It’s your first week home with bub – here are 11 truths to live by

The hard work is over – you’ve had a baby. And now you can relax, right? Haha.

Not quite.

Because the first week with bub can be a whirlwind of exciting (and exhausting) experiences and memorable (and insanely messy) moments. You can expect blood, sweat and plenty of tears, as well as perfectly peaceful and beautifully blissful moments that you will wish could last forever.

So what’s in store for the first week after you bring baby home? Here are a few truths to live by:

1. Spew and poo will become a regular feature in your beautifully designed nursery

A new nursery always looks so much neater before there is a baby living in it. During that first week it’s not uncommon for the nursery room floor to contain half-opened presents that you haven’t had time to look at yet (or put away), dirty baby clothes and spew rags that you haven’t had a chance to wash and cold cups of half-finished tea that you attempted to drink while feeding bub, only to realise how ridiculously impossible that is.

2. You will start to hate the sound of the door bell

And it will feel perfectly acceptable to throw old newspapers at the postman when he loudly knocks on the door the moment you finally get bub to sleep somewhere other than in your arms.

3. You will think you’re doing everything wrong

But you’re not, trust me. You’re supposed to feel like you’re failing – it’s part of parenthood.

4. You will spend your down time feeling yourself up

Welcome to motherhood. Your new hobbies include massaging your breasts, rubbing lotion on your cracked nipples and attaching yourself to a breast pump.

5. Unwanted advice will pour in

Visitors: Please place your casseroles in the fridge. Leave your old-fashioned advice at the door.

6. Your acceptable state of dress will hit a new low

Sweatpants, a maternity bra and a spew rag over your shoulder is now the norm. 

7. You will realise just how much baby junk you’ve actually bought

And you will ironically go around placing bub in the bouncer and then the rocker, in the overpriced cradle and the super-snuggly newborn mat, before you realise that bub would much prefer just to sleep in your arms.

8. Your phone camera will get an intense workout

Because every single gesture that baby makes requires a photo. Or 55 of them.

9. You will discover obsessions you never knew you had

Such as the need to smell your baby every ten minutes. And to stare at him. And to check that he is, indeed, still breathing.

10. Your bed will never have felt so good

Even if it’s only for five minutes between feeds.

11. And, finally, you won’t be able to wipe that stupid loved-up grin off your face

Exhaustion, spew, adult nappies and all, you will be the happiest you’ve ever been.

Even if you look like crap.