All pregnant mums have read it – What to Expect When You’re Expecting. Yes, it’s the bible when it comes to pregnancy as it walks you through the symptoms (and produce aisle) of your pregnancy. And while the week by week pregnancy guides are helpful and accurate, they don’t always tell you what you really need to know.
So here is our guide on what to expect each month during pregnancy, Babyology style.
The first month (the poppy seed stage)
You won’t know you’re pregnant yet so you can expect to feel pretty much normal. You will end this month by peeing on a stick, possibly several times, just to make sure it’s real.
The second month (the kumquat stage)
You will start this month with breasts that have grown three sizes in two days and a stomach that hates you. You may want to eat everything in your fridge or you may want to throw your lunch across the room and curse the skies for inventing food.
The third month (the lemon stage)
As your little one grows, your tolerance probably won’t. In fact, you will probably become a hormonal mess. You can expect to cry a lot, especially during sappy commercials and you can also expect to move your bedtime to 7pm.
You may even experience the need to rotate between weeing and vomiting throughout the day. Lemon month is a fun month. Ironically, lemon juice can actually help with the sickness.
The fourth month (the mango stage)
Mango stage marks better days for many pregnant women, so you might actually be able to tolerate food and people again. You won’t, however, be able to tolerate your clothes anymore. Give up on jeans now and just accept sweat pants and yoga gear as your new clothing of choice.
This is also a good month to give in to the hair bun.
The fifth month (the cauliflower stage)
You can expect to glow this month as your pregnancy starts to take shape. No, just kidding, you are probably just sweating, especially if it’s summer. You can counteract the sweating with plenty of icy margaritas, soft serve ice cream and cold sushi. Oh, wait, no you can’t.
But you can have chocolate. So load up.
The sixth month (the butternut pumpkin stage)
By now you’ll be able to feel your baby kick which is such an amazing feeling. So you can expect a lot of people to want to touch your belly to see if they can feel the kicks as well. This won’t stop at your partner or best friend. Strangers. Shop owners. Everyone wants a piece of the pumpkin.
And it won’t stop at belly touches either. You can also expect your sixth month to be filled with advice about being a new mum from pretty much anyone who has ever seen a baby before.
The seventh month (the pineapple stage)
This is the month when sleeping starts to become a myth. You will want to sleep on your stomach, but be unable to, which will result in constant tossing and turning. You will also need to pee 10 times every night and you may even experience those incredibly vivid and crazy dreams that can leave you lying awake for hours.
You might also get restless legs or leg cramps in the middle of the night. Both are equally as annoying. You can take magnesium or add more calcium to your diet. Or you can just complain a lot. Both work.
The eighth month (the honeydew stage)
You can expect to pee your pants any time you sneeze or laugh, especially if you’ve had a baby before. You may even enjoy a bout or two of haemorrhoids. And, again, you can expect to sweat pretty much just thinking about getting out of bed. For some women, this is also around the time your nipples will start to leak colostrum so, essentially, you can expect to spend most of the month wet.
This is also around about the time that your nesting instinct kicks in. Even if you never thought you were like that, thought it wouldn’t happen to you, chances are there’ll be a point when you’re on your knees cleaning the bathroom grout with a toothbrush and you suddenly realise that you need everything in the Babies R Us catalogue. The good news is, they have a baby registry! So you can sign up for that and then share it with everyone you know, and get back to cleaning that grout.
The ninth month (the watermelon stage)
You’re on the home stretch and you’ve done so well so far! You’ve experienced the glow, the kicks, the beautiful belly taking shape and now it’s time to enjoy the final month which includes learning how to waddle like a duck, understanding the difference between labour pains and indigestion and most likely losing a lot more fluid from your nether regions as your due date approaches.
Prepare to ask yourself, “Is that a contraction?” or “Did I just pee myself?” at least five times this month.
The tenth month (the ‘I hate produce’ stage)
This shouldn’t even be a month and if it is a month for you, you can expect to have a firm disgust for time, calendars and pretty much everything else. You can also expect to detest anyone who says, “Haven’t you had that baby yet?”
It’s perfectly acceptable to sit on the lounge at this stage and yell profanities at the television, your partner, the mailman and your unborn baby who clearly didn’t get the memo. In fact, it’s recommended. Maybe not by doctors, but by me.
So there you go – your guide to pregnancy, month by month. Just remember that, in between the not-so-wonderful stuff above, there are countless amazing moments during these 40 weeks. So take those week-by-week guides in stride. Every pregnancy is different, even if the fruit comparisons remain the same.
(This is a sponsored post for Babies R Us)