New characters are introduced; old favourites return; and an entire community is wiped out – just another typical day in the world of Westeros. Here’s the parenting lessons we learned this week from the Starks, the Lannisters, the Tyrells and the Mormonts.
And, if you haven’t seen it yet, it’s best to click away – these spoilers will hound you for a long time.
Somewhere in the hills
You know something exciting is going to happen when there is a pre-scene before the opening credits and “Putting the Broken Man Back Together ” certainly didn’t disappoint as we come face to face with The Hound (hooray!).
Presumed dead, The Hound has taken up residence in a commune-type community where everyone works together, shares food and tells stories. I feel it is only fair to point out that I predicted Sandor Clegane’s return last week but our disbelieving editor chopped it out. (Editor’s note: I stand chastened. Clearly, just like Westley in The Princess Bride, he was only mostly dead, not all dead.)
Nonetheless, in typical Game of Thrones fashion, The Hound’s tranquil life is quickly shattered by the Brotherhood Without Banners who murder everyone before we even get a chance to know who they are. The Hound, clearly angered by this senseless murder, picks up his axe and transforms into John Bunyan, ready to avenge his new found family.
Parenting lesson # 1 – Don’t leave dangerous utensils laying around. It won’t end well.
Riverrun and Volantis
Moving on, Jamie and everyone’s favourite snarky sidekick, Bronn have arrived to take back Blackfish. It doesn’t quite go to plan.
The Greyjoy siblings (Yara and Theon) land in Volantis and are revelling in the obligatory brothel scene which Yara is clearly enjoying much more than her brother. Yara spends most of their scene drinking ale, bullying Theon into binge drinking and poking fun at her brother’s missing body parts.
Parenting lesson # 2 – Big sisters are always going to have the power to torment their little brothers.
Sansa, Jon Snow and Sir Davos are on a mission to recruit, which is looking pretty dire at this stage. The only highlight of their journey is meeting ten-year-old Lyanna Mormont. the queen of Bear Island who is clearly paving the way for Generation Z. With Lyanna in the North and Tommen guiding the South, it looks like it will be a battle of adolescent proportions.
Parenting lesson #3 – Raise your daughters to be strong and confident and they will grow up to rule the world (or at least 62 men).
Arya is starting to get her spunk back as she trades in her ugly Princess Leia hairdo for gold coins and seems to be finally leaving this tedious town. But, alas, she gets stabbed by the girl with no name and wanders the streets bleeding and wounded while everyone simply stares at her. So much for the kindness of strangers…
Parenting lesson # 4 – While it’s always important to teach your kids about stranger danger, sometimes a little help from a stranger could go a long way.
Meanwhile in King’s Landing, the creepy High Sparrow reminds Margaery about the importance of procreating with her adolescent husband and the two matriarchs of House Lannister and House Tyrell meet up to discuss how much they love their offspring and how they would do anything for them.
Margaery also shows her true colours as she sneaks a picture of a flower (the Tyrell symbol) into her grandmother’s hand, confirming what we already knew – Margaery’s religious transformation is all an act. Hopefully Olenna returns home to hang her granddaughter’s lovely picture on the fridge.
Parenting lesson # 5 – As a parent or grandparent, you will always be obliged to keep your child’s crappy artwork.
Check out all our Game of Thrones recaps as we blend the world of Westeros with the lessons all parents can live by. Because, contrary to popular belief, there is a lot more to GoT than sex and violence. You just need to read between the lines.