30 Ridiculously Dumber Things We’ve Done When Sleep-Deprived
Being a parent is exhausting. That’s an understatement. Sleep is a luxury and not a right when you have a baby. You stumble along, bleary-eyed, barely functioning, and only held together by love, caffeine, and adrenaline.
At first, it is just a few bad days. Then weeks. Then months. Sleep deprivation will soon become your new normal. This sleepless existence brings a new level of fog to your mind. Sleep deprivation can make you a person who is not as organized or smart as you used to be before having a baby.
We asked around and laughed with other parents to compile the ultimate list of stupid, hilarious, and relatable things people do when they are running out of gas. You’re not the only one who has done half of these things.
1. Use Cat Food Instead of Tuna in Your Child’s Sandwich
You opened a tin. You thought it was a can of tuna. It was so different that you thought it was tuna. But after a few bites, you realized it wasn’t. Your child may have found a new source of protein, while the cat enjoyed her meal earlier.
2. You Held Your Phone While Looking For It
This is an old classic. You rush through the house, panicking, because you are already late, only to find that your phone is lit by the flashlight you accidentally switched on 10 minutes earlier.
3. Use Nappy Cream As a Moisturizer
Same tube shape. Same tube shape. You smell like zinc and regret instead of glowing skin. Your cheeks have been suspiciously white.
4. Call Your Child by the Dog Name
You’ve got kids. You have pets. When the brain is tired, it will select any names. Sometimes even your own.
5. You Found Your Phone in the Fridge Next to the Milk
Yes, the temperature was low. Yes, it was cold. You still don’t understand how it got to you.
6. You Brought Your Child’s Bag to Work
It’s a bit embarrassing to reach into your bag expecting your laptop at work and pull out a half-eaten banana, a bunny stuffed with stuffing, and a milk bottle.
7. Spray Air Freshener Instead Of Perfume
Both come in sleek cans that smell “fresh” until you realize that you smell like “ocean mist” instead of the usual floral top notes.
8. Add Breast Milk to your Coffee
It’s fair to say that is. When the fridge is empty and the coffee has been made, you’ll have to make do with what you can.
9. You Left the House with Your Shirt Inside-Out
By accident, you only realized that someone had complimented the “cool exposed seam” look at 3 pm.
10. Fallen Asleep in the Toilet
It’s quiet. It has a locking door. For two blissful moments, you are alone. You are only human.
11. You Left the ATM without your Cash
You get that sinking feeling as you realize you have money sitting in your bank account, but you’re not there.
12. Rocked Back and Forth in Line
You are in the supermarket. You gently sway or even bounce a little. A stranger smiles. Smile back. You realize that the baby is at home. Your muscle memory is now in charge.
13. Use Salt instead of Sugar
Why am I so irritable after drinking coffee and salt?
14. Arrived at an Appointment One Day Early
You’re dressed. You are on time. You’ve even brought some snacks. Your calendar says Tuesday. What is the appointment? Wednesday. Classic.
15. Two Mismatched Shoes
You only noticed it when someone said,” Cool Look.” “Is it on purpose?”
16. You Stepped into the Shower with Your Clothes Still On
Pants and everything. Water rushing. Water running
17. I Left the House with Slippers
Technically, they’re footwear. They were also the most comfortable option.
18. Threw the Shell of an Egg into the Pan after cracking the Egg and dumping it in the Trash
You stared at the pan, totally confused, as though it had betrayed you.
19. You’ve Lost Your Car in the Parking Lot
You swear that you parked close to the entrance. You’re now clicking your key fob as you wander aisle by aisle like a lost traveler in your own life.
20. I Walked into a Store without Knowing Why
You stared at the frozen peas in front of you for 10 minutes before you realized that your brain simply restarted during a walk.
21. Left Paid Groceries in the Supermarket
The bags were never removed from the checkout line. The anger. The despair. The deep sigh.
22. You’ve Dropped Off Your Child on a Pupil-Free Day
No other cars. No other cars. The awkward drive back home with the child laughing in the back.
23. Baby Food as Breakfast
The baby’s spoon was in a squeeze bag. You were holding a baby’s spoon. Your toast was on fire. What’s the difference between a mashed banana with quinoa?
24. I Boiled the Kettle 15 Times and Still Didn’t Make Tea
You fill it. It boils. You get distracted. Repeat. Repeat.
25. Washing Your Face with a Dirty Cloth
It wasn’t until you smelled it that you realized it was the cloth used to mop the floor. It was already too late.
26. You Left the House with your Nursing Bra Still Unhooked
Perhaps someone did notice. Maybe no one did. The breeze revealed all you need to know.
27. Drive Several blocks with your coffee mug on the roof
It stayed on, which was surprising. You now know why your car smells of caramel macchiato.
28. You have re-washed your Laundry Multiple Times because youforgott to hang it up
You can tell a lot by the smell. Again. Again. And again.
29. Mascara Only On One Eye
You told yourself it was subtle. You were smug until a stranger approached you and asked if they could see your play.
30. Coffee on Cereal
There was cereal. The coffee was warm. You made a decision. It wasn’t the best choice.
Truth Behind the Chaos
Sleep deprivation can affect more than your tiredness. It can affect mood, memory, and coordination. It may alsohurtn your mental health. It’s a universal experience for parents.
Early parenting is physically and emotionally challenging. Your baby is waking every two hours. At 6 am, you might be needed by another child. You have to remember your appointments, keep up with friends, and manage a baby. Four hours of interrupted sleep is not enough.
Many new parents feel like they are operating in a state of dreamlike confusion or a fog that never ends. Everything moves more slowly. The decisions take longer. You lose track of what you’re saying. This is not a sign of weakness. That’s biology.
Why it Matters
These stories are not only funny, but also reveal something more: the invisible work that goes into parenting. These are the ones that keep ticking even after the baby has fallen asleep, dishes have been done, and you think everyone is “doing a great job.”
Nobody Sleeps, Not Even the Baby
When the baby does not sleep, no one sleeps. Not the other children. Not the partner. Not the partner. Not the parents.
A baby who iswell-restedd will usually be happier. A well-rested adult is also a calmer and safer parent. Rest is important for you to be the best parent and to be healthier.
How to Survive the Sleep-Deprived Years (without pouring coffee on your cereal again)
These tips may help you to stay afloat, even though nothing can replace a solid night’s sleep:
- Take a nap when you can. Even 20 minutes is helpful. Let the dishes wait.
- Do not be afraid to ask for help.
- Simplify your routines. This is not the time to be a closet organizer or to cook elaborate meals.
- Alternate nights or shifts with your partner.
- Reduce your expectations. You don’t have to keep the house spotless. Your baby does not need to wear hand-embroidered onesies.
- Have a good laugh at these stories. Someday, they’ll be legends.
- Tell your fellow parents about it. They’ll laugh and nod as they say, “Same.”
Before you Fall Asleep Reading this, One Final Word
Take heart if you are reading this article with your eyes open and aburp clothh on your shoulder. You are not failing. You are not broken. You are just tired.
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