Maybe it was fate or maybe it was just a case of the male sperm reaching those prized eggs first, but I was gifted two beautiful boys to love and raise, instead of the baby girl I had been hoping for.
And now I know why …
A daughter dream
Before I even got pregnant, I longed for a daughter. But this had nothing to do with liking the colour pink or being particularity ‘girly’ myself (and yes, I know lots of girls aren’t either and that boys can like pink and play with dolls too). Rather, it had to do with the close bond I have with the amazing women in my life.
My experience of female friendships has been so rich from my grandmother, to my mother and friends, that I wanted to experience that with my own daughter. It’s not that I DIDN’T want a son, I just didn’t know if I would be able to relate to him in the same deep way. I didn’t so much want to ‘raise a girl’ as I wanted that special female connection.
It also didn’t help that my mum has told me pretty much every day of my life how wonderful it is to have a daughter!
But I had sons
When I found out I was carrying a boy by the IVF clinic where we conceived, I admit I felt a bit stunned. I was overjoyed to be pregnant and extremely grateful too, but I also wondered what that relationship was going to be like. I knew I would love and adore him, but would he love me, always? Would we have a close bond after he spread his wings and left the nest after I had raised him into a young man, for instance?
Then when we were pregnant again with a son a couple of years later, I was so happy but I also grieved the girl we would probably never have. I knew we were most likely going to stop at two children.
Read more about pregnancy fears:
- The biggest fears all mums-to-be have before baby arrives
- “I won’t love this baby as much!” 5 fears we all have before baby number two
- 6 irrational fears keeping you up at night when pregnant
And now I know why
Now my precious boys are five and three, I’ve realised a few things:
1. I had underestimated the mother/son bond
I know now that the bond I have with my sons is forever and it is much richer than I ever imagined because it is that of a mother and her child.
I also know the relationship I have with them is a truly beautiful one. Mums carry a special place in their son’s hearts (and I see it so clearly now with my own partner and his mum). Whereas girls can fight and bicker with their mums, sometimes like sisters, boys see their mums with rose coloured glasses. Mums to sons are just the best!
2. Boys are super affectionate and emotional too
My boys are so cuddly and sweet. Men are taught to ‘suck it up’ and ‘not cry’, but they are innately emotional, just like us. If we raise our boys to be good communicators and allow their feelings to be seen and experienced, then they will not be emotionally shut off. I think this was one of my fears about having a son.
3. I am evolving as a person
We are all evolving and life continuously teaches us lessons. For me, having boys instead of the daughter I thought I wanted has taught me that having a preconceived idea about something you know nothing about (in this case thinking I’d be better suited to raising a daughter than sons) is futile.
I don’t think we will ‘try for a girl’. Life can be tricky for us (I have a complex medical condition which makes the juggle even harder) and so perhaps our family of four – three of whom are boys – is complete now.
I feel blessed to have my sons and I also know now that I was supposed to be their mother in this life. All children are gifts and I’m incredibly thankful to be given mine.