New spider toy urges kids to yell louder and louder to make it crawl and jump

yellies spider toy

The toy spiders are voice activated and the more your child yells, the fast they will crawl! Oh hurrah. Sob.

Not today, Satan

“Yellies! are the new spider toys … your kid won’t be able to stop screaming at,” maker Hasbro trumpeted on Twitter … and all the mums and dads put their heads in their hands and started sobbing.

Hasbro seems to think that parents are keen to a) have an unpredictable and menacing toy spider scuttling underfoot and b) encourage their children to be even. More. Noisy.

“Talk quietly = Yellies! moves slowly,” Hasbro explains on the dedicated Yellies! website. “Talk loudly = Yellies! moves faster! Whoa! Have fun and change the volume of your voice!”

It’s possible that – as the end of the year rolls in and the pressure to maximise the lucrative Christmas toy market amps up – this toy’s inventors are having some sort of breakdown. Poor things.

We sympathise with their plight, but feel a tiny bit peeved that the associated ripples are being felt in homes across the globe, as children circle these terrifying, chaos-encouraging critters in catalogues and try to pester-power them a place under the Christmas tree.


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“Screams of terror”

Other parents have issued warnings via Amazon’s always entertaining review section, explaining the Yellies! have made an indelible mark on their brood.

“My 3-year-old is terrified of it,” one parent admitted. “His screams of terror drives the toy crazy which makes his screams even crazier. It’s a cycle of chaos that we can’t help but laugh at. Our neighbours probably hate us and we should probably feel bad for laughing but we don’t.”

“I’ve been looking for something to make my kids play louder!” another reviewer posted. “I’m so glad they now have a toy they HAVE to yell at! My kids are so well behaved they definitely won’t decide to play with these at 3am. Great invention guys!”

“FINALLY a toy that will make other parent’s miserable,” someone else wrote in their review of the Yellies! “Where have you been all my life?!”

“Buy this if you hate someone with kids,” a thoughtful type suggested.

Bless. 

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