How to Stop Sibling Bullying

The Hidden Toll of Sibling Bullying and What Parents Can Do

Australia invests heavily in anti-bullying campaigns – classroom workshops, playground monitors, and picture book-level education. What if your living room brother or sister is the bully? Recent UK research of more than 6,000 children shows that bullying is far more common and damaging than most parents think.

“Sibling Bullying” is more than harmless teasing and squabbling. It’s a pattern of repeated, targeted aggression where one brother or sister uses physical force, emotional insults, exclusion from social activities, or property damage to dominate the other. Just like peer bullying, it’s all about the power and control dynamics. Victims can suffer in silence if they cannot escape.

Explore its causes, effects, and most importantly, what you can do to help.

1. What is Considered Bullying Between Siblings, and How Widespread is it?

Definition
Researchers define sibling bullying as repeated aggression between siblings with a clear imbalance of power. This can be done physically (hitting, pushing), mentally (insults, name-calling), socially (exclusions, spreading rumours), or even through property (stealing and breaking belongings).

Prevalence
In a major UK long-term study:

• Over 228% of 12-year-olds have reported that they are involved in bullying their siblings, either as a victim or perpetrator (reddit.com).
• According to data from the Avon cohort and other studies of a similar nature, 30-40% of early adolescents experience victimization at least once a month, and 16-20% do so several times per week (cambridge.org).

Sibling bullying is not stopped by the school bell. It continues at home, without safe zones.

2. Who is at Risk and Why?

Sibling bullying depends less on family income and parental education and more on factors like age, gender, and size.

Risk factors include:

• Older brothers (especially the first-born) are more likely to be bullies of younger brothers 
• More competition in larger families.
• Financial Stress affects children when parents are anxious.
• A sibling who displays antisocial behavior is often predicted to become the bully. Homes with a single parent or parents with low education do not significantly increase risk.

3. What Makes Sibling Bullying so Damaging?

Bullying is not the same as sibling teasing. It can be systemic or deliberate. It causes pain, helplessness, and mistrust.

• There is no escape. Children share a room, eat together, and ride in the car home.
• Takes sanctuary away: home is no longer a haven.
• Cumulative Trauma: repeated peer bullying + sibling bullying doubles the emotional impact (pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov).

4. Mental Health: The Long-Term Impact

Bullying between siblings is not just a childhood problem. It can have serious long-term effects.

Anxiety, Depression, and Self-harm

The study tracked 7,000 children from 12 to 18 years of age.

• Victims were twice as likely to develop clinical depression (OOR 2.16 (pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov).
• They had 2.5x higher odds of self-harm (OR 2.56) (pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov).
• Anxiety risk also increased OR 1.833) (pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov).
• The links remained even after accounting for bullying by peers, parental conflict, or early maltreatment.

Cumulative Effects

The children who were bullied at school or by their siblings:

• Double the risk of depression and suicidal thoughts in young adulthood, pmcv, ncbi. nlm.uk).
• Nearly tripled odds of suicide risk and self-harm (pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov).

There’s no place to run when trauma strikes on both sides.

5. Bullies Aren’t One-dimensional

Sibling bullies, contrary to stereotypes, are not broken children. They often have better social skills that allow them to manipulate and adapt effectively in the family dynamics.

These kids are at risk of serious harm.

• Highest risk for depression, anxiety, self-harm, and suicidal ideation (pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov).

This interaction shows that it is important to address roles holistically and not assume bullies are emotionally immune.

6. Favoritism Makes it Worse

Parental favouritism can creatively–albeit destructively–intensify sibling conflict:

• Researchers found that golden child vs. scapegoat dynamics can drive rivalry to toxic extremes.
• Narcissistic parenting can lead to narcissism and identity issues in one child, while causing emotional problems or problems with the other.

Parents must guard their attention and avoid valuing one child over another–empathically allocating quality time, interest, and respect to both.

7. Why Does it Escalate? A Root-Cause Diagnosis

IOnthe average, bullying begins at age 8.

This is often the case when:

• The attention of parents is spread over multiple children
• Tension in the household is high.
• Older children may feel entitled to and assert their dominance by taking resources or attention.
• Reactive discipline for parents inadvertently models aggressive behavior ( healio.com).

It’s not bad kids that are the problem, but rather the dynamics.

8. Bullying is Not the Same as “Just Sibling Rivalry.”

Parents often dismiss teasing and roughhousing, saying that “kids are kids.” However, when the behavior is repeated or deliberate and causes a child to feel unsafe, this is not just rivalry, but abuse.

Sibling bullying is often overlooked by professionals, but its effects can be as severe as trauma, PTSD, or abuse sustained over a long period.

9. What Parents Can Do To Stop Bullying of Their Children

You can recognize the signs by:

• One-sided, frequent aggression towards a sibling who is defenseless
• Fear and avoidance of one child
• Emotional Wounds – Nightmares and tears.
• Property or physical harm

Act quickly:

1. Do not ignore bullying.
2. Implement rules: “Noname-callingg or hitting.” Define clearly the likelihood of a conflict and its danger.
3. Listening to children one-on-one — speak with each child in private.
4. Teach Empathy: Ask the bully what they would feel if their roles were reversed.
5. Mentally Coach Coping: Teach victims how to respond calmly, assertively, and with confidence.
6. Behave respectfully–avoid shouting or being hostile in your responses.
7. Change the environment – more adult monitoring, changing room assignments, communal areas.
8. Limit time unsupervised in places where bullying thrives.

When to Seek Assistance:

• The child displays sadness, helplessness, or anxiety
• The symptoms persist, and new emotional, social,  or physical issues arise
• Suspicious thoughts or long-term harm

Child psychologists and family therapists are professionals who can help break the toxic cycle, especially bully-victim patterns.

10. Long-Term Healing and Prevention

Parents can help heal wounds in siblings.

• Build sibling trust by sharing positive experiences with your siblings and playing together.
• Facilitate family cooperative tasks.
• Remind of equal recognition — not prizes or favoritism.
• Correct power-based banter immediately.
• As your children age, continue to check in regularly.

Consistency matters over time.

11. What Matters is the Family Structure

Consider carefully expanding your family. Adding a child, a half-sibling, or a step-sibling can:

• Increase competition for attention
• Make vacuum cleaners that older children can fill
• Form a system that is more stressful and has more unmonitored interactions

Consider how the dynamics could change if friction is already present.

12. Create a positive climate between siblings

Focus on a world where children support one another —-NOT tolerating each other’s toxic behavior.

• Do not celebrate achievement, but rather cooperation.
• They assign chores that they can do.
• Rotate the privileges and responsibilities.
• Spend time with each child one-on-one.
• Encourage them to share their frustrations and dreams.
• Talk early about your feelings of unfairness or jealousy.

Conclusion

Parents’ guidance can make or break a sibling relationship. Bullying between siblings destroys homes when victims are unable to escape.

Families can turn sibling dynamics from sources of anguish to sources of love by recognizing them as what they are. They can intervene effectively, model healthy conflict, and celebrate cooperation.

Take action immediately if you suspect bullying between siblings in your family. Do not let the problem go unaddressed. This is not rivalry; it’s an emotional injury that can last for a lifetime.