Who Should Get to Choose the Names that Kids Call Their Grandparents?
Grandparents make a valuable contribution to family life. They are sources of wisdom, unconditional love, and, often, they spoil their grandchildren. The unique and quirky nicknames that children give their grandparents are one of the most endearing aspects of grandparenthood. These names, which range from “Nana” and “Grandma” to ‘Gramps’ to ‘Poppy, Nanny to Grammy, are more than just linguistic values. They also convey affection, family history, and identity.
What happens when there is disagreement among family members about what to call the grandparents of their children? Who decides these names? Who decides these names? The grandparents? The children?
A mother recently shared her dilemma on the popular parenting site Mumsnet about what to call her baby’s grandmother. This story highlights a source of tension that is often overlooked in both blended and traditional families.
Let’s look at this case in detail, as well as the larger issues that it raises. We will also explore why something so seemingly small as a nickname can have such a big emotional impact.
The Mumsnet Dilemma – “Not Nanny!”
A mother who was part of a blended family posted on Mumsnet that she did not like the nickname “Nanny” given to the grandmother of her youngest son. She and her partner have a child together, but also each has children from prior relationships. Her older children refer to their grandmother as “Nana”, “Grandma” or “Nanny”, while the children of her partner call their grandmother by “Nanny”.
She said that, during her pregnancy, she told her partner she didn’t like “Nanny”. It was “a little too cutesy.” She preferred “Grandma”.
Her partner calls his mother, “Nanny”, in front of their child, even though the baby is now here and starting to speak. The mother is worried about her child using the same name. She doesn’t like it.
She asked the Mumsnet Community: Does her preference for the title “Grandma”, over the one of “Nanny”, seem unreasonable? Should she accept the possibility that “Nanny” may stick around, despite all her concerns?
Why “Nanny’s” Name Matters
For many people, the term “Nanny” for grandmother is perfectly normal, affectionate, and even classic. This term is especially popular in English-speaking areas, such as parts of the UK and Australia. The word itself can evoke warmth and familiarity–sometimes even playfulness.
Others, however, find “Nanny” too cutesy or childish. Or, it’s not what they imagine a grandmother to be. These choices can be very personal. Names can have emotional resonance and may even carry cultural or generational associations.
Understandably, this mum is uncomfortable because she wants to name her child in a way that feels “right”. The situation is further complicated by the fact that her partner’s kids call her “Nanny” and that her partner uses the term himself to refer to his mother.
There are Many Different Names for Grandparents
The nicknames that grandparents are given vary greatly, and they can be influenced by their culture, language, or family traditions.
- Classic English: Grandma and Grandpa.
- Regional Variations: Nanny (UK, Australia), Grammy, Gramps (USA), Nonna, Nonno (Italy), Abuela, Abuelo (Spanish), Baba, Deda (Eastern Europe)
- Unique or Creative: Some kids invent names like “Granny Chips,” “Grannymums,” and other playful variations.
- Formal titles: Some grandparents prefer being called by their names or titles, such as “Mrs. Smith, “which is used for grandparents who have a formal relationship with their grandchildren.
Many families use these unique names to express the special relationship between grandparents and grandchildren.
The “Teacup Storm” Perspective
Mumsnet users considered the debate a minor disagreement that was not worth focusing on. Some Mumsnet users suggested that children gravitate towards names they are comfortable with, or those inspired by their siblings and cousins.
One commenter shared the following:
What does it matter? My dad’s mother was called Nanny by all my cousins, and she also called herself that to me. But as soon as I could express myself, I started calling her Granny Chips. Once I made up my mind, it was impossible to change it. My friend named her grandmother Grannymums. It was nice to see that the names were given by the grandchildren.
This is a relaxed approach. Let the children choose their names. Many would say that this is an indication of a healthy family dynamic, in which children feel free to express themselves.
You should remember some famous examples of nicknames that were given to grandparents. Prince George calls Queen Elizabeth II “Gan-Gan” while Prince William calls her “Gary”. These examples show that grandparents are often adored under unconventional and unique titles.
Tradition Says that Grandparents Should Choose
Some people believe that grandparent names are traditionally chosen by the grandparents. These are the names that they will be called every day, so many grandparents want to have a voice in their choice.
A Mumsnet user made a pointed question:
Isn’t that what most grandparents do? It would have been a shame to be told that I had to be a ‘Nanny,’ but I prefer ‘Grannie.’ I’m sure ‘Nannies .'” feel the same way about being referred to as ‘Grannies.’
This view acknowledges the autonomy of grandparents and their emotional attachment to their titles. This viewpoint also acknowledges that these titles are part of the grandparents’ identity within the family.
It can be disrespectful or alienating for some grandparents to be called by a nickname they don’t like or are uncomfortable with. Respecting their wishes will help to strengthen family ties and reinforce their role.
Should All Grandchildren Use the Same Name?
Consistency was another practical concern that commenters raised. Some people argue that in blended families or families with multiple grandchildren, it is important to have all grandchildren use the same grandparent’s name.
One commenter stated that “Baby’s name should be the same as their siblings.”
The following is also added:
It’s just not practical.” It’s not practical .”
This approach has many benefits. This approach is consistent and avoids confusion for children, who may struggle to understand the difference between calling Grandma Nana or Nanny. It also simplifies introductions, family visits, and interactions.
Life isn’t perfect. It can be hard to maintain consistency in blended families where the children have different relationships with their grandparents.
Family Dynamics Can Complicate the Choice
Blended families, in which children are from different parent relationships, face unique challenges when it comes to grandparents and family traditions.
The Mumsnet case shows that the children of the mother call their grandma “Nana”, while the children of her partner call theirs “Nanny”. Now, their child has begun to speak, and their parents disagree on the name for the grandmother.
This is an example of two families merging with their different customs and traditions, which can sometimes lead to unexpected clashes.
The mother is also concerned that the nickname “Nanny” might be perceived as “too cutesy”. The partner, however, continues to call the child “Nanny, and is presumably expecting the child to do the same.
In these situations, negotiation and empathy are essential. Compromise is often necessary. The preferences of both parents should not be ignored, but they should also not be discounted outright.
What about the Child’s Voice?
Many experts and parents with experience argue that ultimately, the child’s preferences should be the most important.
Children form relationships and develop language skills organically. They gravitate towards names that are easy to pronounce or resonate with their experience.
Giving children the opportunity to make choices or even have a voice gives them a sense of empowerment and respects their individuality. This can also help diffuse tensions between adults, who might be fighting about something outside their control.
Children are also influenced and shaped by adults. If the parents refer to their grandmothers as “Nanny”, the child will likely adopt this term.
Parents are important role models. The child’s response is influenced by the parents’ attitudes towards names, whether they are flexible, relaxed, or rigid.
Family Tips to Navigate the Naming Negotiation
What can grandparents and parents do to help navigate the tricky situation of grandparent names?
Here are some suggestions.
1. Have an Open Conversation
Early and open discussion of preferences is beneficial to families. Parents and grandparents can share why names are important and what they like and dislike about them.
It can be helpful to clarify misunderstandings or set expectations.
2. Respect Everyone’s Feelings
Recognizing that names have strong emotional significance can help all parties to feel heard. Even if you think they are trivial, don’t dismiss them outright.
3. Take a Child’s Viewpoint
Once the child starts talking, ask what names they seem to prefer. Children can surprise you with their choice of names!
4. Find a Compromise
Could the child call Grandma “Nanny” and “Nanny” at different times? Use a hybrid, like “Nana-Nanny”, to bridge the gap.
5. Connectivity is More Important than Labels
In the end, it is the relationship and love between the grandparent and the grandchild that matter more than their exact names.
6. Be Flexible
As children grow, names may naturally evolve. It is important not to force a name, but rather let it evolve with your family dynamics.
What is Really at Stake?
The debate about what to call grandparents may seem trivial or unimportant at first. This conversation is about deeper family dynamics.
- Belonging and Identity: The names of family members signal their connection and identity. They help children locate themselves within their family’s story.
- Recognition and Respect: Grandparents are looking to be recognized and respected as important people, and the name they choose is part of this recognition.
- Control and Power: Name disputes can often mask larger power struggles between parents, or even between generations.
- Traditions and Changes: As families change, traditions can clash or merge. The way families deal with these changes can reveal a lot about their openness and flexibility.
Understanding these layers will help parents to approach the problem with wisdom and empathy.
Conclusion
This question does not have a one-size-fits-all answer. Different families may find solutions that are best for them.
Some families place a high value on the preferences of grandparents as a means to honor their role and identity. Some families place a greater emphasis on the child’s choices, promoting their autonomy and natural tendencies. Many families find a good balance between listening to everyone while remaining open to change.
It is more important that families respect each other, acknowledge their emotions, and focus on building loving relationships, rather than competing in a “naming battle.”
Next time you hear your child say “Nanny” and “Grandma”, remember that there is often a story that goes behind the name. Sometimes, this story involves love, compromise, or family ties that go beyond words.
