25 cute baby names with shockingly cringeworthy meanings

Posted in Baby Names.
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Some names are so cute to say that they slip off the tongue and automatically produce a “naww” from passersby. But, turns out, some of the cutest (and trendy) baby names come with some awfully awkward meanings.

Sorry Calvin, Cecilia and Cameron. We’re looking at you.

My name means what???

This will most likely be the reaction of the children who were blessed with these baby names which sound cute and innocent but come with some seriously dreadful meanings. See mums and dads, this is why it’s always best to check the dictionary when selecting baby names…

Baby boy names

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Arron – “Carnage, slaughter”

What little boy doesn’t want to grow up knowing he was named after a horrifying murder scene?

Byron – “Barn for cows”

Moooooo.

Brendan – “Stinking hair”

What should we name our baby?

I know, let’s smell him at birth and then name him the first thing that comes to mind.

Done. 

Calvin – “Bald”

Poor Calvin doesn’t have a chance.

Cameron – “Crooked nose”

Because what child doesn’t want to be named after a character flaw?

Campbell – “Crooked mouth”

Oh look, it’s Cameron’s little brother, the one with the weird looking-mouth. It’s too bad really, because Cameron and Campbell are both quite cute. And highly popular.

Gideon – “Having a stump for a hand”

Umm … okay.

Huxley – “Inhospitable place” 

Poor Huxley, you unfortunate inhospitable creature. Good luck getting a girlfriend in the future, mate.

Jacob and James“Supplanter”

What is this? Turns out, a supplanter is someone who deliberately takes the place of someone else. Kind of like a combination of a usurper and an asshole. As a mum with a Jacob, this isn’t the best news I’ve heard today. Sorry kiddo.

Mort – “Dead sea”

How do you ensure your child grows up to hate the ocean? Name him Mort. Naturally.

Samuel – “Prince of darkness”

Well, at least he’s named after a prince…

Seth – “Evil god of chaos”

Not just a god, but an evil one.

Baby girls

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Belinda – “Beautiful snake”

Belinda, you gorgeous serpent, you.

Cassandra – “She who is ignored”

Must be the middle child …

Cecilia – “Blind”

Well, look on the bright side. If Cecilia happens to have a few alcoholic beverages when she gets older, people can say, “Look Cecilia is cecilia.” And that’s always fun.

Desdemona – “Of the devil”

You’re just asking for trouble with this one.

Lamia – “Child killer” 

Tick that one off the baby name shortlist, thanks.

Lola – “Lady of sorrows”

I’m calling it. Lola is going to grow up to be a moody emo teenager.

Lilith – “Night monster” 

Mum what did you name me after?

Your worst nightmare, dear. You’re welcome.

Kennedy – “Misshapen head”

I’m sorry but this is kind of hilarious. Perhaps not to Kennedy.

Mallory – “Unlucky”

I’m willing to bet Mallory is going to grow up to hate her parents … I’ll put $20 on it.

Molly – “Bitter” 

That’s a bitter pill to swallow. Sorry Molly.

Portia – “Pig”

Farm animal names strike again. Parents, back away from the barn …

Rebecca – “To bind, to tie”

Because it’s always nice to be named after a form of S&M.

While some of these names are quite out there (how many Gideons do you really know?), others are actually quite popular. Rebecca is one of the most popular baby names to come out of the 80s while Jacob and James have consistently made the most popular list for several years.

Amazingly enough these aren’t the worst of the worst when it comes to bad baby names. Oh no – we have a whole slew of baby names that are even more awful and awkward just waiting to make you cringe. Check out “Hello, I’m Furious” – 40 unusual baby names that actually exist and the worst baby names ever (seriously, ever).

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