What To Do If Your Child is a Bolter

How to Handle a Toddler Who Runs Away in Public

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Welcome to the club if you have ever been red-faced while sprinting behind your child at the park while screaming “Come back!”. You have a runner, my dear reader. This special toddler, also known as a runner, is known for its lightning-fast legs and selective hearing. What To Do If Your Child is a Bolter

While it may be easy to laugh later, it is still a frightening, frustrating and exhausting experience in the moment. You’re not the only parent whose child is prone to bolting in public. There are ways you can manage this high-energy and high-stress behaviour.

Meet the Parent of a Runner

Emma is a mother of two, and her youngest daughter has recently discovered that it’s fun to run away in the most inconvenient of moments. Emma, a mother of two, found that her youngest daughter was able to run away at the most inconvenient times.

Emma sought the help of an early childhood expert who has worked with families for decades to understand common toddler behaviours. Her greatest concern? Her biggest concern?

Emma was able to better understand her daughter’s running behaviour with patience and understanding. She also learned practical tools.

What we learned from Emma’s story and what you can expect if your child is a bolter.

First things first: Why do toddlers bolt?

It’s not always a sign that you are defiant, but it can be. Toddlers have a natural curiosity, are impulsive and are still learning boundaries. When running becomes a habit, there are a few causes that can be found:

Seeking Attention: Running is a great way to get adults’ attention. For a toddler, it can be very rewarding.
Limits: Your child might be testing their limits (literally or figuratively).
Avoiding Transitions Hearing, “We’re Going Home Now!” in the middle of a playground can cause a defiant run.
Overstimulation or genuine excitement? Sometimes they are simply overwhelmed and run away without thinking.
At this age, toddlers are looking for independence. They want to feel like they have control. Bolting is their way of asserting this.

Keep Calm and Carry on

Keep your cool when your child runs away.

Your instinct might be to scream or become frustrated if your child runs off. Experts suggest that it is often better to stay calm and even pause, rather than chase after your child.

If you run after your toddler and it becomes a game of “tag”, this can reinforce their behaviour. If you run after them every time they flee, and then make a fuss, it reinforces the behaviour.

Wait where you are instead (if it is safe). Show them that they won’t get what they want by running away.

The Key to Gentle Consequences

When your child returns, or you bring them home, implement a calm and consistent consequence. This does not mean punishing your child. Consider it a boundary that is firm and based on empathy.

For example, you might say:

We’re heading home. We won’t read stories this evening because you didn’t listen and ran away.

It is important to connect the consequences to the behaviour, but without yelling or reacting in anger. This gentle approach reinforces boundaries while maintaining a safe emotional environment.

Toddlers do not have the same reasoning or impulse control skills as older kids. Running is not always safe unless paired with calm and predictable responses.

Patience: The Art of Patience

Patience is the parenting skill you’ll never have enough of when managing a runner.

It’s easy to react emotionally and immediately when your child runs away. If you take a deep breath, pause and respond with purpose, you are more likely to change the behaviour over time.

Slowing down in general is a helpful strategy, especially during transitions. Before changing activities, give your child clear and consistent warnings. You can, for example:

In five minutes, we will pack away the toys.
After one more slide, we will go to the car.

This will help your child feel in control of the situation and mentally prepare them for change.

Little Girl Running Through Shopping Mall

When you can’t just wait it out

Standing and waiting can be a bad idea.

You can’t wait around for your child to return on his own if you are in a busy area, such as a car park, shopping centre or event. Safety must always come first in these situations.

Here are some practical tools and techniques for dealing with a bolter.

1. Limiting Risky Activities

Avoid high-risk environments until your child can stay close to you and respond to your voice. The best places to bolt are shopping malls, big events and department stores. You can reduce your travel to work on your behaviour.

2. Use of a stroller or carrier

If in doubt, fasten them up. This may not be a long-term solution, but it will keep them safe and give you peace of mind.

3. Use Child Harnesses (If you’re comfortable)

A child harness may be controversial, but it is a lifesaver for many parents. A harness is a great way to prevent accidents, especially if you are a parent of multiple children or have a toddler who can be unpredictable.

4. Be clear about your expectations before you start

Explain your expectations before leaving the house or unbuckling the seat in the car.

When we enter, you must hold my hand. “We will immediately leave if you run.”

Specificity is key. Be specific.

5. Redirect and Catch Calmly

You should retrieve your child as calmly and as quickly as you can if they run. Avoid shouting or scolding. Explain in a calm voice what you want to do once you have them with you.

You ran away, and that wasn’t safe. “I need to hold your hands for the remainder of the journey.”

Consistency matters. You will learn more quickly about the consequences of their actions if you react calmly and predictably.

Teach them to stay close

You must teach your child to stay close to you, even if it’s tempting to rely solely on the harness or stroller. These simple activities will help you build good habits.

Walk together on low-risk paths (such as quiet footpaths and open parks).
Play games that require you to “stay close”, such as giving high-fives every few steps if the person is still next to you.
Ask them to freeze or come back, and reward them if they do.
Instantly praise good behaviour: I love the way you held my hand throughout. It was very helpful.

Children learn better through repetition, praise and routine, not just correction.

The Emotions of Others and Yours

You can feel overwhelmed, particularly if your child seems to be immune to your efforts. Remember that running is just a phase, and like all phases, it will eventually pass.

Separate the behaviour from the child. It’s not that your child is trying to humiliate or insult you. It’s part of their growth to test boundaries as they are still learning how the world works.

Give yourself grace. does not enjoy chasing children through the park, or dragging screaming toddlers out of grocery stores. Everyone has been there.

When to Get Help

If your child’s behaviour is not normal for a toddler, but is dangerously impatient or does not respond to your voice, you may want to consult a paediatrician.

A professional guide will give you peace of mind and practical tools that are tailored to your child.

Last Thoughts: You’re Not Alone

It’s not about your parenting abilities, but rather the current development stage of your child. They are exploring, testing and learning. You must guide them through this process as safely as possible, with all the patience and consistency you can muster. (And maybe some very strong coffee).

Next time your child takes off across the park like a rocket, keep this in mind: