We are always friendly to each other, waving and smiling as we put out the bins and check the post for junk mail, but I wonder, do you secretly harbour dark thoughts about me?
I understand if you do. But I swear I am not the mentally unstable mum you fear I am. Here’s what you don’t know about me, that I really wish you did!
You hear the worst version of me
When you are quietly sitting in your sunroom, sipping tea and reading the local rag, you must mutter to yourself, “here she goes again” as you hear me yelling at my boys in the backyard, or from the depths of my house.
But the thing is, this shouty mum is the only version of me that you DO hear. And even I don’t like her.
More on angry mum days:
- 8 ways to yell less and still retain your parenting power
- Mum’s relatable post strikes a chord: “Today I hated my kids”
- Hey angry mum in Maccas. I feel you, and I have your back
When I am losing my sh!t at my little monkeys for running away from me, or when they are refusing to get into their car seats. When every other trick in my parenting book has failed, you are the audience to the worst version of me that I loathe: the angry mum who has lost control and isn’t coping, sigh.
But I am not ALWAYS like this!
I am also the mum who you secretly hope, for my kids’ sake, that I am – I promise.
You don’t hear the number of times I whisper, “I love you” to them as I cuddle their small little bodies into mine.
You don’t hear me calmly chatting to them as we squish play dough and make paper bag puppets at the kitchen bench.
You don’t hear the laughter as I tickle them on my bed – or maybe you do, but I hope you know these are squeals of joy and not pain.
You don’t hear me trying to discipline them calmly, without raising my voice – because, believe it or not; I do try.
You don’t hear me quietly reading The Gruffalo‘ 10 times in a row because that is their favourite book of the moment.
You don’t hear me clicking a train track together as I bond with them on the floor.
You don’t hear me teaching them how to scrub the loo and wipe down the bath.
You don’t hear me being the calm, happy, in control mum – ever.
I want you to know
When I resort to yelling at my kids, it’s because I have lost it. It’s not because I don’t respect your right to peace or that I am some crazy bitch mum who is miserable. I’m a good mum, and I’m also pretty happy – most days. I just have moments when I am at the end of my tether, and unfortunately, that’s all you hear to paint a picture of me.
So please neighbours, I will try harder to yell less, but I want you to know that I’m not who you hear, well most of the time anyway.