Bringing home a new baby is a major milestone not just for you, but for your toddler, too. Suddenly, they’re no longer the only little ones in the house. They’re now a big sibling, and with that title often comes a flood of big feelings: excitement, curiosity, pride, and most of all, love.
There’s a good chance that your toddler will love the new baby… perhaps a bit too much. While it is heartwarming to see this love, it can be overwhelming, messy and even stressful.
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But what happens when your toddler loves your new baby… a little too much? It’s a sweet situation on the surface, hugs, kisses, and an eagerness to help, but it can quickly become overwhelming, especially for a newborn who’s still adjusting to life outside the womb. When your toddler loves your new baby with all their might, it’s important to find a balance between encouraging that bond and setting gentle boundaries. This stage can be beautiful, challenging, and everything in between, and you’re not alone in trying to figure it out.
A second child is an entirely different experience from a first. It was only you and your baby the first time. You both had the time to bond quietly, get to know each other and find a new rhythm. There was space and calm in the house (well, at least relatively).
Guiding Toddlers Love for Your New Baby
When baby number two comes, someone will already be at home. And they are not waiting. They are excited, perhaps confused, certainly curious, and very often eager to participate. Your toddler may have been told that a new baby was on the way for several months. Now that it’s finally arrived, they are ready to take up their big brother or sister role.
It’s sweet to love this much, but it can be a little too much.
Your toddler may want to touch, kiss or cuddle your baby constantly. They might want to sing loudly to them or try to carry the baby. Their excitement may be pure, but it’s not always tempered with caution or safety. This is where things can become tricky.
You’re Allowed To Feel Torn
You may feel guilty if you ask your toddler to stop touching the baby or if they refuse. You may feel overwhelmed by the thought of protecting your baby and still caring for your toddler. This is completely normal. After the arrival of a second child, many parents feel a mixture of joy, exhaustion and guilt.
You’re doing nothing wrong. Setting boundaries doesn’t mean squashing your toddler’s love. Teach them to express their love in age-appropriate, safe ways. This is part of their growth.
Why Toddlers Display Intense Affection
They often love their entire body. Adults understand the concept of personal space and gentle touch, but toddlers don’t. They may show affection by squeezing or climbing on their partner, or even poking them. The tactile nature of their learning is also evident. They explore the world through touching, grabbing and hugging.
Toddlers also thrive on routine attention and routine. It can be upsetting to suddenly have your attention shift from you to the baby. While their love may be real, they might also want to feel close to you and included.
The good news is? You can channel this affection into helpful, safe behaviours without making your child feel rejected.
How To Set Boundaries With Your Toddler’s Big Love?
1. Feet, Not Head
The soft fontanelles on the top of your baby’s head are delicate and need protection. Toddlers like to kiss their faces and heads. However, this is dangerous and can expose the baby to germs. A simple redirection can make a big difference.
Teach your child to focus on the baby’s foot. You can make it a game by asking your toddler to find the baby’s toes, tickle them or kiss their feet.
This becomes a habit over time. It’s a sweet, safe way for toddlers to show their affection without putting the baby in danger.
2. Give them Special Jobs
They love to feel important. By giving them specific tasks, you can make them feel involved and helpful. This reduces their need for constant attention. These “jobs”, which can be simple yet meaningful, include:
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Passing you a diaper or wipes during changes
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Choose the outfit for your baby to wear today
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Singing a bedtime lullaby to your baby
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Help push the stroller while walking
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Holding the towel for your baby during bath time
By giving your toddler these small responsibilities, they will feel valued and have a part in caring for the baby. This will also help them to shift their attention from constantly touching the baby to a more structured approach.
3. Use Praise Generously
Praise your toddler when he or she does something thoughtful, kind, or safe around the baby. Positive reinforcement is very powerful for children. When they do well, let them know.
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You were very gentle. “The baby loved it!”
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Thank you for your great help with the wipes.
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I love the way you make a baby laugh. “That was so sweet.”
They’re more likely to repeat the behaviour if they hear about it more. You can pair praise with rewards such as stickers, more storytime or the choice of bedtime music.
When possible, avoid focusing on “no” or “don’t”. When you tell someone, “Don’t kiss the baby’s nose”, try saying, “Let’s hug the toes!” This keeps the situation positive.
4. Encourage non-physical interaction
You can connect with your toddler in meaningful ways. You can suggest ways to help them “play” with your baby without being too hands-on or getting too close.
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Read books to your baby while he listens
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Singing songs
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Baby toys and stuffed animals
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Funny faces at a distance
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Showing and telling their toys
These activities will help your toddler feel more connected to the baby and reduce the desire to touch them. They also foster sibling bonds and make your toddler proud to be a role model.
5. Keep Your Special Time
It’s easy to think that your toddler has lost his or her place in the world of a newborn. Keep up their special routines even if it’s shorter or simpler.
Even if you only read one book, continue to do so. Find time to do things you enjoy doing together. For example, if you went on walks or shared a snack. These moments remind your toddler that he or she is still loved and valued.
Saying “This is our time” will make it clear to your partner that you are still close, even though the baby is new.
6. Give Them Room to be a Toddler
Toddlers sometimes need to just be toddlers – to run, climb and play. Toddler-specific activities are the answer.
You can help your toddler develop socially and emotionally by involving them in playgroups, going on adventures outdoors, or spending time with grandparents. After they have had time to play, they are often calmer and less aggressive around the baby.
Create a little toddler station at home if you can’t leave your house very often. Place blocks in one corner and art supplies in another. Put a few quiet books in an unused corner. It can be helpful to have something “just for” them.
7. Never leave the room
No matter how much you love your toddler, do not leave them alone with a baby. Even with the best of intentions, toddlers can be impulsive. They don’t have the same understanding of safety as adults.
You might see them try to cover the baby with a blanket or even give it something. Parents often tell stories of turning their backs and then finding their child trying to carry their baby across the room.
Even when everything seems calm, keep an eye out for interactions. It’s not a matter of mistrust, but rather about recognising a toddler’s developmental stage. It’s not about preventing love, it’s about preventing accidents.
8. It’s an ongoing learning curve
It’s a new experience for everyone. Your toddler is learning to be a big brother or sister. You are learning to balance two small people. Your baby is learning to adapt to the new world. It takes time.
Mistakes will happen. Your toddler may hug too tightly, become jealous, act out or regress. That’s okay. They’re just adapting. With your help, they will figure it out.
Keep your boundaries clear, praise often, and show empathy. Your toddler is not only being taught to “stay far away from the baby,” but you are also teaching them to develop a loving and respectful relationship with their sibling.
Final thoughts
It’s not a problem to have a toddler who loves the new baby. It’s just a gift. All it needs is a little structure. You can help your child channel their love for the new baby healthily and safely by setting boundaries, giving praise consistently, and having patience.
You are laying the foundation of a relationship that could be one of their most important relationships. Early days can be chaotic and wild, but your toddler’s love is the beginning of something beautiful.
