Uh-oh. Hell hath no gosh-darned, fair-enough fury like that dealt by a tired person carrying an entire human in her belly.
Balls, balls, balls
The Carrie and Tommy radio show has just uploaded a cautionary tale of man vs preggo lady and it’s the sort of harrowing story we know you’ll love. It arcs from desperate desire to horror to disappointment, ending with a surprising resolution – and a conspiratorial chortle.
Let us take you on this ride, with some help from the social media folk at HIT FM and main players radio presenter Tommy Little and his fellow host, pregnant Carrie Bickmore.
“Before the show each day Carrie looks forward to her special treat,” the Carrie and Tommy show explains. The treat is a protein ball, just so you know.
So what happened to this much-coveted protein ball?
“Today Tommy stole it and ate it,” the clip revealed, cheerfully noting it unleashed a “side of Bickmore you have never seen before” because of COURSE IT DID YOU MONSTERS.
(BTW we’re totally calling her Bickmore from now on, too.)
“Find your own f@!king food!”
Veiling this heartless prank as a sort of helpful public service announcement, the program suggested Instagram followers tread lightly around expectant ladies if they quite like drawing breath and being … you know … alive.
“This is why you don’t take a pregnant woman’s food,” they posted innocently alongside ‘Bickmore’s’ reaction video.
“Carrie was livid,” the pranksters admitted. “We have actually never seen her this mad before.”
Read more about Carrie Bickmore:
- “There is no rulebook for grief”: Carrie Bickmore on her two miscarriages
- Watch Carrie Bickmore tell daughter Evie she’s pregnant with baby number THREE!
- Carrie Bickmore shares first photo of her baby bump
Here’s what Livid Bickmore said when she realised Tommy had eaten her very special thing …
‘You ate my thing that I was so excited about eating, I’ve got two peanut butter ones, you could have had one of those. Instead, you’ve eaten the one I was really excited about eating,’ she yelled. You know exactly what I’m talking about! Mate. F@!k you, I’m the one pregnant. Find your own f@!king food!”
“Livid Bickmore’s Amazing (Ball) Race”
What followed were furious demands for replacements and a kind of Amazing Ball Race, as staff and then Tommy himself rushed to find new balls for Livid Bickmore.
It was a bridge too far for the hungry, human-growing mum though. The new balls were not her trusty faves and what kind of monster eats a pregnant woman’s food anyway? What even IS this life?
“I don’t want your protein balls, take them all back,” a devastated Livid Bickmore said. “I am a pregnant woman, I have cravings, and one of them was the one that I was going to eat this afternoon, I step out of the room for two seconds and it’s in your gob.” #Sob
It all ends up okay because later Carrie admitted the new balls were in fact “really delicious”. So nobody got killed and phew.
Watch the whole exchange below and don’t be surprised if the edge-of-seat “Livid Bickmore’s Amazing Ball Race” pops up on Network Ten’s pilot list next year.
Exhibit One aka Brutal and Busted
Exhibit Two aka The Coconut Clue
Exhibit Three aka Get The Hell Out Of Here
The plot thickens?
Okay. Can we also say that this is most likely a thinly veiled promo for a particular brand of protein balls, but it touches on the tension between pregnant women and the rest of the world so we totally wrote it up. (Also we wanted to refer to Carrie as Livid Bickmore a couple of times and this was our only legitimate opportunity.)
Fact is that Bickmore is a lover of cake, hot chips and peanut butter toast.
The notion that protein balls would be top of her pregnancy cravings list is almost as hard to swallow as an actual protein ball.
GIVE US A RUM BALL ANY DAY!! Or a toppling sponge, even?! Maybe some Cheezels?