No one feels the pain of infertility more than someone who keeps getting asked when they’re having kids. Fed up Aussie blogger, Adele Barbaro, has now written a Facebook post telling people to zip it on the baby questions, and judging by the thousands of reactions, she’s not the only one to feel this way.
A tough road to motherhood
Australian blogger, Adele Barbaro from The Real Mumma, and her husband Paul struggled to fall pregnant with their first child, a son named Harvey (now two), and ended up turning to IVF to conceive. Fortunately they were successful and amazingly the couple also went on to have a daughter, Chloe (4 months). However, Adele hasn’t forgotten the emotional and financial roller coaster they went on to arrive at their two blessings, and has now reflected on the pain she suffered previously when continuously asked when she would be having kids.
A shared sentiment
Adele’s Facebook post has been shared almost 23,000 times with thousands of comments from others who agree that people need to butt out when it comes to asking couples about when they’re having children. It’s not hard to see why it’s struck such a chord, with the mum of two revealing just how difficult it is to silently struggle with fertility while also trying to keep a brave face.
-we are just enjoying being newly married-we have some travelling we want to do first-I'm just focusing on my career…
According to Adele, she resorted to making up excuses such as travelling, focusing on her career and enjoying her new marriage, to keep the baby questions at bay.
“They would tell me that I’m not going to be young forever or that my maternal clock was ticking. And believe me, I knew it. I just didn’t need to hear it from everyone else,” writes Adele in her post, who admits at one stage adoption was even considered given they’d been told they had a long road ahead of them.
“Trying to conceive isn’t easy unless you are a highly fertile 17 year old, that could fall pregnant just by talking about it. The odds of conception and retaining a pregnancy are actually pretty shit, topped off with the huge amount of people that are reproductively challenged with polycystic ovaries, endometriosis etc etc. And I was one of them,” she adds.
The gruelling IVF process
Fertility treatment is not to be taken lightly, just ask Adele.
“IVF sucks. It is the most time consuming, invasive, expensive and emotionally painful roller coaster I have been on. It actually broke me. You have so much invested in the process, financially and emotionally that it consumes your every thought,” the Real Mumma says.
Based on the reactions to her post, her feelings around the treatment are echoed by so many others who have also gone through IVF. For a lot of women IVF is a really tough path with no guarantee of a positive end result – even without having to answer a bunch of questions as to why there isn’t a bundle of joy in their family already.
“When you are having difficulty conceiving, it seems everyone around you is falling pregnant. It’s easy to be happy for them at first but that brave face wears thin after a while. I even started to decline going to certain get togethers and attending baby birthdays were just painful. I became quite bitter, desperate and depressed,” she added.
“My heart goes out to them”
Adele’s Facebook plea is not just about stopping couples from getting asked every two seconds when they’re having a baby, but it’s also a message of hope and understanding. It’s evident her story has made thousands of other couples feel better about their emotional pain and frustration, and proves that sometimes going through hell is worth it in the end – although it would be a LOT easier if others stopped sticking their noses in.
“Many couples will be trying for years. And some may never succeed and my heart goes out to them. And what about the couple that doesn’t want kids? Or the couple that had a child but can’t afford to have another? Or those that have lost little ones? Even though we went through IVF and had such a struggle to have our Harvey, soon after we were asked… ‘so when are you having number two’? And now that I have two wonderful children and I feel our family is pretty complete, the question still comes,” she laments.
Stop and think
Adele’s final word on the matter is simple – don’t ask.
“So, next time you go to say that ‘throw away’ comment to the newlyweds or the couple that have been together for ten years, be sensitive. Don’t ask them when they are having kids. You never know what’s going on.”
We love your honesty Adele and hope that more people will now stop and think before asking couples when they’re having babies.