The person who coined the phrase “sleeping as a baby” has never experienced one. You know this if you’ve ever had to negotiate with a toddler who is “not sleepy” or pace the hall at 2 am while a newborn cries. Exhausting, even.
Sleepless nights are a common experience for all parents, whether they’re new or experienced. You’re not the only one who has experienced sleepless nights. And you don’t need to try and guess what you should do. We have gathered the expertise of Australia’s and New Zealand’s leading sleep experts. These include Jo Ryan, of BabyBliss; internationally renowned Tizzie Hall, certified sleep consultants Emma Purdue and Pinky McKay, a beloved parenting expert.
They all have a unique perspective, but one common goal: helping you and your child to get the sleep you both deserve.
This guide is a great resource to bookmark, share with friends who are sleep-deprived, and breathe deeply. Better nights are possible.
Jo Ryan: BabyBliss – Gentle Rhythms & Parental Instincts
Jo Ryan is a former pediatric nurse who founded BabyBliss. She is well known for her no-cry, compassionate approach to sleep. Her philosophy is based on creating routines that are consistent and safe, as well as trusting in your instincts.
For Babies:
Begin your bedtime ritual as early as possible.
Even newborns can benefit from a predictable rhythm at night. Consider it your baby’s signal that the day is ending. Warm baths, quiet stories, gentle massages, and feedings are all rituals that can help children transition peacefully to sleep. It doesn’t matter if you sing a familiar lullaby or read The Hungry Caterpillar.
Establish a bedtime and stick to it.
Structure is important for babies. Although flexibility may be necessary at times, the ideal bedtime range is between 6 pm to 7 pm. Early bedtimes allow your baby to get deep, restorative sleep in the early part of the night. What’s the problem with putting a baby to bed at 11 pm? You’re more likely than not to find them overtired, overstimulated and difficult to settle.
Listen–but don’t rush in.
Not all sounds are a cry for help. As they settle down, babies often make sleepy sounds. You can learn to distinguish between a loud cry and a whimper. You can teach your baby to self-soothe when they are ready by giving them a few moments.
Create an environment that is distraction-free for sleep.
Your nursery should be dark, calm and dull. The flashing modem or the brightly colored mobile may seem harmless, but they can overwhelm a baby trying to relax. White noise and blackout blinds can help create a more relaxing environment.
Trust your gut.
Check on your baby if something seems wrong. Your instincts can be very powerful. If your child needs comfort, give it to them. There’s no way you can spoil a baby by lavishing attention and love on him.
For Toddlers :
Keep routines sacred.
Bedtime rituals don’t only apply to babies. Structure is important for toddlers, as they are testing boundaries. Routines should be simple: wash, brush teeth, go potty, read a book, drink water, and then bed. Once expectations are established, it is easier to resist the bedtime stalling techniques.
Set a firm bedtime.
The 7 pm bedtime allows toddlers to get the deep sleep that they need in order to cope with their emotions and hectic days. Overtiredness can lead to early morning awakenings and an overtired toddler.
Do not use it as a crutch at bedtime.
It can take anywhere from 10 minutes up to an hour for your toddler to fall asleep. Use a “check-in” technique instead. Tell them that you are going to the kitchen and will return in a few moments. Keep your promise. This builds trust and independent sleeping skills.
Be calm, even when things are difficult.
Your toddler will reflect your energy. Try to keep your frustration in check if bedtime becomes a battle. A calm parent can be one of the most effective sleep aids for a child.
Tizzie Hall – Save our sleep: Structure for sweet slumbers
Tizzie has been helping families to find peace through routine for decades. While her method is not suitable for all families, it resonates with those who need solutions.
Takeaways from
- Establish a routine as soon as possible– Predictability = Security.
- Feed your baby until they are satisfied. Babies sleep better when not hungry. Let them breastfeed until they are satisfied if you’re breastfeeding. Bottle feeding? If more is needed, offer it.
- Timing it Right – Avoid putting your child to sleep too early (catnapping risks!) Or too late (overtiredness).
- Keep them warm; cold babies will not sleep well. Sleeping bags can be great.
- Sleep them where they will wake. It can be confusing if your child falls asleep in your arms and then wakes up in the crib. Consistency is key to a smooth transition between sleep cycles.
A Woman Holding a baby in Her Arms
Emma Purdue, Baby Sleep Consultant: Sleep Science With Heart
Emma Purdue is the founder of Baby Sleep Consultant Australia and New Zealand. She is passionate about gentle, science-based sleep training. Each year, her team helps thousands of families develop healthy sleep habits.
For Babies:
Keep an eye on the clock and your baby
As babies get mobile, the signs of fatigue become subtler. Your 4+-month-old may be tired if they have been awake for 2.5-3 hrs and seem “fine”. Regular naps can help prevent meltdowns.
Establish a nap ritual.
Even a short wind-down is helpful. Whatever works for you: a cuddle, a short story, song. Your baby will learn to expect this routine and sleep.
React with intent overnight.
Babies older than four months do not necessarily need to be fed every two or three hours. Pause before rushing to feed your baby. Listen. Listen. Can they settle on their own?
Think about your sleep associations.
Make changes as soon as possible if you do not want to rock or plug in a dummy forever. Teach your child to soothe themselves in an age-appropriate way, such as using a comforter.
Check your mindset.
Do not feel pressured into changing things that are working for you. Some families enjoy night feedings and cosleeping. If you don’t have a problem with it, then it is not a big deal.
For Toddlers :
Delay your transition to a toddler’s bed.
Sleep disturbances are common when you switch too soon. If your toddler climbs out of the crib and safety is an issue, wait until they are closer to three.
Keep your nap going!
Continue to nap in the afternoon until your child is at least 2.5. Gradually reduce the afternoon nap to prevent night waking or bedtime resistance.
Create sleep rules.
Use a visual tool like a clock to let your toddler know it is time to wake up. Repeat the rules every night.
Do not bring them to bed when you are sick.
If they are sick, you should sleep in their room. It will prevent them from forming bad habits once they are better.
Good nutrition can help you sleep better.
Iron, zinc and magnesium, as well as foods rich in tryptophan (like bananas or oats), support the brain and improve sleep patterns.
Pinky McKay – Gentle Parenting and Responsive Sleep
Pinky McKay’s approach is grounded in empathy and understanding. She is an internationally certified lactation specialist and bestselling author who empowers parents to understand their baby’s cues.
There is no “one-size-fits-all” solution to sleep
Understanding why your baby wakes up
Babies wake up because they want to have something. This could be food, comfort or reassurance. This is not “bad behaviour.” It’s often more effective to address the cause than to try to stop the waking.
The concept of hunger is still valid, especially for breastfed infants.
Night feedings may be necessary due to daytime distractions, growth spurts or other factors. If a mother has a smaller milk storage capacity, then night feedings may be necessary.
Pre-bed snacks are great for babies and toddlers.
Tryptophan, an amino acid that promotes sleep, is found in foods like bananas, oatmeal, and yogurt.
Consider food sensitivities.
Even natural compounds found in healthy foods like apples and berries can disrupt sleep for sensitive children. Keep a food journal and note symptoms if you suspect there is a connection.
The pain of teething is real.
The molars can be a major source of discomfort. You can ease your child’s pain by elevating the mattress or using a toddler pillow for children older than 18 months.
Separation anxiety
Your toddler may require more interaction at night as they become more independent during the day. This is not a regression, but an emotional refuelling.
Connection is more important than control.
Spend some quiet time together before you go to bed. This can include eye contact, cuddling, and laughter. These “top-ups” are great for your relationship.
“Can go a very long way to reducing resistance at bedtime.
What’s the difference between rocking and nursing to sleep? It’s okay.
It’s okay if it works for both you and your child. You can gradually transition to a more relaxed environment by adding soft music, dimming the lights, or using other soothing cues.
Final Thoughts – There is no perfect way – Only your Way
What works for one family might not work for another. Some babies are accustomed to a routine, and others require more flexibility. Some toddlers need firm boundaries while others require a more gentle approach.
Experts agree that the most important thing is to listen to your child and trust your instincts. It’s not a trophy if your baby sleeps through the night by 12 weeks. And it’s also no problem if they are still awake at 12 months.
You can do it all, whether you are sleep-training, co-sleeping with your child, napping in contact, or just surviving. You are doing an excellent job. One day, you will wake up to find that everyone has slept all night.
