Have a house full of boys? You are in for a treat. In the spirit of wee-soaked toilet seats everywhere, here are ten rules all parents of boys probably live by. And if you don’t or if your little man is still too young to wreak superhero-themed havoc, then save this one for later!
1. The ‘doodle’ is master
All hail Lord Doodle. And expect the doodle to make several appearances over the next few years – in public, at home, in the car. The doodle grab will become their favourite move, but the doodle pull, the doodle flick and the doodle dangle will also be popular.
2. Fifteen minutes is a perfectly acceptable amount of time between meals
It’s a good idea to prepare for the constant stream of food needed by baking in advance, having plenty of snacks prepared throughout the day and making three breakfasts every morning. Oh, and owning a grocery store.
3. Underwear is optional
In fact, clothing, in general, is optional. Hats, on the other hand, are almost always needed. And superhero costumes.
4. Safety is also optional
Band-Aids are a mum’s best friend. The most fun activities for boys are the ones where someone is sure to get hurt – wrestling on the footpath, flipping off the trampoline, riding skateboards down the hill, seeing who can bang their head into the wall the most number of times without falling over…
5. Bikes are for riding indoors
Furniture is only there as an obstacle to crash into.
6. Water is the most amazing thing in the world
Most boys love the water – at the beach, in the bath, at the creek, in the backyard. Just as long as there’s no soap, shampoo or washcloths in sight, then water is the greatest.
7. No, scratch that. Sand is
Sand and water together = a little man’s muddy paradise.
8. Farting sounds top the list as the best thing ever
Any sound that resembles this bodily function is hilarious, whether it comes from your mouth, your finger, your armpit, a whoopee cushion or a recording. And, if you are unimpressed with farting, then this will triple the number of times the noise is repeated. So pretend to love farts – for the sake of your sanity.
9. The world is not in balance unless the entire floor is covered in toys
Boys have an uncanny ability to transform a perfectly clean and tidy home into a disaster zone in under a minute. Time them and see how quick yours are.
10. There is no such thing as the ‘five-second rule’
Just because something has been on the floor all week doesn’t mean it should be binned. In fact, anything on the floor should be taste tested first. This includes, but is not limited to, dried up Play-Doh, dog food, dog poop, dust bunnies, leftover pieces of dinner from three nights ago, dirt, sand, glitter, glue and crayons.
Raising boys is an incredible challenge filled with plenty of chaos and crashes. And I wouldn’t want it any other way.