5 Days I Never Knew Before Becoming a Parent
John Lennon’s classic song, “Nobody Told Me There’d Be Days Like These,” is a great example of what he was trying to say. If you have ever been a parent, you will understand exactly what he means. Parenthood is full of a variety of emotions: beautiful, exhausting and frustrating, funny, or even downright confusing. There’s one experience that nobody can prepare you for: the “unspoken days” of parenting.
As a new mother, the sleepless nights and endless feedings overwhelmed me. I felt the immense responsibility of caring for a tiny person. Early days were filled with exhaustion and new learning curves. Once I got past the initial fog, I started to notice that certain days were repeating. They had distinct rhythms that came and went without warning.
It helped me navigate these days by giving them a name. This helped me acknowledge my struggle, laugh about the absurdity, and remember that I was not alone. Here, in their messy glory, are the five days no one told me about when I first became a parent the days that exist on every parent’s journey, but rarely appear in parenting books or Instagram highlights reels.
1. The “Backwards Before Forwards” Days
Imagine you wake up in the morning, ready to make your day productive and smooth with your child. You have planned your meals, nap times, and you even managed to get a moment of peace while drinking coffee. Then, bam!–everything unravels. Every step back is followed by a forward one, leaving you scrambling for a way to keep up.
These “Backwards before Forwards” days are more common than people admit. What is my personal ultimate? My husband’s return to work after the birth of our second child. The house was quiet, my daughter was playing happily, and the baby was nursing. It looked tranquil from the outside. It was almost as if a moment had been frozen in time.
Then came the milk vomit. Tbaby’s spit-up was not a small amount, but a cinematic cascade that covered the toddler and me. Winter was still gripping the house, and I had just recovered from my caesarean. My perfect morning became a battleground as I stripped clothes, changed sheets, ran baths, and tried not to cry.
In that moment, I was almost tempted to call my husband home. Then I realized that this was just one of those days, where you go backwards before moving forward. Instead of fighting the chaos and mess, I gave in. I took a breath, ran the bat, and told myself that it was okay for me to fall apart before moving forward. Every day like this will eventually give way to a new one, where progress is possible, no matter what size.
2. The Days of ‘Cry Together’
You know what raw emotions can be. You may have days where your children cry all day, you are sleep-deprived and overwhelmed, and you feel isolated. It can feel like your heart is about to break in the middle of chaos. Early on, I put so much effort into being the perfect mother — keeping my children happy and avoiding tears. One day, I failed spectacularly.
For once, I did not try to stop them. I sat on the floor and let them cry. At the same time, it was both liberating and terrifying. We had survived the worst. “Cry Together Days” were born from that moment.
You and your children can share vulnerability on days like these, without judging, fixing everything right away, or imposing any judgment. This is the kind of day when you can feel like you’ve hit rock bottom, but it also has the power to bring about a profound connection and release. Sometimes, the only way forward is to cry.
3. The Deetz Days
This one’s personal — named after my daughter Deetzums. The “Deetz” day is the time when you put everything else aside to focus on your child. You and your child are the only ones who can do laundry, send emails, or run errands.
After a day of “backwards, before forwards”, I found a “Deetz Day” essential to my mental health. It was a deliberate break. We would cancel plans, put off the dishes, and be together. We’d spend some mornings in bedd and other times we would go to the park, where we could collect leaves or observe clouds.
These days, carving out a niche is not an easy task. Adult life does not stop once you become a parent. And the to-do lists never go away. It permitted me to put my presence above productivity and my connection before chores. What about those days? They were a lifeline.
4. The “Groundhog Day” Days
Anyone who has seen the movie Groundhog Day will understand the feeling of waking up every day to the same thing. It’s not uncommon for parenting to feel like this.
“Groundhog Day” is defined by the endless loops that include feeding, changing nappies, and cleaning. It can feel like a long day or a few hours, even minutes.
But, in this repetition, there were pockets of joy. I remember the weeks I would turn up the volume of the TV every afternoon at 3 o’clock to wake my daughter. She would run down the hall shouting, “Bananas!” She was determined not to miss her favorite show. The predictability of those moments brought comfort in the chaos.
Groundhog Day can be emotionally draining. You may feel trapped in a cycle that is difficult to escape due to bad weather, illness , or exhaustion. It’s important to remember that this is only a temporary situation. Sometimes, you just have to take things moment by moment.
5. The “I’ve Got This” Days
All parents have those magical moments when everything just seems to work. You may have finally figured out how to stop the tantrum before it explodes or managed to breastfeed your child while playing peekaboo. You feel like you’re on top of the world when these “I Can Do It” days occur.
I can still recall one in particular. I was shopping and felt surprisingly relaxed and confident. I ran into a co-worker and we had a wonderful conversation. Later, I felt guilty for having fun during my maternity leave. Isn’t it supposed to be difficult every second of motherhood?
It’s true that the days of “I’ve got this” are rare but precious. Babies change, toddlers get older, and the challenges of life evolve. What worked yesterday may not work tomorrow. Celebrate these moments quietly, because they mean you are learning, adapting, and growing as a mother or father.
Why the Name of These Days is Important
These experiences have taught me that parenting is a rollercoaster ride of emotions and events. Naming these days helped me navigate this rollercoaster more gracefully and with humor.
The song No One Told Me by John Lennon resonates strongly here. “Strange days indeed… Most peculiar mama” captures the unpredictable, mysterious nature of parenthood and life. Yoko said that the song was about “learning to accept that life will always be a mystery.”
There are many days in parenting that you never expect and no one ever talks about. Once you experience them, you will realize that you are not alone and these difficult days are just part of the journey.
Conclusion
You may be new to parenting, or you might have been at it for some time. But remember that it is part of the unwritten guide. There will be times when things fall apart, and other days you’ll feel like nothing can stop you. There will be cycles, tears, and surprises.
You can feel your feelings by acknowledging “special” days as a parent.
New parents, you’re doing much better than you think. There will be some messy days, and others magical ones, but each one will help shape your family’s story.
If anyone asks, what would you say? Tell them that you are just experiencing one of those days no one told you about. Please let me know what you think! I’d love to share more tips on how to survive the tough days or navigate the realities of parenting.
