If you’re a parent and have ever published anything on social media, chances are you’ve encountered the kind of very public judgement that makes you want to be anything BUT social. One mum is seeking to short-circuit that kind of shaming and outrage. She’s got a much better idea. Like, supporting one another’s choices!
Girlfriends, I got to get something off my chest.My house is never clean. Like ever. I have friends (with kids) whose…
You do YOU!
The mum in question is blogger and all ’round excellent writer Karen Johnson of The 21st-Century SAHM. Karen’s taken to Facebook to share her thoughts on what a good mum is, and it’s struck a chord with other parents across the globe.
Not only is Karen getting to the bottom of how to mum right, she’s getting to the bottom of the fact that there’s a diverse range of approaches when it comes to parenting – and parents should be free to choose the one/s that suit them best – and spared the judgey-eyes!
Here’s Karen’s thoughts on the whole mummy wars situation:
Girlfriends, I got to get something off my chest.
My house is never clean. Like ever. I have friends (with kids) whose houses are spotless. Are they better mothers than me? Nope. Am I a better mother than them? Nope.
I work out every day. I have mom friends who don’t exercise. (I mean other than running around like crazy people after their kids). Does that make either of us a better mom? Nope.
I have a friend who gave birth in a pool in her living room. I pushed mine out in a hospital bed after receiving a gift from the epidural fairy. Both of us are good moms.
I drink a beer or glass of wine (sometimes in front of my kids!) on occasion. I’m a good mom. My neighbor and good friend doesn’t drink. Also a good mom.
I’m a yeller. I have a good friend who is quiet and extremely patient. I envy her. But we are both good moms.
I have friends who are super organic, chemical free, and dye free. My kids sometimes eat popsicles for breakfast. The cheap kind that are 50 for $2.00. Are either of us better than the other? Nope.
I swear, but not in front of my kids. Are you a bad mom if you do? Hell no.
I’m involved with my kids’ school but I don’t volunteer and live there every day. Are the moms who volunteer daily any better than those who never do? No. Am I incredibly grateful for the moms who volunteer every day and help the teachers? YES.
Are stay-at-home moms better than working moms? NO.
Are working moms better than stay-at-home moms? NO.
Are married moms better than single moms? NO.
Are you a better mom if you take your kids on exotic vacations? NO.
Can you be a good mom if you the closest thing you get to a vacation is the park? YES.
Can you be a good mom and have a super scheduled summer with lots of planned activities? Yep.
What about if your summer is lazy with no plans? Yep.
Do good moms let their kids watch TV? Yes.
Play video games? Yes.
What about if you say no? Also fine. Your choice. You’re the mom. And a good one.
I’m a Christian. My friend and neighbor is Muslim. Another friend practices no religion at all. WE ARE ALL GOOD MOTHERS.
My other friend is gay. Her kids have TWO mothers. They are both good moms.
I breastfed. My kids barely had any formula. Am I better than moms who give their kids formula? NO.
So how about this? Can we all climb down off judgmental mountain for a second? And just support one another? And just say, Hey, motherhood is hard. You’re doing a good job. Raising kids can knock the wind out of a person. You got this.
How awesome would that be? Just a thought.
So. How's everyone's summer going? Here's an excerpt from mine so far, one that accurately depicts our day to day…
We feel you!
Once published, actual sighs of relief could be heard from readers across the globe. Then the floodgates opened, as other parents piped up and admitted that they a) feel like they don’t measure up to lofty standards spruiked online and/or b) were frankly, not perfect! Oh no! Some people were even c) doing my best, and that’s good enough! Go them.
The experiences they shared were heartening and at times, emotional:
“Sometimes feel like a complete failure cause I am such a young mom (2 kids before I was 22). But young or old we do our best. Go moms!”
“Same goes for fatherhood. Full time Single father of 5 , and crushing it!”
“Truth in every word and I’m tickled you had the guts to put it out there. Seems to me like you’re a wonderful mother.”
“Love this. I struggle with feeling like a failure at this mom thing because I compare myself to others.”
“I absolutely needed to read this right now. Im 9 months pregnant and feel like I’m failing as a mom and wife to my kids and hubby while im staring at full laundry baskets and a sink full of dishes. Thinking all I want is a nap……”
Perhaps these thoughts feel familiar to you and it’s heartening to know that others feel the same? Or perhaps you’re just thrilled that someone else feels the same way about cheap icy poles as you?!
Thanks Karen for bundling up the thoughts of so many and propelling them into the Facebook-osphere.
Are Karen’s words tuning into something the feels like relief and acceptance, for you?! Are there judgey eyes in your neck of the woods? What kind of parent are you?!