A kid-friendly guide to being a bride

I was driving along a busy shopping street with my three-year-old daughter in the backseat when she suddenly shrieked “Stop Mum!”. I hit the brakes, not knowing what the problem was when she pointed out the window to a bridal shop and said “Look at that beautiful princess dress!” I found the whole thing both funny and odd – there hasn’t been any weddings amongst our family and friends for some time so my daughter hasn’t had any bridal exposure yet her ‘princess dress’ radar is highly receptive!

I will admit that there were nagging worries at the back of my mind when I bought How to Get Married by Me, the Bride, written by Sally Lloyd-Jones and Sue Heap. Was I buying into the whole ‘fairytale’ fantasy? Would my daughter’s main aim in life be to become a bride? There is certainly divided opinion amongst book reviewers about this picture book but my worries were quickly put aside two pages in. This very funny ‘how-to’ manual pokes fun at the bridal industry in a way that many parents will find hilarious and kids will find ‘informative’.

“When you want to get married, first you have to find someone you can marry… When you are choosing a Husband or a Wife, you have to be on your best behaviour. You can’t be mean. You have to nice.”

There’s a helpful list of spouses to avoid (including teachers because they’ll make you do homework instead of watching television and noisy, shouting people because they will give you a headache) and a simple guide to the proposal – “…give them a golden ring or your favourite toy or a bite of your biscuit. And that means you’re allowed to get married.”

Wedding guests should note that when the music starts “…everyone has to stop WHATEVER they’re doing and look at you” and wedding traditions are observed – “Now you throw a big bunch of flowers at people’s heads.” This book would be a particularly good gift for any bridezillas in your midst.

And for all the singles out there, according to the clever little bride in the book, “Basically, no one will marry you if: You wear old pyjamas and slippers in the middle of the day… You don’t EVER brush your hair and it looks like a bird’s nest back there.”

How to Get Married by Me, the Bride is available from Book Depository for $11.73. Book Depository deliver to Australia free-of-charge. Also by Sally Lloyd-Jones and Sue Heap is the equally funny How to be a Baby by Me, the Big Sister.

Katrina Whelen

Katrina studied planning and design, did the hard yards working in a big office building and then traded it all in for a relaxing (!) life at home with four children. She now fills her time with writing, completing a degree in genetics and taxiing her children around Melbourne to their various sporting commitments (not necessarily in that order).

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