Love Language of Children

It’s like juggling spinning colourful plates. It is delightful, challenging, and sometimes overwhelming. The majority of the time, I feel as if my life is being pulled in many directions: helping with homework and sibling conflicts, cleaning up another acoustic version of “Let It Go”, negotiating sibling arguments, and praying that no one else needs food in the next 5 minutes.

The other night, in the midst of this beautiful chaos, a tender, quiet moment occurred. I was reading a book with my nine-year-old daughter before she went to bed. I was reading a book with my nine-year-old daughter. The soft light and her breathing settled in.

The love language comes from Gary Chapman. He noticed that people show and receive affection using five different ways.

1. Words of affirmation
2. Quality time
3. Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch 

How do our children express their love? As a mom, I noticed that I could see this in the way they expressed affection to me, each other, and even their school friends. I noticed that each daughter seemed to favour one language over the other, and began to celebrate their uniqueness by turning everyday moments into celebrations.

Let me take you through the love languages for children over the next 1,000 words. Sprinkled with stories from my four daughters, these thirty seconds of inspiration might give you a hint as to which “language” is most important to your child.

1. Words of Affirmation: Love Language of Children

Your child may be using words that affirm to express their love.

My daughter is motivated by words like “I am proud of you”, “You did it all on your own”, and “You are a great person!” She weaves these verbal gold star phrases into her self-esteem and wears them as badges of pride. She glows when I compliment her work, encourage her before a performance or praise her grammar corrections.

How To Nurture It:

• Praise specific achievements: “You remembered to bring your backpack and homework. Well done!”
• Encourage your effort: “You persevered even though it was difficult; you are amazing.”
• Show your appreciation by saying: “I appreciate how you include your sister in the games. It shows kindness.”

Validation is a key element for children who speak this language. Your words act as gentle anchors that hold them in place.

2. Quality time

My third child is a certified seeker of quality time. She is happiest if we have time to chat, bake, talk, read or just stretch out side-by-side. She doesn’t mind the yells from her sisters, but she does care about losing those quiet moments with me.

Quality time ideas:

• Create a slot for “Just Us”. On weekdays it should be 10 minutes, and on weekends an hour.
• Shared routines can be as simple as a “Mom-and-Daughter walk” on Saturday.
• Stop what you are doing and connect, respond and be present when she tells a story.

Not all kids need us 24/7, but when they do, they require it.

3. Receiving gifts

A child who loves to give gifts might appear materialistic, but kids with this wiring are usually looking for the emotional impact of the gift.

One of my daughters loves to make little gifts: friendship bracelets. painted pebbles. mini flowers. She gives me tokens from the heart. When I give her a meaningful gift, even if it’s just a daisy that she picked herself, the joy in her eyes is evident.

How do I support this language?

• Keep small treasures handy: colourful stickers and fresh flowers.
• Encourage her creativity by using notes or drawings.
• Thank you for remembering to bring me my favourite fruit. It means so much.

Material gestures are a way to externalise feelings of affection.

4. Acts of Service

Some children prefer to express themselves through actions rather than words. There is nothing more “I love” than someone helping you with a task.

My oldest daughter thrives on acts of service. She doesn’t care if I give her a neatly folded load of laundry or a pencil box, but I love to do it for her. It’s like a code to her that says, “I am paying attention.” I care.”

How to communicate with actions:

• Prepare her favourite snack or surprise her by cleaning her room.
• Offer to organise her art materials or help choose outfits for special occasions.
• You can ask her to help you or do something small for her: “I will stir the soup, while you set up the table.”

Seen that smile of contentment? Her heart is saying, “I am seen.” I’m valued.”

5. Physical Touch

Our daughter loves to cuddle in the evening. She puts her head on mine or presses herself into me while we read. Even when no words are needed, sharing warmth makes the day complete.

She speaks in physical touch: cuddles, gentle pats and hugs. She does not need lavish affection, just a sense of our presence.

Ideas to give your home a cozy and loving touch:

• A hug or a hand-hold can help her relax before bedtime.
• Snuggle during car rides or movie time.
• Playground together: Sit on a bench with your child after you have played in the sandbox or swings.

For her, these moments are a way of saying “You’re here.” You’re mine. You’re mine.

Learn Their Language

When we consider each of the love languages, it is important to remember that a child may speak more than one. You can build a map of their inner world by tuning into their love language.

Look for clues:

• They ask for a big hug, give gifts or share their heartfelt words.
• Does it light up after 5 minutes of being together?
• Or, smile when they are treated with kindness?

Notice what they give every day. It’s often a mirror image of what needs to be done.

Why It Matters in the Long-Term

It’s more than just emotional babysitting to understand and speak your child’s language of love. It shapes their emotional landscape.

• Emotional Security. When people feel loved in their way, it strengthens their resilience.
• Deeper connections: Your relationship with them is becoming stronger.
• A healthy self-esteem: They think they are lovable and worthy of love.
• Future Empathy: Students learn to respect the feelings of others and develop emotional intelligence.

What Happens When They Grow Up?

This concept applies to children beyond the toddler and tween age range.

• Before a big match, a teenager who is prone to praise may blossom with positive affirmations.
• A second desire for time alone might be to have lunch with a friend at school.
• What if it were a child who made the flower ring for you? Every thoughtful act will be remembered by them as adults.

They feel heard when you speak the language they use.

Practical Tips for Busy Families

It’s not necessary to memorise the 10 steps of parenting. Small gestures are important, even amid school runs, siblings and work.

• Each day, say 10 affirmations after eating cereal.
• Spend 5 minutes with your child either after school or right before bedtime.
• A small gift — a heart sticker or a flower picked from the garden.
• One Act of Service — bag ready for tomorrow and favourite pyjamas folded.
• Extra cuddle time–after group play, before bedtime.

This isn’t work, it’s love.

Love in Everyday Moments

I’d like to share some vignettes of our daily life.

1. Words Of Affirmation “You learned the multiplication table so quickly–I’m impressed!” (That girl beams for many hours)
2. Quality time: A daughter whispers to her mother, “Build with me?” After a few blocks, she turns around and says, “This part of the day is my favourite.”
3. Receiving gifts, A tiny lily was given to me as a surprise by our daughter, who made it especially for me. I kept it in the jar for a week.
4. Acts Of Service One afternoon, I cleaned out her backpack, organised her papers and stacked her books neatly. She hugged and whispered, “Thanks, Mummy”, before going to do her homework.
5. Physical touch. She climbs into bed to hug her before bedtime. As we hold hands, my day is lifted.

What to do if you miss the mark

You will. We all do. Will You Notice? And then Repair?

• We missed. “Mum was busy with emails and forgot to build blocks together. Could we do it tonight?”
• May I try again? “I know I gave you a sticker, but I need you.” Let’s have tea together and talk.
• Try again every day. If you are tired or forgetful of your emotions, small actions like five kind words and two two-minute connections can reset your emotional register.

  

Love languages are not grandiose, but incremental. Daily.

Final Word

Parenting doesn’t require perfection. Presence is key. It’s about presence.

You, mama or papa, who are caught between picking up your child from school and reading bedtime stories, don’t undervalue this. You’re creating more than just fond memories when you whisper “Great Job!” or glow for five minutes together. You’re also building trust, identity and unconditional love.

You love your child, but you also know that they love themselves. This is more than any other gift.