A viral post by a gent suggesting men listen to their partners more – even on Facebook – is going viral and all the ladies in the house are doing a slow clap.
Every day she tags me in stuff on Facebook. Every day. Like several times a day. As if she bounces around the internet…
Look. We don’t mean to be tetchy, but there’s a swathe of posts gaining attention online at the moment and they have many things in common.
Generally, it’s a man having an a-ha moment when he realises his partner or wife is not talking some kind of “wa-wa” Charlie Brown’s teacher type chatter, but rather communicating things of value to him that he might want to listen to. Who. Knew? (Women! That’s who!)
The man then often tells other men to listen and act (as the women are drumming their fingers and noting that they’ve been hoping for the very same thing for about 568 days now and nobody listened to them!)
“Every day she tags me…”
In the latest instalment of “men who listen to women” (very excellent) dad blogger Brad Kearns (of DadMumOfficial) realised that when his wife was tagging him in various things on Facebook, she was not simply trying to annoy him. Nope. It dawned on him that the posts usually contained something relevant to their their family/life – rather than being a kind of persistent, unsolicited virtual poke (if you will!)
Brad explains how this played out in their relationship:
“Every day she tags me in stuff on Facebook. Every day. Like several times a day. As if she bounces around the internet just looking for random shit to let me know is out there. Memes, events, stories etc. I used to find it annoying. I didn’t really know why half of it was relevant,” he admitted with what seems like thinly veiled disdain.
“Read the post”
Eventually it dawned on him that the “random shit” (his words!) might actually provide some insight into what was important to his wife, and that perhaps he might want to pay a bit more attention to her proactive attempts at reaching out to him.
“Over time I’ve learned that she tags me in shit because it’s either funny, insightful or relevant to us and our relationship. Sometimes it helps her tell me something because it’s so relevant and she couldn’t have said it better herself. I try to make a point of acknowledging it. It doesn’t take any effort at all,” he shared, vulnerably evolving his emotional intelligence right before our very eyes.
In the wake of his realisation, he urged other men to fall in line too. Brad suggested guys stop being dismissive of things that their wives or partners share, saying he saw a lot of this shady – and mostly male – behaviour going on, right on his own Facebook page. Brad thinks men can do better. Much better.
“Read the post. Just f*cking read it. If she tagged you in it, she wants you to look at it. If you were at the park and she said “hey look at that” would you ignore it? Would you make a snide remark about how much effort it will take you to see it? I think not. Show her you love her. Let her know you care. Read the f*cking post!”
Yessss. It’s great that some usually dismissive dudes are waking up and setting about approaching their relationships with greater respect and curiosity (indeed some have been doing that all along), but it’s terrible that ignoring women seems to be the default for some men.
We’re glad Brad’s post is getting lots of attention and sparking chatter and change in some relationships, but we really, really look forward to the day when listening to women is simply the default.
And we really, really, really look forward to the day when women’s experiences of parenting and relationships aren’t only understood and valued after men have navigated similar or done some super deep-diving into their feelings. Simply listening to their spouse the first time she recounts how things are for her – rather than waiting for another dude to confirm her experience – would work best, thanks.
What are your thoughts?!