Comedian and radio presenter, Em Rusciano, has revealed she’s miscarried a much-wanted third baby as she reached out to other mums for support and advice.
Content warning: This post discusses miscarriage.
The saddest news
A heartbroken Em wrote an emotional piece to share with her followers via her Facebook page, explaining she was in a terrible place and would be taking time away from work to process what has happened.
In her update, Em revealed she’d miscarried her baby at close to 13 week’s gestation. She described the rollercoaster of excitement on realising she was pregnant unexpectedly – and the heart-shattering agony of suddenly losing her little boy as she entered her second trimester.
The Melbourne-born mum and her husband Scott Barrow have been together for 18 years and the pair have two gorgeous daughters. Em’s never been shy about sharing the challenges of modern marriage and parenting, but this latest heart-to-heart with followers is particularly poignant and raw.
Our own hearts truly do go out to her.
About 10 weeks ago I got the most wondrous surprise. I found out I was pregnant. I was going to announce it this Monday…
“About 10 weeks ago I got the most wondrous surprise. I found out I was pregnant,” Em wrote in her update (see above).
“I was going to announce it this Monday as we’d hit 13 weeks, but instead I will be at home in the most exquisite pain I can possibly fathom. Yesterday I found out that my little boy, was lost to me.”
Em detailed her disbelief and sadness as she and Scotty came to terms with their terrible news.
“When my obstetrician told Scotty and I his words seemed foreign somehow. I’d only just seen my baby the week before on the ultra sound, kicking and waving. I’d heard his heart beat and began to imagine what type of person he’d become. What colour hair he’d have, I wondered if he’d be serious like his Dad or ridiculous like his Mother, or perhaps a little bit of both. But now, all I have is that one grainy black and white image, and the rest I will have to imagine.”
“On the edge of every emotion”
Em’s efforts to describe just how sad this is for her and her family will strike a chord with anyone who has faced the loss of someone they love and dealt with the grief that follows.
“I’m not sure I’m built to withstand this kind of heart break, I’m not sure any Mother is. We named him Ray, it was Scotty’s suggestion.” she wrote.
“Honestly I’m right on the edge of every emotion I possess, I’ve experienced loss before but somehow this feels more personal and acute… A lot of you know exactly what I’m going through, this kind of loss isn’t uncommon and yet it feels entirely unique to me. I think you all heroic for continuing on, I’ve been in the same pair of pyjamas since yesterday, crying a seemingly endless supply of tears and can’t imagine ever leaving my bedroom again.”
“I need to know how you got through it”
“What’s happened with Ray feels big and raw and something I need to honour and be in the middle of. I’m not going to avoid it or lock it away and power on as if nothing has happened, which I’m prone to doing. I have to get this right so that I can somehow feel whole again, or a version of that. I know that this will forever change me in small and big ways,” Em posted.
Em appealed to other mums to share their own experience of miscarriage or the loss of a child, admitting she doesn’t know how anyone could navigate such a painful time.
“To the Mothers who have gone through this kind of loss and found a way out of it, I’m in awe of you, I need to know how you got through it because I need to see some light under the door soon. To our little Ray, you were already so loved by your Mum and Dad and your big sisters. Such an unexpected and welcome surprise for us, I wish we had more time with you, I truly do.”
Approximately one in four pregnancies in Australia end in miscarriage. Em’s open-hearted share may help other families process their own pain and perhaps open up to those around them – and receive more support and understanding, too.
Em announced she’d be taking time away from her popular 2DayFM show to recover from this sad loss – as her employer also extended their sympathies via Facebook.
Our thoughts are with Em – and all women who have experienced the loss of a child – at this sad time.
If you’ve experienced a miscarriage, like Em, or the loss of a child, there is advice and support at hand. Get in touch with the people at SANDS as soon as you can. They can help you navigate this terrible time and help you better deal what you’re going through. Please don’t go it alone.
The SANDS helpline is available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year (including Christmas Day) by dialling 1300 072 637.