The most annoying comments people without kids say to parents

We have all been in a situation where a non-parent friend says something that really grinds our gears. Most likely it’s not on purpose but it can still make us want to throw a pack of gummy bears at their heads. So, if you have ever been approached with these gems, here’s how to respond.

And, to all non-parents out there, here are the things to avoid saying to your sleep-deprived mates if you don’t want to be pegged in the head with gummy bears.

You know they don’t mean to annoy you. But it’s hard not to be annoyed when you hear these lovely questions and comments, especially when they come from childless mates.

“Why are you so late?”

Ask my children, who insisted of taking off all their clothes seconds before we got into the car to come visit. It’s actually a miracle we made it at all.

“Can you go out tonight?” 

Unless it is a weekend, the invitation comes with a promise of a super awesome babysitter or there is at least 48 hours notice, then no.

“Why don’t you answer your phone?”

Because I live in a madhouse and the only way I can actually communicate with the outside world is via text message while hiding in the toilet. And no one likes a toilet phone call.

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“Why are you so tired?” 

Because I have had someone not sleeping on top of my head since 2010.

“Let’s meet at the nicest, poshest, most expensive restaurant in town (and around the same time as your child’s bedtime).”

Unless the place comes with a kids’ area, a promise of fast service and chips on the menu, then it’s not happening.

“You post a lot of photos of your kids on Facebook.” 

Well, it’s either the kids or piles of laundry. And I figured the kids are cuter than my mum bras.

“When are you having another one?”

When the first round are able to fend for themselves. Unless you’re offering to take the others…

“It must be so relaxing being at home all day.” 

Oh, sorry, did you say something? I couldn’t hear you over the screams of my children as they try to injure each other with cricket bats.

“Have you seen the latest movie/TV show/etc?”

If it’s not animated and on past 9pm, then the answer is going to be no.

Always.

“When I have my own kids I will never….” 

*Throw gummy bears.* This is the only appropriate response to this one.

Make sure you check out some of our other tongue-in-check guides including what not to say to a pregnant woman, what not to say to a stay at home mum and the things we all said we wouldn’t do before having kids (and have done several times since then).

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