There are 9 Things You Probably Won’t do As a Second-time Mum (and why that’s OK)
I had spreadsheets comparing car seats, an app that tracked my baby’s size in fruit measurements (he was a mango one week! I used spreadsheets to compare car seats and an app to track my baby’s growth in fruit measurements. (He was the size of a mango for a week!) I had a carefully packed hospital bag by the front door since week 34.
What about baby number two? Let’s say… the situation was a bit different.
The other night I had dinner with another mum friend and we ended up talking about those early years of motherhood. She told me how she attended all of the hypnobirthing courses for her first delivery, did breathing exercises as if her life depended upon it, and bought “labour-specific” lavender oil. And what happened? An emergency C-section. Thankfully, the baby is healthy. But not the water birth she had imagined.
She didn’t go to a class the second time. She was much more relaxed and lethargic with a toddler, so her approach was “Que sera sera”. Funny enough, the birth went as she had hoped.
I started thinking about the other things that we tend to give up or approach differently when we do them again. What about being honest? It’s not bad. As a second-time mother, you’ll probably avoid doing nine things (or, at the very least, not stressing about them). We also explore why and how this change occurred.
1. Join A New Mother’s Group
A mother’s group can be a lifeline for new mothers. Sleep is hard to come by, spit up is your accessory of choice, and each little cry will send you into a Google spiral. Your mother’s group is your tribe in those early days. They are the people who understand and are all about first-time motherhood.
What about the second time? It’s different. Your schedule may be busier, and you might have a support group from the first round. You’re not able to meet up with friends every week because you are juggling toddlers, naptimes, nappy changing, and preschool drop-offs.
It doesn’t mean that you don’t require support. You’re just more likely to reach out to a second-time mother at 3 am via text than join a structured group. Your instincts and experience are more important to you, which is empowering.
2. Spending on Newborn Outfits is not a Good Idea This Time
Oh, those adorable 0000-size onesies. When I had my first baby, I bought a whole drawer of tiny clothes. Many came with matching hats, booties, and mittens that my child wore only once.
What if it’s the second time? You’re smarter. You’re smarter. Fashion is not a priority for you when your baby lives in a onesie and wraps.
Your firstborn’s clothes are still in good condition (even if it was a pledge that you would never reuse hand-me-downs). Shopping sprees for new clothes are not recommended unless you have a special event or can’t resist the impractical but Instagram-worthy romper.
3. How to Pack an Over-the-Top Nappy Bag
Remember your first nappy case? It was like a mobile nursery. You probably had three sets of backup clothes, bottles, wipes, and nappies. There were also creams, toys, and muslins.
Second-time mums? We streamline. You’ll know how many nappies to bring for a two-hour trip (plus one extra in case of emergency). Pack one change of clothes, a dummy that might or may not be clean, and a snack so your toddler doesn’t melt down at the supermarket.
You’ll get bonus points if, instead of dragging a heavy 5kg bag around, you can stuff some nappy wipes and a diaper into your handbag.
4. Sanitise Everything Obsessively
You’re either going to boil water or throw it in the bin if the dummy falls on the floor. Sanitiser is carried around like holy water. Visitors? Visitors?
Second baby: Pick up the dummy from the floor and wipe it (perhaps with your sleeve) before putting it back. Of course, you still care. You’re just more realistic. Toddlers bring home a lot of germs.
Your second child is likely to have a stronger immunity, partly because of your relaxed attitude and partly because their big brother or sister will be licking the playground equipment.
5. “Sleep When the Baby Sleeps” (Good Idea! )
While well-intentioned, this advice feels like a cruel prank the second time. You could nap with your first baby. The house was silent. You were tired. You were tired.
With baby number two? Your toddler is climbing the furniture, singing “Bluey’s” theme song, or painting the couch with finger paint. Sleep is not a necessity, but a luxury.
So you adjust. You adjust. Survival mode redefined.
6. Check that the Baby is Breathing Every 10 Minutes
I stared at my baby monitor for hours the first time, convinced that silence meant there was something wrong. I would tiptoe into the room and hold my breath while waiting for my baby’s chest to rise and fall. It was obsessional.
Second time? I am good if I can hear rustling noises or breathing sounds through the monitor. Even though I still check in the middle of the night, the anxiety has lessened. Confidence and exhaustion can change your outlook.
7. Regularly Wash the Car Seat Cover
It’s a fact: removing a car seat, washing it, and then wrestling it back onto the seat is one of those annoying tasks. You probably did this with your first child a few times a year or whenever there was a mess.
Second baby? This cover will stay where it is unless someone vomits. It’s only when you notice that your car is starting to smell like old milk or your child has dropped a half-banana into the seat for a few days that you start thinking about it.
Even then… shrug.
8. Use a Shopping Trolley Cover
Oh, that shopping trolley cover. This wonderful invention protected your child from germs in public while also looking adorable. This was always in your boot. It was regularly laundered and matched the nappy bags.
What now? But now?
It’s a miracle if you manage to get your toddler in the cart without him exploding, or if you manage to wrangle a baby into a carrier and then remember the shopping list that you wrote on the receipt. The trolley cover? You probably have it in a drawer… or perhaps you gave it away to a friend who is a new mother.
Your motto now? “They’ll survive.”
9. Dress Your Baby for Cuteness Over Comfort
Each outfit was chosen with care for you. The outfits included miniature cardigans and shoes that they could not even walk in.
Now? The outfit must be clean and not have five buttons. You don’t need an elaborate outfit to show how adorable your baby is. You’ve also learned that babies can be squirmy and spit up, and they grow out of their clothes faster than you could say, “Where did I place that bow tie?”
Your new mantra is to prioritize function over fashion.
Conclusion
Second-time mothering does not mean that you don’t love your child or are lazy. You’ve already been in the trenches. You’ve been through the trenches before.
You have learned to put your sanity first. Trust your instincts. Accept the chaos and imperfect beauty that comes with raising small children.
No longer do you feel the need for a “perfect” mother. You just want to be a real mum. This is an amazing evolution.
Second-time mothers, you are doing a great job. You’re doing a great job, second-time mums.
You can do it.
