Eight Challenges that All Parents with Large Families Face
No matter if you are raising a single child or a large family, parenting is incredibly difficult. There’s something chaotic, hilarious, and sometimes soul-stretching about parenting a large family. I’m talking about four or more children, a minivan (or a full-blown people mover), as well as the daily orchestration of a military operation.
As a mother of four children, I am confident in saying that we are a different species. A resilient, caffeine-fueled, always-tired-but-always-loving kind of tribe. We do everything in bulk – bulk meals, laundry, noise, nd love. We have schedules that resemble NASA mission briefings, and we survive mornings so stormy that they would make storm chasers look good.
This post is for those of you who are in the trenches with big-family parenting. Let’s look at the eight most challenging things that parents of large families face. Despite everything, they wouldn’t change it for the world.
1. The Giant Car – Also known as the Family Tank
You enter a whole new level of parenting the moment your family grows out of the sedan. You are now the captain of your Great Big Mum Mobile. Also known as a people mover or SUV, this vehicle is so wide that it requires Formula 1 racing skills to park.
I still remember the day that we bought ours. It was more like a bus than a car. It was a momentous occasion. Standing there with keys in hand, I felt a mixture of pride and claustrophobia. I knew I could transport all of my kids, their friends, but I would never be able to fit them into a normal parking space again.
Parking lots became anxiety-producing arenas. The narrow suburban streets became obstacle courses. Don’t even get me started with car seat logistics. It’s a full-body workout to buckle everyone up. I start sweating even before we leave the driveway. I’m crawling in between rows and contorting my body like a yoga teacher, while a child is crying because the seatbelt feels “weird.”
It is because of this, my dear friends, that people from large families are always late. Not lazy. Not disorganized. We were only held captive by our transport.
2. The Soundtrack of Chaos – Also known as “All the Noise”
In a large family, noise is more than just background hum. The soundtrack to life is full of screaming, singing, laughing, crying, random thuds, and, occasionally, a mysterious crash, followed by “It wasn’t me!”
I love my kids. Truly. There are times when our house sounds like a rock show. You can forget about peaceful dinners or quiet coffee breaks. Even a simple discussion with my partner can turn into a lip-reading exercise punctuated with “WHAT?” “What?
The sound of children laughing is sometimes heartwarming. Sometimes, the sound of children playing is heartwarming.
Some days, I wish there were a mute switch. Not because I dislike their voice, but because there are times when I would like to hear only my thoughts or the microwave beeping after my coffee is reheated a fourth time.
3. Grooming Logistics – The Never-ending Beauty Routine (For Them, not You)
You would think that managing the nails and hair of a few little humans wouldn’t prove to be difficult. You would be wrong.
Personal grooming is a constant chore in a household with multiple children. It’s a full-time job to do everything from fingernails to toenails to haircuts to lice checks. I have become a one-woman spa, with low ratings and clients who try to flee every time I pick up the nail clipper.
They don’t like having their nails trimmed. They act as if I am sawing off their legs. They come back from playdates or school looking like they have scratched their way out of the bear cave.
Then there are the teeth. I supervise the morning and evening brushing sessions as a prison guard, barking out orders and inspecting toothbrushes to look for contraband. Still, someone always forgets. Every. Single. Day.
We won’t even mention brushing your hair. In this house, there are knots as strong as steel cables. A hair tie was found in my daughter’s ponytail after it had been there for three days. She didn’t even notice.
4. Mental Bandwidth – Remembering Everything (and Forgetting All Else).
Parents of large families would win gold medals every year if there were Olympic games for mental juggling. We can recall birthday parties, school projects, sporting uniforms, medical appointments, and birthdays. We also remember lunch box preferences, favorite toys, bedtime stories, and even who liked which story.
Ask me the day or where I put my phone again, and you will be met with blank stares. I have called my children so many wrong names that I considered renaming all of them with numbers to save time.
The calendar is filled with commitments that overlap. It’s never too late to prepare a costume, sign a form, or send a note. I’m always afraid that the group chat in class will reveal something I forgot…again.
I have no space in my head for anything that is not directly related to running the family. This explains why, at least once per week, my PIN slips my mind.
5. Try to Go Anywhere
How difficult was it to leave your home with your first child? What about the bottles, spare clothes, baby wipes, and the car seat drama? Multiply this by the number of children you have, add a few meltdowns and a mysteriously lost shoe, and a toilet emergency at the last minute. You can now get a good idea of what leaving the house is like with a large family.
What happens on school mornings? Pure chaos. One hour before leaving, we start getting dressed, but we still run oof the door with only one shoe, and one child behind us who says they forgot their bag.
When I got to the store, I realized that I was without shoes. Not one of my children — ME. This is the level of anxiety we’re referring to.
Strangely, when you arrive anywhere with a bunch of kids, it’s as if you were leading a parade. They say, “I don’t know how you manage it!” and I have to admit, neither do I.
6. Contagious Illnesses
Everyone knows the truth: when you’re a large family, everyone will get sick. It’s over when one child sneezes. It doesn’t matter if you Lysol your house, boil your bedding, and cover everyone with hand sanitizer. Germs are already inside.
In a large household, contagious bugs spread faster than gossip on a schoolyard. The first thing you notice is a cough. Next, you’ll have vomit. You’re out of clean linens by the end of the weekend, and everyone is sleeping on towels and regret.
Do not even mention head lice. The scourge that was childhood held me hostage for entire seasons. I suffer from PTSD due to nitpicking. We spent entire summers washing and delousing everything that wasn’t nailed down. In March, I wasn’t sure whether to cry or celebrate when they finally disappeared.
7. Small Toys & Tiny Bits that Haunt You
I don’t hate toys. I’m not against toys. But what about the tiny pieces of plastic? What about the tiny plastic pieces from doll sets? They are my enemy.
The evil bits will always be underfoot, or even worse, hiding in the couch cushions, waiting to stab you when you finally sit down.
It’s impossible to organize them. Like toy gremlins, they disappear, reappear, and reproduce. They are in my handbag and washing machine. Sometimes, they even get into my bra.
Who created these tiny accessories? Who decided that Barbie needed shoes as big as sesame seeds to be Barbie? I want names.
8. The Exhaustion and the Love
The exhaustion is like a freighter at the end of the workday, after the dishes have been (mostly) done, and the chaos has subsided. My legs hurt. My back is in pain. My brain is mush.
I fall onto the couch in search of a peaceful moment, but then find myself falling asleep during the Netflix intro. When I drag myself up the steps to check on my kids, I peer into their bedrooms and feel the love.
All are asleep. Hair is messy, and limbs are spread out. They breathe gently. I’m filled with gratitude, no matter how hard and long the day has been, or how wrecked I may feel. The real kind, not the Instagrammable type. It’s the kind that makes you feel your heart swell, and your eyes sting.
Why this chaos? It’s ours. This noise? This muck? What is this utter exhaustion? All this means that I have people who care about me and depend on me.
Call me Mom.
Conclusion
It’s not for the weak-hearted. It is loud, complex, sticky, and exhausting. It’s also full of joy, laughter, and richness in ways that can be hard to describe.
We may be in big cars, have a jumbled morning at school, and live in constant movement, but we are also blessed with more hugs and funny conversations. There are more milestones and love than we could ever imagine.
All my big-family warriors, you are doing an amazing job. You are not the only one. You are not alone.
