You’ve been warned. Children can be demanding. Children can be fussy. Children can be hard work. But nothing can prepare you for these daily dramas with little ones in the house. And, for some odd reason, no one seems to write about them in the traditional parenting books.
Come and share in the first world problems of raising children that most of us know all too well.
Stickers are life ruiners
Yes, they entertain children for hours (okay, minutes), but they end up all over the walls, the furniture, the floors and your skin. Everything in our house is covered in stickers. Sometimes I even find stickers attached to the dog’s tail.
And don’t even get me started on bubbles…
If you touch the elevator button, you will die
No one touches the elevator button but your child. If you absent-mindedly press it, then prepare to remain standing there until the elevator returns for the second time.
Silence is never golden.
It means there is cereal all over the floor, there is nail polish all over the walls or someone is taking a poop in the corner of the house
“Can I help” is code for “let’s triple the amount of time it takes”
“Yes, dear, you can help me make cupcakes. And then I’ll spend the rest of the afternoon scrubbing the flour, butter and egg mixture off the kitchen ceiling.”
A clean car is a thing of the past
If there’s only seven pairs of shoes, 18 pieces of rubbish and three mismatched socks in the back, then it’s clean. End of story.
A good night out ends at 8:30pm
The perfect Friday night with kids? An early backyard BBQ, a quick clothes change into pyjamas for the kids, and hopefully a slow drive home that ensures they fall asleep in the car before you pull into the driveway.
There is no such thing as an empty laundry basket
And if the laundry basket is empty, it’s most likely because the dirty clothes are all over the bedroom floors.
When in doubt, check the fridge
Lost your phone? Lost the remote? Lost the keys? Check the fridge. This seems to be the place most kids choose to hide your most precious items.
There, or in the toilet bowl.
Your new name is “Mummy”
Someone calls your name and it takes a few minutes to click and you turn around. Someone yells out “Mummy” from the other side of the parking lot, and you’re all over it.
Your coolness disappears
You may not be able to remember the last time you went to a concert, the latest fashion trend or even who won the game last night (why do games have to start so late?), but I’ll bet you can name every single one of the characters in The Incredibles, Cars and Finding Nemo.
So that’s something, right?
Make sure you check out some of our other features on the truth behind raising children including ways to survive the first three months with a newborn, how to handle the toddler phase and what parents need to remember (especially after a hard day).