10 life goals that only appear on your bucket list AFTER you have babies

Posted in Family.

You could say that the bucket list gets some adjustments once there’s a baby in the house. Scaling Everest or circumnavigating the globe make way for other things.

In fact, we’ve uncovered ten non-fancy but very, very important experiences many mums are wishing for the most. Here’s the skinny on some little things that have a big impact in these early years of parenting:

1. Solo toilet trip

Coming in at number one are the ultra-pizazz-y and luxurious solo toilet trips. When you have a very new baby, you’re often scared to even leave the room in case they disappear in a puff of magical, baby-sneaking smoke. Perhaps you even bring their basinet into the bathroom with you, just to be safe. When your baby is more mobile they will avail you of their presence all by themselves. The days of pooping alone become a distant memory (unless you are the kind of parent who puts their foot down from the get-go and takes no nonsense. Go you. As you were.)

2. Sneezing without peeing

Look. I mean. The pelvic floor. Once we have babies we begin a merry dance with our pelvic floors, the kind where it takes the lead and we shuffle knees-together style along behind, hoping to avoid spills and leaks. Mums look forward to those days when a tickle in the nose does not signal a trickle in the ‘hose. Or something like that.

3. Leaving the house without rogue spit-up on clothing

Babies are so clever, right? They can leave their spitty deposits in the most sneaky and hard-to-find places. It’s only when you’re in the line at the post office and the gent behind you is miming some kind of grimace-brushing-shoulder move that you realise you’ve got a lot more on your shoulders than today’s to-do list. 

4. NOT hearing the words “Is he/she sleeping through yet?”

Ugh. Sleeping through. Yes. My baby is sleeping through some minutes, okay? He’s doing it beautifully and I wish you would just shut the heck up with your conventional sleeping standards. We are all about sleep acceptance and being sleep positive and breaking down sleep stereotypes – so just bugger off. 

5. One whole week where everyone is healthy and happy

In a macabre game of ring-a-rosy, many houses with under 2s may never know a full week without a sniffle, doctors trip or jolly dose of pink eye. Some mums dream of holidays in the Caribbean, but many mums dream of just having a drama-free week, for Pete’s sake.

6. Boobs that aren’t fidget spinners

Babies. They have the whole world at their feet and often their mother’s breasts in between their pinchy little baby fingers. If you’ve had your nipple snaffled by those tiny paws you will know just what we’re talking about here. #FreeTheNipple

7. Hair that does not resemble a birds nest

The mum bun can only go so far in terms of concealing the knots and little smears of smashed avocado we seem to have in our hair most days. Why can’t life just be like The Jetsons? Why can’t we stick our head in a magical machine and emerge shiny and put-together? Whyyyyyy?

8. Discussion about things that don’t involve poo

Who even knew that having a baby would result in the kind of chatter about bottoms and bodily fluids you’d normally find on the dark web? It’s harrowing and we’d like to talk about grown-up things sometimes, thank you very much.

9. A body that doesn’t have a small person swinging from it

Body autonomy is a thing we heard of once. We’ll find out what it means when we detach this toddler from our leg/baby from the crook of our elbow/crawler from our eyelash.

10. An outrage-free day

Small people have a very clear view on what they will and won’t tolerate. If, just for one day, mums could be allowed the pleasure of strapping a child safely into their stroller, putting cereal in a blue bowl (not a yellow one) and popping socks on their kiddo without obsessively smoothing the seams and straightening the ribbing, she could take that wild-eyed, furrowed forehead mummy face down a notch or two. Just for one. Freaking. Day.

Fist bumps to all the mums (and dads!) out there in the trenches of raising great young people. We feel you! We do!

Are any of these things on your bucket list?!


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