9 times pregnancy makes you painfully aware your body is NOT your own

Ahhh pregnancy. That wonderful, glowing season where new life is unfurling inside you.

When you’re sitting at your desk typing emails and inside your belly eyelashes and fingernails are forming. As you do.

There’s no denying pregnancy is one of the weirdest and most wonderful things in the world, but sometimes it just feels like that new life forming inside you is a parasite taking over your body.

Here are 9 times pregnancy feels like a hostile take over

1. When you decide it’s time to sleep and your baby decides it’s time to practice the foxtrot on your diaphragm

Whyyy? Just why?

2. When you go out for burgers. Then pasta. Then dessert. Then more burgers.

Never get in the way of a pregnant woman, her insatiable appetite, and the nearest plate of food. You’ve had to forgo soft cheeses, sushi and deli meats, and this one thing you can eat may as well be your last meal. Unless, of course, you get burgers afterwards.

3. When your brain leaves the building, and doesn’t return for oh, five years

Yep. We feel your pain. And the worst is the people (who have never been pregnant) who think that #babybrain is a myth.

4. When you’re punished with raging heartburn every time you eat chips or chocolate

You can’t have coffee, and wine is a big no-no. So a little harmless chocolate or french fry is justified, right? Wrong! The baby has spoken.

5. When you’re torn between wanting to make sure you’re hydrated, and not wanting to pee for the 184th time

Ahh yes, the joys of urgent ‘nature calls’ in early pregnancy. And the middle trimester. Oh and near the end too.

6. When you’re in the middle of retelling a hilarious anecdote, and just as you reach the climax, you get a kick to the ribs that leaves you gasping

What can we say? The baby had heard the story too many times I guess.

7. When you’re lugging around a bump the size of a genetically modified watermelon, and discover aching muscles you never knew you had

The best present you can give a pregnant woman is a back massage gift voucher. The. Best.

8. When you can’t keep your eyes open on the train after work

There’s a certain kind of fatigue reserved just for pregnant women. I mean, it takes a lot of energy to build a femur and a shoulder joint, right?

9. When your boobs decide to upstage you

There’s nothing like leaking breasts to kill the mood during that important executive presentation. Or keep the audience utterly transfixed. It’s all how you see it!

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