Becoming a mum often means a big decision for every working woman – put your career on hold and be a stay-at-home mum or go back to work and juggle both. But what if you regret that decision? One stay-at-home mum’s confession will really hit home for some.
Like all choices we make or feel compelled to make, it’s easy to look at those who take a different path and wonder later if you should have done the same.
That’s exactly what happened to Megan Blandford, who bravely bares her soul about being a stay-at-home mum in Daily Life this week.
Megan says she never planned to be a stay-at-home mum, but her motherly instincts led to her putting her professional life on hold for six-and-a half-years.
“It was, in hindsight, the beginning of me sacrificing everything in order to make my family happy,” she writes.
“And while that’s normal and understandable, it’s also completely insane and unhealthy.”
Megan reveals there were times she locked the door to fight her urge to flee.
“It wasn’t all bad – I saw my children achieve every milestone, spent days at a time reading stories, cuddled them for hours when they were sick, and took them on outings to museums, parks and zoos,” she says.
“But overall, I remember feeling utterly lonely.”
She also reveals how angry she became at her husband, whose job and hobbies remained.
“Then he had things to do on the weekend – reasonable things like a well-earned sleep-in, mowing the lawn or helping a friend – but they were just more reasons for me to continue doing the same things I’d been doing all week. Alone, still,” she says.
That was until, Megan says, she “called time” and told her husband she needed to return to work.
“I have the space to say I’m not available at every moment of every day, I can duck out for lunch with a friend, and my kids greet me as if I’m someone, rather than a piece of the furniture that’s always there,” she says.
She says everyone’s experience is different but many stay-at-home mums would know the weight of expectation and reliance.
“Lots of us feel we lose ourselves to the demanding early years of parenting, emerging hesitantly, and a little dazed, at some indeterminate point in the future,” she writes.
“Each experience has elements that trigger personal challenges. For me, it’s time to recover from four years of trying to fall pregnant, one-and-a-half of painful pregnancies, another couple of mastitis-ridden feeding, depression on and off, and the one thing that binds all mums: soothing the souls of those who are so close they’re almost part of me.
“But they’re not me.”
Megan says though she was initially worried about how others might the react to her honesty about being a stay-at-home mum, she’s made the right decision for herself and her family.
“It’s difficult to share these thoughts. Will my children feel unloved knowing I didn’t love every minute of being with them?,” she writes.
“Will women who’d love to stay at home but have to work, be angry with me? I don’t know. But every choice has its pros and cons and you can’t imagine the toll of those cons until you’re living them.”
Another mum whose honesty took our breath away was Danielle Haines who shared a photo of herself holding her son three days after his birth beautifully portraying the real postpartum experience.
(via Daily Life)