The time has finally come for the Battle of the Bastards and I am pretty sure all Game of Thrones fans are waving their Jon Snow/Stark flags loudly and proudly. So what happened; who reigned supreme; and just how many people died in what is being referred to as Bastardbowl?
If you haven’t watched it yet, then exit the arena ASAP. Because this is seriously the best episode ever. And I cannot be responsible for spoiling it for you.
But if you have and are wondering just what parenting lessons we can learn from the most exciting episode of the season, then let’s recap, shall we?
Westeros has always been a male-dominated world but this battle, more than any other, reverses the gender roles. As Daenerys teams up with Yara to take back Westeros and Sansa goes above and beyond to protect her house, this episode clearly gives us a general theme that we all need to remember – women know best.
Fire is clearly the name of the game over in Meereen as Daenerys proves once and for all that she is the greatest. When Daenerys teams up with her three dragons and her army, her enemies with the very heavy eyeliner really don’t stand a chance. The war of Meereen is over before it began and we can turn our attention to the real war over in Westeros.
Theon and Yara, recovered from their hangovers, arrive in Meereen with their plea and an offer of some ships. Hopefully the Greyjoys like fire. Because clearly, if you want to be mates with Daenerys, you’re going to have to.
Parenting lesson #1 – Don’t play with fire, unless you’re a Targaryen. Then you’re allowed.
Sansa, Jon Snow and their team of under-prepared misfits arrive in Winterfell to be greeted by Ramsay Bolton and his stupid smirk. Sansa swipes right back at her psychopathic husband with the chilling: “You’re going to die tomorrow. Sleep well.”
She then returns to camp to try and knock some sense into her brother, unsuccessfully it would seem, but we are sure she has something up her sleeve.
Parenting lesson # 2 – Listen to your sister. Seriously. Just do it.
In case anyone was not completely on board with complete and utter adoration for Jon Snow, the start of Bastardbowl will certainly sway you. After all, who doesn’t love a man on a horse with a little bit of scruff and a lot of love for his little brother?
While there didn’t appear to be any lambs, goats or direwolves around, Ramsay does find the perfect sacrifice to start off the battle – Run, Rickon, run. Maybe weave a little bit too.
And then… well, I am not really ready to discuss this part yet (but I did accidentally wake up my daughter while watching it).
Parenting lesson # 3 – Don’t watch scenes where children die while your children sleep in the next room.
BastardBowl was pretty much what we all expected – dirty men on horses with swords and a lot of mud, blood and pep talks fuelled by testosterone and revenge. This ensues for a full fifteen minutes (or, in parenting time, three episodes of Peppa Pig) before all seems lost for House Stark.
BastardBowl gets especially awesome when it literally turns into a bowl as the Ramsay men-in-shields circle in on Snow and the gang. All seems pretty hopeless until Sansa saves the day with the Knights of the Eyrie army (okay, maybe Little Finger deserves a little bit of praise here). Looks like the raven from episode seven delivered.
Parenting lesson # 4 – Always have a back up plan.
Ramsay retreats backs to his castle but that really does nothing for him as Wun Wun the Giant, even with 150 arrows in his body, breaks through the door. Jon lets his violent side show as he nearly kills Ramsay with his fists before letting him suffer in a cell.
In a very Hannibal Lecteresque scene, Ramsay meets his doom as Sansa finally gets the revenge she so rightly deserves. Death by dog clearly is a common theme in the North.
Parenting lesson #5 – Be responsible; feed your pets.
It’s taken several seasons but the Stark flag finally waves in Winterfell as the men are left to pick up the pieces, bury the dead and clean the Bolton smell from the castle.
Now, who is responsible for giving all of these men a nice warm bath? I’ll offer my services to Jon Snow…
We’ve only got one more episode in season six, Game of Thrones fans so make sure you stay tuned for our final recap next week. And check out our Game of Thrones portal if you are ever in need of a Jon Snow fix.
Tell us, what other series would you love to see recaps for?