To Single Parents! I don’t Know How You do it (but I’m amazed by you)
It’s a roller coaster ride. It can be joyful, chaotic, and exhausting. Sometimes, it’s all those things at once. There’s a group of people that I admire the most: those who go it alone. You single parents have my admiration, respect, and awe. It’s amazing how you manage.
You’re doing it because you have to. You do it because you must. You are doing it because you have to. You are on this path because life has taken a new turn.
Please let me explain. This isn’t about pity. This is not patronizing admiration. It’s a genuine, heartfelt respect between parents. As a mother who is partnered, I am supported, but some days, I still feel like I can’t keep it together. When I think about you, that’s what I do.
You are my neighbor. You are my mother’s group friend. You are my child’s teacher at kindergarten. I’m familiar with many of you and see how much you care, how passionately you work, and how consistently you show up. From where I sit, you might not feel like superheroes all the time, but that’s what you are.
Support for Parents Who Find Parenting Hard
Let’s be honest: My husband is a loving, active father. Even then, I have days where I am completely overwhelmed. There are days when I greet him at the front door with a look of “Save me.”The day when my kids are running around and I haven’t showered yet.
My partner is my lifeline on those days. He does the roughhousing, while I catch my breath. He starts the dinner while I lean my back against a pantry door and collect myself. Every time this happens, I always think of you.
What happens when you are at your wits’ end? What do you do when your children are trying to test your patience and you need five minutes just to regain your sanity? There’s no one to pass things to. You may have figured out how to remain calm. You may have mastered the art of counting up to ten, or you might just be able to get through it with grace and grit.
Some days you may be cranky. Some days you might be proud. You may be both proud and humble most of the time. That’s okay. You’re both amazing.
I Miss My Kids, But Not as Much As You Do
Of course, I miss my boys during the day when I drop them off at kindy. When I pick them up, their little voices telling about their drawings and who they played with are what I am looking forward to. I don’t have to worry about missing them. I’m always home when they come.
You might find that things are different. You may be co-parenting and navigating shared custody. This means that your children will not be with you on weekends, holidays, or even for a few weeks.
I saw you at the café the other day. I asked: “Are you going to see Oliver this weekend?”
You gave me a slight shrug. “Nope. His turn.”
You sipped your flat-white in peace, and I could tell that a part of you enjoyed the silence. Your smile was aching, but I also felt it. The silence around you was louder than normal.
I said, “It will be nice to pick him up.”
In that moment, I realized just how much we take our presence for granted. Sorry if I came across as insensitive. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for you to share your kid, and to count the days until you feel their arms around you once again. This kind of strength is amazing.
I Drop the Ball (Often)
The other evening, I discovered that we were again out of milk. I grabbed my keys and ran out, while my husband took care of the bedtime. It was not a big issue. Problem solved. Ten minutes away, ten back.
As I drove, I thought about you. What would you do in this situation?
What do you do when you’re out of milk at night, after your children are in bed, and you can’t leave the home? Are you better at planning than I am? It’s not that high. You may have a pantry full of long-life milk, or you and your children might just be able to survive without cereal every morning. You could knock on the neighbor’s front door and ask for help.
You can figure out anything. Not just milk. There are a thousand things that we can divide or delegate every week. You have to carry everything.
I Rely on Teamwork (and You Can’t)
Evenings are shared by two people. The toddler gets a bath from one of us while the other tells stories to our preschooler. We divide and conquer. Even bedtime routines are collaborative–because each kid wants different books, or one needs a cuddle while the other just wants to brush teeth in peace.
But how do you do it?
How do you, a single parent with kids of the same age and two children around the same age as mine, juggle them both at the exact moment they pull you in different directions? You may have created routines for your family that are a success. Your children may have developed patience by taking turns to read stories and cuddle. Maybe you are constantly juggling or improvising.
It’s hard to be a parent. I can see how much love and effort go into these evenings. They may not know it yet, but your kids are witnessing the dedication that will plant deep roots of love.
You are not just a Parent, you’re a Village
We often say “It takes a village” in two-parent homes. But what about single parents? You are the village. You are the village’s decision maker, disciplinarian, nurturer, chef, cleaner, fixer, driver, bedtime storyteller, and morning motivator.
You do it all. You keep your promises when you are exhausted. When you are stretched thin, you keep your promises. You attend school concerts and celebrate birthdays with your children, holding their hands through fevers or bad dreams. But you are often too tired to help out when you yourself are sick.
Sometimes, you’re doing more than two people’s work. You may not have chosen to do so, but you certainly showed courage.
I Hope You Know How Incredible You Are
You are a hero in your way. You are amazing. You’re not “less” than anyone else. You’re not just “getting along.” You’re showing your kids that love doesn’t measure by numbers. It’s demonstrated in the presence and consistency of the hugging and boundaries, the kisses at night, and the school snacks.
You can be sure that your children are watching. One day, they’ll understand. One day, they will look back at your sacrifices and see how deeply you cared for them.
You are Superparents, Single Moms and Dads!
When I think of you, a thousand different scenarios run through my head. Each of them makes me stop and admire you. You are extraordinary. Whether you manage sick days alone, celebrate holidays on your own, or get everyone dressed and fed for another Monday morning, what you do is amazing.
You might not feel like a superhero. You may feel exhausted, stretched thin, and underappreciated. You’re doing a remarkable job. You are showing up. Every single day. Your kids are lucky to have you.
You, single parents, who are reading this, have my deepest admiration. You are strong. You are strong. You are amazing.
You have shown us what true resilience, love, and dedication look like.
