How to Deal with Your Toddler Refusing to Poop

Parents look forward to and dread toilet training. On good days, it can feel like your child is maturing, gaining independence and learning an important life skill. On bad days, it’s a cause of tantrums, tears, and mess (often at the same time). Just when you thought your toddler had mastered the art of pooing, you might find yourself faced with an unexpected and stubborn challenge.

You’re not the only one who has experienced this. While it may be difficult, you and your child will overcome this phase with the right approach.

When Toddlers Say “No” to Number Two

It’s not just a toddler’s rebelliousness. The real reason is often fear or discomfort. Once that fear takes hold, it may become very real to your child.

Why do toddlers refuse poop?: How To Deal With Your Toddler Refusing To Poop

There are many reasons why a child might suddenly stop doing a poo.

1. Fear after a painful experience

The most common reason why toddlers won’t poop is that they had a painful experience in the past. They may have had a painful experience with a hard stool or constipation. They may be afraid that it will happen again. And fear, as we know, is a powerful deterrent–especially for toddlers who are just beginning to learn how to regulate emotions and process new sensations.

2. Toilet Training Wrong

Toilet training can sometimes be a challenge. Anxiety can be caused by a rushed or hurried approach, negative reactions after accidents or attempting to train a child too early. Some kids’ anxiety is linked to pooing, especially on the toilet.

3. Preference For Nappies

Nappies offer comfort, familiarity and freedom to travel wherever you want. It can be difficult for some toddlers to give up their nappy, especially when it’s something as foreign as a cold seat on the toilet. Your child may have been used to doing their pooing in the privacy of a corner in your home. Suddenly being asked to do so while sitting on a toilet seat might seem strange.

4. Medical Conditions

It’s important to look at medical causes, even if they are rare. Constipation can be caused by gastrointestinal issues, such as coeliac, thyroid or cystic fibrosis. This may be misinterpreted as a refusal to poop. Consult a doctor if the problem persists after you have ruled out all other possible causes.

The Problem with Holding It In

Withholding poop by a child can lead to more serious problems.

What happens to their bodies? When a baby resists the urge for poop, the stool stays in the colon. The colon starts to absorb the water in the stool over time. This makes it hard and dry. Constipation can result.

Next comes the cycle of pain:

• They hold on to it in
• The stool becomes harder
• It hurts to pass it
• They are afraid to return
• They keep it in again

This can lead to:

• Rectal fissures are small tears on the anus.
• Bleeding
• Painful bowel movements
• Poor appetite
• Stomach pain, bloating and discomfort
• Irritability and challenging behaviours
• Accidents (soiling caused by overflow or leakage in the area of hard stool).

No parent wants their child to be in pain, particularly when it results in a stressful relationship with the toilet.

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What you can do to help your toddler poop

Don’t panic if your toddler has a poo-strike. You can help them move past this stage gently and effectively, both literally and figuratively.

Here are some proven strategies that will help you and your child feel more confident.

1. Check their Diet

The diet of your child will have a major impact on how easily they go.

• Water – Hydration is important. Water is important. Offer water all day long. Well-hydrated children are more likely to pass soft, easy-to-pass stools.
• Fibre: Increase fruits and vegetables, as well as whole grains. Apples, pears, prunes and plums are great for moving things along.
• Avoid Foods that Cause Constipation: Too many dairy products, processed foods, or white bread may cause constipation.

After meals, a fruit salad or morning smoothie can help improve bowel regularity.

2. Create Calm Poo Routine

Routines provide structure and predictability, which makes anxious toddlers feel more secure.

• Encourage your guests to visit the toilet after dinner. After meals, the digestive system kicks in.
• Sit your child down for a few moments on the potty or toilet without putting pressure on them to use it.
• Bring entertainment. A book, tablet or toy. It should be a relaxed, fun time.

Tell them it’s ok if nothing happens immediately. It’s important to become comfortable on the toilet.

3. Normalise Conversation

Talking about bodily functions with toddlers helps them to understand what is happening.

• Use books to explain how to use the toilet.
• Speak about poo with no shame. Use positive language, laugh at the funny bits, and answer questions honestly.
• Tell them that even their parents, favorite cartoon characters and animals in the zoo poo!

4. Use Positive Reinforcement

Small rewards, encouragement and praise can do wonders.

• High-fives, stickers or small rewards can be given for sitting on the toilet, even if you don’t use it.
• You worked so hard. “I’m so proud of you!”
• Create a sticker sheet that awards a small reward after a certain number of attempts or success.

Avoid bribes and punishments. This can lead to power struggles, which will make the person more resistant.

5. If necessary, switch back to nappies

It’s ok to let your toddler use a diaper for a while if he or she will not poop on the toilet. But with some conditions.

Encourage them to wear the nappy while sitting on the potty. So they get used to the position and can poop in the correct place. You can slowly remove the nappy as they get older.

This method of gradual desensitisation can be less frightening than an abrupt toilet request.

6. Use a Laxative Natural (Carefully).

Diet alone may not be sufficient if your child already has constipation. Use natural laxatives such as prune, pear or plum juice in moderation.

Start by mixing small amounts (30- 60 ml in the case of toddlers) with water and watch for results. Speak to your doctor if you do not see improvement in a few days or if your child experiences discomfort.

You may also like: Ways to Build Your Childs Vocabulary

7. Consult your GP

You should consult a doctor if your child refuses to poop despite trying all of the above methods. Your GP can:

• Check for medical issues such as thyroid or coeliac disease
• Look for signs of chronic constipation or impaction
• If needed, prescribe a mild stool-softener
• Refer you to a child psychologist or pediatrician for more information on behavioural strategies

Do not hesitate to ask for professional assistance. Early intervention can help prevent future issues.

When You Feel Overwhelmed

It’s hard for a parent to see their child struggle, especially with something so basic and important as using the toilet. You may feel angry, frustrated or helpless when you clean up another accident, or try to get your toddler to use the toilet for the 10th time that day.

Remember this: This is not your responsibility. Nor is it your toddler’s. It’s not a manipulation, but a response based on fear. Like all fears, it will take time, patience, and love to overcome.

Breaks are important. Speak to a partner or friend. If you need to, vent. Remember that this phase is just a temporary one.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

It’s a long, frustrating and exhausting roadblock on the way to independence. But it won’t last forever.

If you provide your toddler with the support they need, gently guide them, and show compassion, many of them will come out the other end happy, healthy, confident, and in control of their bodily functions. In a few years, you won’t remember the sticker charts or prune juice.

Keep going. Continue to show up with patience and love. Even when you don’t feel it, you’re doing an amazing job.

When will that long-awaited poo land in the toilet? You’ve won the parenting lottery in so many ways.