I’ve Already Had Four Babies, but I’m Pining for a Fifth – Am I Crazy?
You can call me crazy, but something is intoxicating about newborns. The tiny bundle of life, soft sighs, and the smell of the new skin are all intoxicating. If I could, I would have babies forever.
Here I am, the mother of four beautiful kids. Four. By any standard, that’s a lot. The majority of people, and certainly my husband, would tell me that 4 is enough. Our house is overflowing, our routines are stretched to the limit, and we find our patience being tested every day. Managing so many children is exhausting. It’s a daily mountain to climb, both emotionally and logistically.
Why do I still want a baby?
The Playground Encounter
I was on the playground at my local park with four of my kids, who were running like tornadoes. I saw a woman with a baby girl who was just a few days old. She was wrapped in the most adorable frilly top, tiny nappy bottoms, and her hair, still soft and curly, from the womb. Her grunty newborn noises were irresistible.
I just stopped and stared. My breath caught, and I felt a rush of emotions like a tsunami: nostalgia, longing, a longing for the freshness that I hadn’t experienced in years. I swooned, picturing how it would feel to have another child, to feel the warmth of my chest once again.
All those reasons that I had clung onto to justify my “doneness” with children suddenly seemed less convincing.
Am I Crazy for Wanting Another Baby?
After having four children, is it insane to want another one? According to many people, yes. Many people think it’s “too much”, “impractical”, “exhausting,” and “just plain not sensible”. But parenting isn’t just about logic, isn’t it? It’s hard to explain the deep emotional, physical, and even spiritual pull towards having children.
I asked myself this question honestly: Am I being irrational or not? Should I accept that my days as a baby are over? My husband agrees. He reminds me of how busy our lives are and how much we have to juggle each day. He worries about our capacity–physically, financially, emotionally.
I still imagine cradling another tiny baby, despite everything.
Why Shouldn’t I Have Another Baby?
There are many reasons to stop at four children. Here’s something I keep reminding myself:
1. Four is Enough
Four kids make a full home. It’s a tight fit, but we manage to live all six of us in the same townhouse – four kids and two adults. There are toys, clothes, bags of school supplies, and other clutter everywhere. Our space and resources are at their absolute limit.
The addition of another child would result in more sleepless nights, mess, juggling, and stress. We would be stretched to the limit. While love is infinite, there are practical limits.
2. We are Already Stretched to the Limit
It is a constant balancing act to manage four children. With school runs, meals, doctor’s appointments, homework, and sports practices, I feel as if I am constantly running out of energy. Sometimes I question whether I am giving each child enough time and attention.
A second baby would result in less sleep, time, and patience. Another baby would mean more care and more demands on your time.
3. Children Are Expensive
Babies are adorable, but they come at a cost. The costs of diapers, formula, and childcare fees can quickly add up.
The expenses continue as the children grow older, from babies to toddlers and school-age kids. The cost of parenting is a result of school fees, extracurricular activities, and birthday parties.
It would be difficult to add another child at this time.
4. Babies Grow Up, and Parenting Gets Harder
I love the newborn sweetness and cuddling of a baby. But eventually, babies grow up to become toddlers, children, and teenagers. Parenting older children brings with it a new set of challenges, including arguments, mood swings, and homework struggles.
Raising children is not an easy task. It gets more difficult with each passing year. While the newborn stage may be beautiful, it is also a long and demanding road.
5. My Existing Children Need Me
My kids need my full attention and quality time. This is one of the most important things I have learned. To become a confident and secure adult, each child requires love, patience, emotional support, and a lot of attention.
It is difficult enough to divide my attention among four children. It might be difficult to provide each child with what they need if you have a newborn.
I worry if I had another child, if I would be able to be the mother they deserve.
6. Health Risks of ‘Advanced Motherhood’
Realistically, having a child after the age of 35 carries additional health risks. I am now what doctors refer to as “advanced maternal age,” meaning that pregnancy and childbirth are more likely to be complicated.
I’ve been lucky so far. But the thought of taking on those risks and putting a baby at risk as well makes me hesitate.
But then there’s that Newborn… That Magical, Irresistible Newborn
Emotions pull me forward, despite my logic. The moment I saw the babies at play reminded me of why they are so captivating.
Enjoying the Joy of Growing Babies
The thrill of a positive pregnancy test and the wonderment of feeling my baby growing inside me were all wonderful experiences. Each kick and movement was a constant reminder that I had created something amazing.
The pregnancy, with its challenges and discomforts, was filled with anticipation and hope. I treasured those moments when my unborn baby was in my arms and I knew that we would soon meet.
Newborn Magic
The magic of newborns is unmatched. Newborns have an ethereal, fragile quality. It’s as if they have been waiting for your arrival forever.
It is always a wonder to see and feel them curling up in a womb-like position on your chest with all their tiny fingers and little toes.
Holding a baby is incredibly healing and grounding. It touches your soul.
Baby Clothes: The Cutest Clothes Ever
Who doesn’t like baby clothes? It’s almost like dressing a doll. This simple joy never gets old.
The soft fabrics, the cute prints, and the tiny buttons make dressing a baby an art.
Family Love and Connection
A new baby does not just affect parents; it changes the entire family. My older children would love to have a sibling of their own to care for and love. I can imagine them being excited and gentle. They could even help with the diapers.
A new baby will bring us all a new wave of love, bonding, and memories.
Sometimes, it Doesn’t Need to Make Sense
Rarely does parenting fail.
Not all decisions have to be logical and practical. Sometimes, it’s all about love. It can be a pure desire to bring a child into the world.
Maybe it’s not necessary to have a warm, safe home for the baby, as long as he is loved and cared for.
Many women share this desire for the smooth skin of a newborn and the magic of motherhood in its early stages, even if their lives are already full.
How Do You Know When You’re Done?
There is no universal solution. Some people feel that one child is sufficient. Others feel that ten children or more is the right number.
Parenting is a deeply personal experience. It’s influenced by physical, mental, emotional, and financial capacities as well as dreams and desires.
It’s still something I am figuring out. It’s a strong and persistent desire, but it is also accompanied by a reality check.
I want to honor my two sides: the practical mom who runs our family and the dreamer, who is insatiable for new life.
So, Am I Crazy?
Maybe.
Maybe I’m only human.
It’s not madness to want a baby after four children. It’s love, hope, and the timeless magic that is motherhood.
It’s okay to want something more, even if it doesn’t seem right.
How About You?
Do you secretly wish for a second child? You may have been there and felt the tug on your heart. Have you made peace with that decision?
Your stories are fascinating. No matter where we are, these emotions connect us on a human level.
