“You are not allowed to shame another mum who’s doing her very best”

Rachel Hollis and baby

Blogger and mum-of-four Rachel Hollis was picking up a much-needed coffee when she overheard a conversation between two pregnant women. What one woman said made her hair stand on end. She took to Facebook to share her outrage.



You don't know her story, so please stop judging it!

Posted by Rachel Hollis on Tuesday, 14 March 2017

Maddening exchange

“I just saw something that in my tired state made me so mad,” Rachel begins, building up a completely warranted head of steam, explaining she was getting her caffeine fix at Starbucks when she witnessed the maddening exchange.

The two pregnant women did not previously know one another, but were all set to bond over their burgeoning bellies. That’s when things went awry.

“As I’m walking out, one of the pregnant women says to the other woman — she was just asking her questions about her baby — she’s like, ‘Oh, did you nurse?'”

“The woman was like, ‘Oh, you know, I did for a couple weeks, but I really struggled with my first baby.'”

And the other woman was like, ‘Huh. You didn’t breastfeed? Oh. Well, with this baby, you definitely need to, you really need to, work on that. This is your child’s health. I mean, you really couldn’t give it more than two weeks?'”

Shame rage

Rachel’s fury at this conversation was palpable. She could not believe her ears.

“I just watched a total stranger shame a total other stranger who is by the way like 10 months pregnant, in a freaking Starbucks.”

It seems Rachel kept her rage to herself, until she got to her car where she unleashed a passionate and sensible video blog about the mummy code.

“And so I’m just gonna take a quick moment to say: you are not allowed to tell anybody else how to live their life. How dare you?!

“Even if you believe it, even if you are passionate about it, you are not allowed to shame another mum who is likely doing her very best. You don’t know her story. You don’t know how hard it is.”

Judge not

She urged mums to think before they speak and put judgement aside, for the sake of us all.

“You don’t get to judge. Please. Please we are supposed to support each other and never more so than for another mum who is trying her best. As mums, oftentimes, we are beating ourselves up for fifty things. So when you come over the top, a stranger – or a sister or a best friend – and shame someone further. It only beats someone down into the dust.”

Rachel concluded simply, with the sort of compassionate approach we should apply to our fellow mamas.

“Please be kind. You don’t know her story. Your place is a fellow mum and a fellow woman is to love and encourage her where she is.”



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