Managing Your Child’s Anxiety
Children can act in ways that are not cute. Even the calmest parents can become frustrated and exhausted by a child’s behaviour. This is for a reason. When the burden of emotional distress becomes too great, children will share it with their parents. In this article, we will help you how to manage your child’s anxiety and give you some tips on how to deal with these challenges.
Children were not meant to be carrying heavy emotional loads. We can help children with their emotional burden by supporting them when they show big feelings or behave in a way that is out of character.
Anxiety will happen at different times in your life. Anxiety is a good thing because it can help you recognise dangers and react to them. It also motivates you to complete tasks. It is beneficial to experience anxiety when driving through a snowstorm, as it can lead to altered driving behaviour to arrive safely at your destination. Some people or children, however, can experience anxiety that is excessive, continuous, and overwhelming. This can lead to significant difficulties in everyday life. These are all signs of anxiety disorder.
What causes anxiety in children?
Childhood is a time of anxiety and fear. Fear is an instinctive reaction to danger. Anxiety is the result of a potential threat. Fears and anxieties are often short-lived, and they show that children are learning how to solve problems independently. Parents and caregivers can help children understand and overcome fears and anxiety.
One in five children will experience what doctors call anxiety disorders. Children with anxiety disorders are different from those who suffer from normal anxiety or fear because they have more extreme avoidance or emotional reactions, or they last longer than anticipated. Children with anxiety disorders are prone to emotional outbursts, such as crying or tantrums. A lot of avoidance may be displayed. They may try to run away, hide or be on the lookout for any danger. Kids can also have physical symptoms like nausea, vomiting or shortness of breath.
What types of anxiety do children experience?
There are several different types of anxiety that children can experience:
Anxiety disorder
Generalized anxiety refers to excessive fear and worry about many different events that occur in everyday life. You may find that your child worries more about the future than other children of their age. Although they may worry about many things, or their worries may change with time, they are always worried.

Panic disorder
Children who suffer from panic disorder experience extreme anxiety and fear, along with physical symptoms such as dizziness ( palpitations ) or feeling like they cannot breathe ( Dyspnea). The panic attacks may occur without warning, and they tend to disappear within a few minutes or hours.
Severe separation anxiety disorder
Separation Anxiety Disorder is a common and normal phase in early childhood development. It begins for most children between 8-12 months of age. Normal separation anxiety can cause your child to fear strangers or feel unsafe when you are not present. Separation disorder can last beyond the normal developmental stage. Children may worry about their parents or other relatives, have trouble going to school, being away from family or home in general or have difficulty separating themselves for sleep. Talk to your child’s doctor if your child is more distressed or anxious about separations than most kids of the same age. If you are not seeing improvements, or you have any concerns, then talk to your child’s physician.
Disorder of social anxiety
An intense fear of being rejected or judged in social situations. Your child may avoid performing or speaking in public. They may be so uncomfortable they avoid social situations at school, or in other familiar places. Some people may avoid social situations entirely.
Specific Phobias
Fear is a protective mechanism, and so it’s normal for children to be afraid of certain things. You may find that your child is afraid of something specific, such as thunderstorms, clowns, or anything else. Specific phobias, however, are fears that are excessive and out of proportion to the danger.

Big behaviour is a sign of a need.
Children express themselves through their behaviour, and there is always a reason behind every big behaviour. Safety, connection, food, power, influence or the space to do what they want might be the need. All of us have these needs, but kids are still learning how to satisfy them in a way that isn’t disruptive. Their distress is often the only way that children can tell us when they need help.
A distressed nervous system is characterized by big feelings and big behaviour that results from them. Imagine a building on fire. Smoke is the behaviour. The fire is an over-stimulated nervous system. The temptation is to react to the smoke, but this ignores the fire. The behaviour and feelings they are experiencing at that time are a signal to us to help them find their way back home to calm down.
How can we help?
The strongest language for a nervous system is the language of another nervous system. They will not only catch our distress but also our calm.
This is not the way to go. Co-regulating with children is the only way to teach them how to self-regulate.
It’s not something you can learn. This is something that must be experienced repeatedly. Driving a car or playing the piano are examples of things that can be improved by doing them repeatedly.
The same is true for self-regulation. Children need to be calmed by an adult repeatedly before they can develop the necessary pathways in their brain.
How to deal with your child’s anxiety at home
There are many ways you can help your child if they show signs of anxiety.
- Encourage your child to tell you when they are feeling overwhelmed. It may be helpful to explain that everyone gets worried or scared at times.
- Support your child by slowly introducing them to the things that cause anxiety. Start with small trips to local shops if your child gets anxious in busy shopping centres. Gradually increase the distance until you reach a shopping centre at a time when it is quiet.
- Plan a strategy to help your child deal with anxiety. This could include breathing techniques or soothing phrases.
- When your child does something they would rather avoid, praise them.
- Take time to enjoy yourself and take your mind off of negative emotions.
- Encourage your child to have a healthy lifestyle, including plenty of sleep, regular exercise outdoors, nutritious food and minimal screen-time.
- Avoid allowing your child to avoid situations that cause them anxiety. Avoidance is a habit that can be hard to break.

The circuit breaker is our self-regulation.
This involves guiding the nervous system with gentle, tender hands and a steady mind. Here, our self-regulation is crucial.
Every moment of the day, our nervous systems communicate with each other. We will feel the distress of our children when they are in pain. This creates a cycle. We feel their feelings, and they feel ours. The circuit breaker is our ability to self-regulate.
It can be so hard, but you can take micro-breaks. We can use a few deep, steady breaths to calm our nervous system and then calm the other person. Breathe and be present. It is so simple but can be difficult to achieve some days.
Once they are calm again, have the transformational conversation: “What happened?” “What can we do to make it easier for next time?” “Things right now are in a mess.” What can you do to make things better? You are such a wonderful kid. I’m sure you will have some great ideas on how to accomplish this. Do you need my help?”
Experience matters more than perfection.
We must also be radical with ourselves. To soothe another’s heart, it takes a steady and calm heart. But being that steady heart is not always easy.
We will feel the rawness of parenting on some of these days. We will say things that we shouldn’t and do things that we shouldn’t. We’re human. We’re human. Let’s stop pretending to be perfect and putting pressure on our kids. Let’s instead repair the fractures as quickly as possible, and bathe our children in the love and warmth of us.
Consistency and honesty are more important than perfection.