My Toddler Keeps Getting Bitten at Daycare

You wouldn’t believe me if you told me one year ago that my son would be so attached to his daycare that he would cry when he wasn’t there. We are here. Even though he’s only two, my youngest has developed such a strong bond with the daycare that he sprints towards the front door whenever it’s time for him to leave. Third-child energy? Definitely. FOMO? Absolutely.

He keeps getting bitten.

It’s not just once or twice, but again and again. It’s beginning to wear on us both.

The Daycare Industry Leaves Its Mark: My Toddler Keeps Getting Bitten at Daycare

It was with some emotional turmoil that I enrolled my son, who is now the youngest of three children in daycare. He’s my only baby. It would be quieter in the house without him. It was time to move on. I had family and work commitments as well as the knowledge that toddlers thrive best in social settings. To my relief, he settled right in. He loved daycare, not just tolerated it.

It didn’t take much for the honeymoon to become bruised. Or, to be more precise, a bit mark.

First time, I was more upset than surprised. It’s my third kid, and I have no illusions that the daycare is always graceful and gentle. There will inevitably be bumps, scuffles, and tears. The daycare staff apologised. I was given an incident report and reassured about first aid. The parents of the child who bit me would also be informed.

I gave him all the cuddles, chalked up the day as a bad one, and hoped that it was a one-off.

It was not.

The Bites Keep Coming

Second time, I felt an anxiety pang. The third time, I began to question everything. What about the fourth time? The fourth?

The bites seemed worse each time. The marks got bigger, the bruises deeper, and I had a child who held his arm up at pick-up with wide-eyed eyes, as if to say, “Why is this happening again, Mum?”

He is always enthusiastic about going to daycare, but I worry that it will wear off. The physical pain could turn into emotional resistance. He’ll begin to see daycare as an unpleasant place. Or even worse, that he will start to bite back.

Why Toddlers Bite (Even Sweetest Treats)

Toddler bites are very common. This is especially true for children under three. It’s not uncommon, as frustrating as it may be for parents.

When I started digging into the why, I found that there are many reasons why toddlers bite:

• Teething: Those sore little gums are looking for something–anything–to bite down on.
• Curiosity: Some toddlers simply bite to see what happens.
• Frustration is A common cause of frustration, particularly during disputes about toys or attention.
• Excitation or overstimulation? Some children bite when they are excited.
• Fatigue, illness, or hunger: Biting is a common way for a toddler to cope with physical discomfort.
• Communication difficulties: Many toddlers are unable to express themselves with words and instead express themselves through actions.
• Feeling powerless or overwhelmed: A toddler may feel overlooked or forgotten in a busy environment.

Toddlers indeed bite, but it doesn’t make it any easier to watch when it happens to your children.

Understanding Triggers

My son was always bitten for the same reason: a fight over a toy, or something that another child owned. It’s not surprising. He’s well-versed in sibling politics at home, with his two older siblings.

While I understand the why, it does not ease the pain of seeing him hurt repeatedly. I ask the same question repeatedly: How can we reduce or prevent bites in a childcare setting?

Are Carers Doing Their Job?

The staff at the daycare have always been polite and have apologised for their mistakes. They are doing the best they can with their policy. The constant bites made me wonder: What exactly was policy? Does this repeated behaviour have a strategy to address it?

The National Childcare Accreditation Council has recommended protocols and steps that are followed by most childcare centres when dealing with bite incidents.

• Separate children immediately if a bite incident occurs.
• Assure the child who is bitten, and administer first aid.
• Use simple, firm language to tell the child who has bitten him or her.
• Inform both sets of parents, and provide written reports.
• Discuss with the parents of a child who bites to determine possible triggers at home and strategies.
• Observe patterns in biting behaviour (e.g. the time of day and the toys or activities that are involved.
• Modify your environment as needed (remove certain toys, change routines, reduce crowding).
• Teach emotional control skills by using stories and play.
• Teach children self-protection skills, such as moving away from aggressive children or asking for help from adults.

My son’s caregivers have always been very good at keeping me informed. They follow the majority of these steps and are always willing to help. (Except for one time, when a change in staff occurred midday). Even good policies may not be enough when the problem persists.

What I Do About It

I don’t want to take him away from the centre. He loves it despite everything. I’ve watched him thrive with the social interactions, the activities and the caring educators. It doesn’t mean that I will sit back and wait for the next incident.

What am I doing right now?

1. How to Have Honest Conversations With Staff

I have started asking more detailed questions when picking up the child. I’ve started asking more specific questions at pick-up time. I’ve asked questions like:

• Do you think that he is being targeted, or are the attacks random?
• Are there certain times of the day that he is more likely to be bitten?
• What are you doing to reduce the frequency?

Sometimes, just letting people know that you are closely monitoring the situation will help them be more vigilant.

2. Requesting additional Observation

Most centres allow staff to observe a child’s behaviour if a parent requests it. I asked them to pay more attention during times of high problem and to keep a behaviour diary for a brief period. This can help identify patterns and isolate possible triggers.

3. Teach My Son Emotional Vocabulary at Home

Although he is still a little boy, I have been teaching him simple phrases such as:

• “No, that’s mine.”
• Stop, I don’t want that.
• “Help, please.”

Giving toddlers words to use can help reduce the need for them to react physically.

4. Encourage Self-Protection without Fear

I don’t want my child to learn to be aggressive. But I also want him to understand that it’s okay for him to get away, to say “no” and to ask an adult if something feels wrong. It’s not tattling, it’s him protecting himself.

Staying the course (With fingers crossed)

I am choosing to remain at my current centre. Communication is open. Staff are respectful and engaged. The staff are engaged and respectful.

That doesn’t necessarily mean that I am not watching closely. I will continue to check in, have conversations, and gently hold the daycare responsible for doing everything they can — not just for me, but for all the little ones in the room. Because toddlers can’t self-advocate. It’s our responsibility.

Why you should consider moving your centre

Here are some red flags you should look out for if you’re in the same situation and wondering if it’s time to switch daycares:

• Lacking communication surrounding bite incidents
• A lack of clear policy or a repeated failure to adhere to it
• Rejecting attitudes by staff or leaders
• Biting patterns that persist without any visible action
• Signs that your child is anxious about daycare

Your gut instinct may be correct in those situations. It might be time to make a change.

The Final Word: It Will Pass

The toddler years are a wonderful mess of emotions. They’re full of milestones, mischief and meltdowns. The toddler years are filled with challenges, including biting. It’s hard to see your child hurt, but try to remember that the phase will pass.

Even a difficult situation like this one can be successfully navigated with the right communication, support and strategies.

For now, I will continue to kiss his little arms and tuck him in, hoping that tomorrow is a bite-free one.