Mum shares “dumbest” names from her son’s school and has she got a point?

Woman with OMG balloon

Okay. Look. We KNOW this is a bit cheeky. We KNOW feelings might have been hurt. But honestly? We totally GET why this mum spent a gleeful hour or so tweeting unusual names plucked from her son’s Junior High yearbook. While many of these names are probably fine in isolation, when examined as a group they do seem a little … rogue?

“The dumbest Utah names”

 admits she was already sleepless, and it’s probable that she was feeling tired and emotional when this delightful situation played out. A casual flip through her son’s high school yearbook not only appears to have waylaid any possibility of shut-eye, but also proved irritating enough to prompt a very public response.

A problem shared is a problem halved, or so the saying goes. Allison was keen to share the very many things she found problematic in the yearbook – and honestly, she must be all outta worries now because it was A LOT.

“I’m too tired to sleep,” she began, “So I’m going to tweet out the dumbest Utah names from my son’s Junior High yearbook. Buckle up.” That was enough to make us titter already because who even dares to a) go public with the names they hate and b) laugh in the face of the school gate parent wrath. 

Allison dares, that’s who. 

“Preslee. Madolin. Kolten. Atylee. Mekeli. Paityn. Kyson. Taeber. Saydee. Makinlee. Haleigh. Braylin. Syrie. Madisyn. Kirtlyn,” she tweeted, delivering on her promise because honestly what the actual heck? “Madysen. Aeryn. Taiten. Taycie. Gambit. Aroarin. Braxton. Macady. Maycee. Jaxon. Ryker. Jaxon. Jr. Laycee. Taeton.”


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Why tho?

It seems that the very often Mormon population of Utah have some distinct patterns and preferences when it comes to baby-naming.

“The quintessential Utah name often has a French-sounding prefix such as Le-, La-, Ne-, or Va-,” writer Cari Bilyeu Clark says on the Utah Baby Namer site. “Often names appear to have genesis in the combined names of the parents–Veradeane or GlenDora, for example. Related is the practice of feminizing the father’s name–as in Vonda (dad is Vaughan) or Danetta. Others, such as Snell or Houser, appear to be surnames called into service as first names.”

Riffing off this theme, the name generator Utah Baby Namer was created by clever cookie Dave Healey to try and predict the kooky names Mormons might name their kiddo.

“By feeding 200,000 Utah baby names into an artificial intelligence algorithm called a recurrent neural network, Dave created the generator, which takes weird baby names to a whole new level,” LDS Living reports. (We got Kerszie Kipre johnson for a girl and Milos Leyfon Johnson for a boy when we tried it!)

“Legit 100% real names”

Meanwhile, Allison’s baby name tweets tweeted on, spotting these kooky kids in the actual wild.

“Jaidyn. Tayson. Maddyson. Bayli. Kaydee. Madyson. Madysen. Rylei. Braelyn. Micaylee. Ashlynn. Braxton. Dezalin. Dreyasin. (The last two are twins.) Jaxen. Ryen. Paizley. Garyn. Kasidy. Zoie. Maecy. Addisen. Kambri. Cambrie. Trenton. Bayleigh. Avorie. Sydnee. MacLaine.”

“These are legit 100% real names straight from the yearbook,” Allison confirmed.

Where there was a vowel, Utah parents applied a “y”. Conversely, where there traditionally was a “y” they popped in an “ee” or an “ie” or an “eigh”. Sigh.

The letter “x” replaced “ck” with wild abandon and the letter “z” subbed in instead of “s” on one occasion. 

Frankly, it’s not hard to understand why Allison was keen to shine a light on this confusing state of affairs.

“And my hands down favourite this year . . . FELECYA . . . bye”

“Save your outrage”

Preempting snarky comments about her being mean-spirited, Allison was not having a bar of it.

“Listen up, all of you threatening to call the police or press charges: I didn’t name these children,” she pointed out. “It’s not my fault. Also, every single one of these children is white. 99.9% of them are Mormons. At least one of them is named after a favourite gun. Save your outrage.”

In. Deed. (Thank you, Allison!)

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