How to trick your kids into thinking you’re a hip mum

Uncool parents, rejoice! Never experience another eye roll at school pick up, another grunt at the dinner table, another, “can you walk a few steps behind me” at the shops. Because we’ve got your guide to tackling tween and kid coolness. And it should keep you on trend for the next three to seven days.

Welcome to our guide to convincing your kids (and their friends) that you’re as fleek as they come (see below to discover what the hell “fleek” means).

1. Own 17 different pairs of sunglasses

Follow Kendall Kardashian on Twitter to ensure you are selecting the right pair every morning.

Steer clear of following the trends of big sister Kim. She’s a mum now.

2. Build up an insane following on Instagram

How do you pull this off? Lots of selfies. Lots of peace signs and pictures with your tongue out. Kiss a woman, perhaps? Don’t take photos of your baby.

3. Use #hashtags

Not just on social media. But in every day conversation. Just stay away from #blessed. This is a dead giveaway that you’re a mum.

Stick to #yolo, #nofilter, #followforfollow (this will also help with #2), #instamood #instafamous, #instacool. Play it safe and always start with #insta.

Avoid #instamum.

4. Make a Vine

If you’ve got a phone and six seconds of spare time, then you can make a vine. Basically all you need to do is film yourself doing a number of everyday tasks, edit these clips together into six seconds of footage and you’ve got yourself a vine.

5. Test out implanted body parts

Large breasts were so last year. This year it’s all about the butt implants. Next year it might return to the breasts. Or make its way down south to the calves. The best way to stay ahead of the implant trend? Stuff bean bags into your bra, panties or elsewhere, depending on what’s in.

(Just don’t let anyone know you sewed the bean bags yourself.)

6. When your neighbour comes over for a tea, greet her with “Hey, Bae”

Bae is the new “baby” in the recent world of teenage slang. It’s critical that you nail this – here’s a video on social media slang to get you started. Here are three more to add to your vocabulary this week.

• Basic –   solely interested in popular, commercial things (this is not a good thing)
• Thirsty – someone who is desperate or over-eager (also not a good thing)
• Fleek – on point (this is what you need to aim for)

Be careful though – these new words have a shelf life of about three weeks. Rotate them into every day conversation casually and always be aware of their use-by-date.

 

7. Ask a question on ask.fm

Ask.fm is the new Yahoo Answers. Choose a really bangin’ profile picture. Write short nonchalant responses. And use plenty of emoticons.

8. Rock up to school listening to EDM

That’s electronic dance music. Not to be mistaken with REM. Or Eminem.

Both of these are out.

9. Pair your Converse sneakers with galaxy prints

Whatever you do, don’t pull out your jeggings. Or your jorts.

10. Kik your kids

Yes, mums and dads, there is a new social media trend in town. It’s called Kik. It’s like Snapchat or Facetime. Actually, it looks exactly the same as Snapchat and Facetime. But it’s less mainstream.

You can thank me later.

Times may have changed and you may have traded in your crop top, music festivals and tequila shots for maternity jeans, Netflix and chai tea, but that doesn’t mean you’re too old to learn new tricks.  And, if you have kids who are not quite old enough to realise just how unhip you really are, then make sure you save this one for later.

What on-trend tips did we miss?