning, they’ve been bonded in a way that I didn’t expect.
You and Your Baby Can Spend Some Time Together
The ability to focus on him and give him one-on-one time is one of the best things about having my youngest so late. My first two children were very demanding, and I spent a lot of time managing their needs.
Now that my older boys are in school (we sent our four-year-old early because he had been so ready), there are special moments throughout the day for me and my baby. My husband can also enjoy these moments.
You can enjoy the newborn stage without having to worry about toddler tantrums or nap times. I can appreciate the small things – the way he looks at you, the softness in his skin, and the sounds he makes – with new eyes.
A Big Age Gap Makes Life Less Chaotic
It can be wonderful to have children so close, but it is also a lot of work. The demands on your time are multiplied exponentially when you have a group of babies or toddlers.
My first two children were often in diapers for tw,o and dealing with tantrums from toddlers. I also trained them. Sleep deprivation and raising two children at once were an everyday occurrence.
Our household dynamic has become more balanced now that my older sons are in school and active in sports. The usual chaos and noise are still present, but there are moments of calm while the older children are away.
I can focus on my baby and not feel overwhelmed. It’s an entirely different type of bu,sy and I can manage it better.
The Cons: What Was Hard about Having a Baby After a Long Gap?
The experience has not been without its challenges. The following are some of the cons I have faced:
1. Sleep Deprivation Hits Harder Than I Expected
After years of solid sleep with my older children, I forgot what it felt like to wake up several times during the night. My youngest was suffering from severe reflux, which kept him awake every two hours for his first three months.
This lack of sleep was far more difficult than I had ever experienced. After years of restful sleep, it felt like I was starting all over.
2. Relearning Baby Basics
You forget how much you know about baby care. All those skills that I thought I had mastered, like breastfeeding, burping, and swaddling, were hazy to me at first. I had to be patient and give myself some time to get back into my groove.
Then there is the mountain of equipment: getting the baby seats out, setting up a highchair, and finding all those tiny clothes, blankets, etc. Unpacking a new world is like unpacking a new suitcase.
3. Managing a Household with Older Kids and a Baby
A big age difference brings new challenges. Now I must be careful about the small toys and other objects that my older sons leave lying around. These could be dangerous to a curious infant.
Sometimes I feel like I’m being pulled in many directions. I want to pay attention to my children all the time, without neglecting anyone.
Why the Gap isn’t a Problem–it’s a GIF
I am convinced that despite these challenges, the four-year gap in aggap e between my youngest son and his older brothers was a blessing.
- My older boys love their little brother. They seem to enjoy being big brothers and take pride in helping.
- Age difference means that they are at different stages of life, which reduces jealousy and competition.
- It is important that my youngest has role models who are close in age, but also old enough to teach and protect him.
- I can enjoy the different stages of childhood, one at a time, rather than managing them all at once.
What the Future Holds
Sometimes I daydream about the near future. Three boys are kicking the footy in the backyard, laughing, and teasing one another. I picture quiet moments in the house, reading while the baby sleeps.
Our family has a new lease of life and a renewed sense of joy after having a child.
It’s not always easy, and I sometimes wonder how I manage it. The smiles, hugs, and love shared make it all worth it.
Conclusion
You may be wondering if having a baby after a long break is an obstacle. It’s simply a new journey. The age gap brings with it its own challenges and rewards.
Your home will be filled with warmth and love when you share your love with your children, no matter how far apart they are.
Sometimes, the best time to have a baby may not be when we think it will happen. It could be when they are meant to.
