My four-year-old isn’t a big talker. Although he can be very chatty if the subject interests him—trains, dinosaurs, and construction vehicles—when it doesn’t, it can feel like I’m talking to a brick wall. He has mild autism, so that’s to be expected. But as a result, we’ve both had to teach your child the art of conversation, often in unconventional ways.
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For example, I’ve gotten into the habit of telling him, “You need to talk when someone talks to you, even if you don’t like what they are talking about.” That might sound a little rigid, but for children like mine who benefit from direct instruction, I’ve found it helps to explain basic rules clearly. I’ll often say, “It’s not okay to ignore people. If you do, they might not want to be your friend,” a message delivered in preschooler speak.
This journey has made me reflect on just how complex conversation is, and how it’s something all children can benefit from learning more intentionally. Conversation is a life skill, not just a developmental milestone. It affects friendships, learning, emotional regulation, and eventually how well a child can advocate for themselves in the world.
Here are seven practical, playful, and powerful ways to help your child, whether chatty, shy, or somewhere in between, learn the art of conversation.
1. Look at People When Talking
Eye contact can be surprisingly tricky for little ones. While some kids do this naturally, others, especially those who are neurodivergent, might need to be explicitly taught. That said, we don’t want to force eye contact in a way that feels uncomfortable or overwhelming. The goal is to gently introduce the concept of looking at someone when talking, in a way that feels doable and respectful of sensory needs.
When you’re talking with your child, model good eye contact yourself. Praise them when they do it naturally, and gently encourage it when they don’t. But avoid turning it into a power struggle; let it be a soft skill that’s nurtured, not demanded.
Game idea: A fun activity we do is “Visual Hide and Seek.” I hide a toy somewhere in the room, and he has to look at my eyes for clues. I flick my gaze toward the hiding spot, and he watches closely to figure it out. It’s subtle and silly, but it teaches him that eyes give information, which makes him more interested in using eye contact.
Tip: Use phrases like, “Let’s look at each other like we’re superheroes passing secret messages.” It makes it fun rather than intimidating.
2. Turn On Your Listening Ears and Looking Eyes
Getting your child’s full attention before speaking can dramatically improve their comprehension and participation in conversations. That’s why I often say to my son, “Turn on your listening ears.” He pulls at his earlobes, grinning, and it becomes a fun ritual instead of a nag. I also say, “Show me your looking eyes,” when I need to know he’s focused.
For younger kids, turning listening into a physical, playful act helps make the concept more tangible. Plus, it sets the stage for mutual respect. If we expect them to listen, we also need to demonstrate that we listen to them, too.
Tip: Practice “listening moments” during story time. Ask them to listen for a particular sound or word, and reward them for catching it.
Bonus idea: Play “Red Light, Green Light” but with verbal instructions. Say “Green Light” in a whisper or funny voice so they need to listen.
3. Take Turns When Speaking
This one is deceptively simple. Turn-taking is the backbone of conversation, but many children (and let’s be honest, some adults) struggle with it. In our house, car rides used to be a battleground of overlapping voices. So, we started the “one boy talks at a time” rule. It worked surprisingly well. Now, my sons will say, “Hey, I was talking, it’s my turn.”
Turn-taking can also be reinforced through play. Games that involve waiting, like rolling a ball or passing a toy, mimic the rhythm of dialogue. These moments help children practice self-regulation, patience, and respect for others’ voices.
Tip: Use a “talking stick” or special toy that designates whose turn it is to speak during family discussions. It adds structure and fairness to conversations.
Game: Play a game of “Pass the Story,” where each person says one sentence to continue a story. It teaches listening and contribution.
4. Learn the Power of ‘Excuse Me’
Teaching children to use “excuse me” is more than just good manners; it’s about learning how to join a conversation respectfully. My son’s kindergarten excels at reinforcing this. Kids raise their hands, say “excuse me,” and wait to speak. It’s sweet and effective.
My son picked it up quickly. Now, when he wants to tell me something (usually about a bug he saw or what happened at kindy), he leads with, “Excuse me.” It gets my attention and helps him feel empowered to speak. I’ve even started using it myself when I want to interject, modelling how to get someone’s attention the right way.
Tip: Reinforce the idea that everyone deserves to be heard, and that saying “excuse me” helps people know you’re ready to talk.
Activity idea: Role-play scenarios where your child practices using “excuse me” to get someone’s attention. Make it fun by switching roles!
5. Give More Than a One-Word Answer
“How was kindy?”
“Good.”
“What did you do today?”
“Played.”
Sound familiar? Many kids default to short, one-word answers. Sometimes it’s tiredness. Other times, it’s because they’re not sure how to expand. Open-ended questions help, but so does modelling expanded responses and providing a bit of scaffolding.
For example, instead of “Did you like your lunch?” try, “Tell me about the yummiest thing in your lunchbox today.” When they do answer, follow up with “Why?” or “What made it so good?”
Tip: Turn this into a storytelling moment. Ask your child to explain something that happened and prompt them to include details like who was there, what happened first, what happened next, and how they felt.
Bonus idea: Read a book together and then ask, “What do you think the character felt?” or “What would you do if you were them?”
6. Talk to Adults
Children can be understandably shy around adults, especially if they’re used to their parents doing the talking for them. But encouraging your child to speak for themselves helps build confidence and conversational fluency.
It can start small: saying hello to the barista, ordering their ice cream, or answering the phone when grandma calls. These moments help children think on their feet and learn how conversations differ based on who we’re talking to.
Tip: Before an interaction, help them practice what to say. Role-play ordering at a café or greeting a neighbour. Praise their efforts afterwards, even if they only said a few words.
Idea: Start a “phone call routine” with a grandparent or cousin where your child practices chatting about their day or sharing a short story.
7. Tell Stories
Storytelling is a huge part of conversation, and it’s often overlooked. Being able to explain something from beginning to end, like how a toy broke or why they’re sad, requires sequencing, memory, and emotional vocabulary.
We help develop this by sharing our own stories. I often tell my son silly or true stories about my day: “Guess what happened when I went to the grocery store…” or “You’ll never believe what I saw on my walk!” These stories teach structure and invite him to share his own.
Tip: Create a nightly tradition of storytelling. It could be real or imaginary. Maybe they tell you what they think the family cat did while everyone was asleep!
Support: If your child struggles to find the words, gently help them along with prompts like, “Then what happened?” or “Was that fun or scary?”
Supporting Conversation for Every Type of Communicator
Not all children communicate the same way. Some kids are naturally expressive, while others, especially those who are neurodivergent, might need more time, tools, and support.
For children with autism, social communication may not come naturally. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be learned. Many autistic children benefit from visual aids like cue cards, social stories, or communication boards. Some prefer non-verbal methods like sign language or using AAC (Augmentative and Alternative Communication) devices. These are still conversations, they’re just happening differently.
As parents, the goal isn’t to “fix” how our children talk; it’s to help them feel heard, confident, and connected. That may mean adjusting expectations and learning new ways to engage.
Remember:
- Celebrate progress, not perfection.
- Value your child’s efforts to connect—however they express themselves.
- Create space for quiet. Conversation is important, but so is simply being together in silence.
- Be patient. Social skills grow slowly, with lots of repetition, practice, and love.
Final Thoughts
Teaching your child the art of conversation isn’t just about manners or small talk; it’s about helping them build the social skills that will carry them through school, relationships, and life. By modelling, playing, guiding, and listening, you’re laying the groundwork for confident, thoughtful communication.
Whether your child is a chatterbox, a shy observer, or somewhere in between, there’s always room to nurture their voice and teach them how to use it with kindness, clarity, and joy.
