What Mums Mean When They Say Parenting is Hard but “SO worth it!”
I had a coffee with one of my best friends the other day. It was a long-overdue catch-up. Since university, we’ve shared many milestones and have always been open to each other. She’s still unsure if motherhood is right for her. I am a mother of two little girls, and she has yet to decide. She is thoughtful, curious, and a good listener.
So I opened it up.
“I’m tired”, I confessed, my voice muffled by the flat white. “Like bone-deep tired. Every hour, I feel stretched out in five directions. Everyone needs me. All. The. Time. I miss the space to think. I miss sleeping. “I miss me.”
She smiled at me with sympathy.
“I miss you,” I added. “I miss being able to sit here without feeling like I have run a marathon to get out of the door.”
The classic mother’s disclaimer was blurted out almost instantly.
“But it’s worth it!” I exclaimed, as if this negated my venting.
She didn’t nod right away.
She looked at me thoughtfully, and said: “You mums all say it. “It is so worth it,” you all say, but none of your mums explain the reason. Instead, you say it. People like me… we don’t get it. “Can you explain why it is so worthwhile?”
It was a big blow to me.
She’s right. We don’t always explain it. We may think that the magic is evident. It’s difficult to describe. Maybe we are so used to justifying our struggles that we forget the joy. She deserved an explanation. Anyone who is trying to understand the messy, beautiful, and complicated thing we call motherhood deserves an answer.
Here’s my detailed, honest explanation of what mums mean by saying, “Parenting can be hard, but so worth it.”
1. When You Feel Love, it Feels Like it Could Crack You Open
When I hold my baby, like after bathtime, when he is wrapped in a warm towel and asleep, the love that fills my chest almost hurts. I breathe in his scent, squeeze him close, and worry that my heart will burst.
This love is the most powerful and deepest thing I have ever experienced. It’s more than just loyalty or affection–it’s an instinctive, primal feeling that says, “I’d walk through fire without hesitation for you.”
It’s never glamorous or Instaworthy. It can be sobbing in a onesie while rocking a colicky child at 3 am. It’s always present. When you feel this emotion in its full force, the transformation is unimaginable.
2. There is a lot of absurd, ridiculous cuteness around you
Nobody tells you it will be cute.
It’s not just the gummy smiles and soft cheeks that make me smile. Although they do. I’m talking about the total adorableness of everything. The way your toddler pronounces “avocado”, buy means “abocado “sambich. Or the way they try to teach you dinosaurs in a serious manner.
It’s just like living with a bunch of fluffy baby pandas. Pandas who are messy, emotional, and spill colour and yogurt on walls. But they’re still adorable. This is the kind of cuteness you can smile at even if your patience has run out.
3. You’ll Discover a Love that Makes No Sense, but Means Everything
Before I became a mother, I thought that I understood what love was. Romantic love. Love of friendship, Love for family.
What about this love? It’s different.
In the truest meaning of the word, it’s unconditional. You love them even when they scream. You love them even when they flush your phone down the toilet. You love them when they use your face to trampoline, even if you haven’t had a good night’s sleep in four days.
It’s a kind of love that is selfless and at the gut level. It’s just being. It connects you with your child in ways that you cannot even describe. Your pain becomes theirs. Their joy becomes yours.
It’s like nothing else on the planet.
4. The Messiness of Motherhood is Magical
It’s not just about changing diapers and wiping noses (although there is a lot of this). It’s the experience of watching a person grow and change in front of your very eyes.
You can see your baby’s eyes light up as they discover a beautiful butterfly. Hearing your toddler sing his or her first song. It’s when they draw their first stick figure, and then say, “Look at you!”
It is magical to watch your child grow into a person. To see them wonder, explore, learn, and question. The world is seen through new eyes. Even the most mundane moments become miracles.
5. The Meaning is Hidden in the Mundane
When you are folding tiny loads of laundry or scrubbing dried WeetBix from the high chair, it’s difficult to feel important. When you zoom out, these small acts gain weight.
You are shaping someone’s life.
Every hug, every lunch packed, every whisper of comfort in the middle of a nightmare, builds a foundation for security, love, and belonging. This is deeply meaningful.
You are not only a parent. You are raising the next generation. This is the type of work that can change the world.
6. It’s an Uncommon Privilege
Women would do anything, even sleepless nights, to have my experience. And I realize how fortunate I am. The hard times are still hard, but the gratitude makes them easier.
When I am holding my children, I often think of all the people who wish to have children. I think about my friends who have faced infertility or loss. Even the most chaotic and exhausting days can be savoured.
This is an honor. I never want to take this for granted.
7. You’ll Never be the Same and that’s a Good Thing
You are changed in all ways by motherhood. Your body. Your body. Your priorities. Your identity.
It can be scary to lose your dreams, your independence, or your “old self”. There’s also beauty in the person you become.
You develop a thicker skin and a softening of the heart. You will become more protective and patient, eventually, as well as able to multitask like a ninja. You learn resilience, empathy, and how to cope with toddler chaos and zero sleep.
You will become. Not less.
8. You’ll Be Exhausted, But Also Alive
Yes, I’m tired. I’m tired when I get up in the morning. I am tired when I go to sleep. I sometimes fantasize about sleeping for 48 hours in a quiet hotel room.
Even in exhaustion, there is a strange vitality. My days are filled. My days are full. With emotion. The purpose of life. Moments that matter.
The little hand reached out for mine. The “I love you” was whispered in my ear. The spontaneous dance parties that took place in the living room. Tiny notes in crayon left on my pillow. These moments are important. These moments are worth the fatigue.
9. The Joy is Real, and it’s Contagious
Children bring joy to your heart. Children laugh loudly. Find wonder in cardboard boxes, cardboard ants, and puddles. They are full of joy and have no cynicism.
You feel a shift when you are around such joy. You are pulled out of adult concerns and brought back to the important things. When your child pretends to be a dragon while wearing a laundry hamper on their head, it’s difficult to be grumpy.
Your joy is their joy. This joy will heal you in ways that you never knew you needed.
10. It Loves You Back
You may not always see it in the way that you would expect. They can show their love in sticky-fingered kisses or poorly timed tantrums. It’s still there.
When they wake you up in the middle of the night. When they draw a picture of you. When they treat you as if you were the sun, the moon, and the stars.
This love is real. It’s returned in small, priceless moments which make the chaos disappear.
It’s Hard. But it’s so Worth it
Mums don’t say that to minimize or sugarcoat the challenges. This role, though exhausting, thankless, and endless, is also one of the most rewarding we’ve done.
We say “It is so worth it” because:
- Our children have taught us a whole new way to love.
- The mundane has been transformed into magic.
- We have grown in ways that we could never imagine.
- Day by day, we get to see a new life being born.
- We have forever changed – for the better.
This is what I mean to my friend and anyone else who wants to know what motherhood truly feels like.
It’s hard. It’s worth it.
