How To Keep Your Relationship Strong After Having Children
Becoming parents is one of the most profound transformations a couple can go through. The joy of raising children often becomes the core of your daily life, and rightly so. But amid tantrums, sleepless nights, school pickups, and endless laundry, the one relationship that started it all, yours, can begin to fade into the background. It’s not because you don’t love each other, but because your time, energy, and attention are now pulled in a hundred different directions. So, how to keep your relationship strong after having children? That question matters more than many couples realise, and answering it requires intention, communication, and daily effort to stay connected amid the chaos of parenting.
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Prioritizing Your Relationship Like You Prioritize Parenting
Our children are so important to us that our relationships often fall to the wayside. Over time, couples may begin to feel like roommates, co-managers, or logistical coordinators instead of romantic partners. But it doesn’t have to stay that way.
This article explores practical, honest, and sometimes humorous ways to reconnect with your partner and keep your relationship strong while navigating the chaos of parenthood.
1. Ignore Them a Little
Yes, you read that right. As devoted as you are to your children, they don’t need your undivided attention every single moment. A little benign neglect is good for everyone.
Giving your children some space to entertain themselves fosters independence, creativity, and self-reliance. And most importantly, it gives you and your partner a few precious moments to reconnect.

In our home, we’ve carved out a ritual: after dinner, the kids are gently but firmly reminded that it’s “Mum and Dad time.” We pour a glass of wine, sit down together, and talk about our day, our plans, or nothing important at all. It’s a daily check-in that says: you still matter to me.
It didn’t happen overnight, it took time to train the kids to understand that this window of time isn’t for them. But the consistency paid off. And honestly, the mayhem they create while we chat is worth the reconnection.
2. Avoid Autopilot
Raising children brings with it endless tasks and routines, and it’s easy to lose each other in the monotony. Many couples unknowingly shift into autopilot: managing the household, meeting the kids’ needs, and passing each other like ships in the night.
The problem with autopilot is that it breeds emotional distance. One day, you wake up and realise you haven’t had a real conversation in weeks.
To combat this, stay curious about your partner. Ask them how they’re feeling, what they’re thinking about, not just what’s for dinner or whether they paid the electricity bill. Tiny moments of connection like “How’s your heart today?” or “Tell me one thing that made you laugh this week” can reignite intimacy.
Your partner’s inner world is still there — don’t forget to knock on the door.
3. Spend Time With Each Other (Yes, Date Night Still Matters)
The idea of Date Night might feel laughable when you’re sleep-deprived, buried in toys, and financially stretched. But it’s not about extravagance — it’s about intention.
Make a standing date — once a week, once a month — whatever you can manage. Hire a babysitter. Swap nights with a trusted friend. Or have an at-home date night once the kids are in bed. Light candles, watch a movie, cook something together, or just sit on the porch and talk.
Yes, it takes effort. But as many couples will tell you, you’ll never regret showing up for Date Night, even if you do it in sweatpants and order takeaway. The point is: you’re choosing each other.

4. Be Kind
Parenting can bring out the best in us — and the most exhausted, irritable, snappy versions too. The problem is, we often direct that frustration at our partner, not our children. They become an easy target when stress is high.
Kindness is not just “being nice” — it’s about choosing grace over criticism, patience over blame, curiosity over assumption. Long-term studies show that kindness is the single most important predictor of a healthy, lasting relationship.
So when your partner forgets to empty the dishwasher again, don’t focus on the failure. Focus on the intent. “I know you’ve had a long day. Thanks for doing it when you get a chance.” This small shift can change everything.
5. Court Spontaneity
If spontaneity were a person, children would be its natural predator. Kids demand structure, routine, and predictability — all of which are kryptonite for spur-of-the-moment romance.
But spontaneity doesn’t have to die. It just has to adapt.
Steal moments when you can:
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Drop the kids off with Grandma and sneak in a brunch date.
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Surprise your partner with a coffee and a kiss in the kitchen.
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Take a day off work without telling the kids and just be together.
Life will always be busy, but spontaneity keeps love alive. As your 5-year-old might say: “If you snooze, you lose.”
6. Bring Sexy Back
Let’s talk about sex. Or more accurately, let’s talk about why sex feels like work when you’re a parent.
You’re tired, exhausted, and wearing the same clothes as yesterday. The mental load of parenting doesn’t exactly scream “romance.” But sex isn’t just about desire — it’s about connection, stress relief, and remembering who you are outside of parenthood.
Don’t wait for the stars to align. Schedule intimacy if you need to. Redefine what intimacy looks like — maybe it’s just lying together, cuddling, talking, or kissing without pressure.
The goal is to make space for physical connection, even in small ways. You don’t need fireworks. Just reconnect.
7. Never Stop Paying Attention
When children enter your life, it’s natural to turn your attention toward them — they need it. But your partner still needs your attention, too.
The strongest couples are those who choose each other daily, even amid diapers, tantrums, and after-school chaos. Keep noticing each other. Compliment their parenting. Thank them for the little things. Give them your eyes, your time, and your presence.
Love doesn’t disappear — it just waits for your attention.

8. Speak Their Love Language
When time is limited, knowing your partner’s love language is like having a shortcut to a deeper connection. Whether it’s:
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Words of Affirmation – “You’re doing an amazing job.”
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Acts of Service – Making their coffee in the morning.
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Gifts – A handwritten note on the mirror.
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Quality Time – Sitting down for 10 uninterrupted minutes.
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Physical Touch – A hug that lingers longer than 2 seconds.
Speak their language in small ways each day. It’s not grand gestures that keep couples strong — it’s the consistent, thoughtful ones.
9. Don’t Wait for Perfect Conditions
Many couples postpone connection — “Once the baby sleeps through the night… once we’re out of this stage… once things calm down.” But perfect conditions are a myth. The longer you wait, the harder it becomes to find your way back.
Start where you are, even if it’s messy, loud, and interrupted. A five-minute conversation is better than none. A tired hug is still a hug. Small investments now prevent emotional bankruptcy later.
10. Laugh Often
Parenting is hilarious if you’re willing to see it that way. Laugh about the mess, the chaos, the weird things your kid said today. Humour is an incredible bonding tool, especially when everything else feels hard.
Inside jokes, silly moments, shared smiles, these build intimacy faster than a perfect vacation ever could.
Conclusion
Strengthening your relationship when you have kids isn’t about having more time; it’s about making the most of the time you do have. It’s about choosing each other again and again, even when it’s inconvenient, messy, or exhausting.
Yes, children are the heart of your family. But the foundation is your relationship. When that stays strong, everything else, including your kids, thrives.
So take a breath. Look your partner in the eye. Make space for love, even in the madness. Your kids are watching. And they’ll learn what a healthy relationship looks like because you lived it.