A Parent’s Guide to Supporting an Anxious Child
It can be difficult to watch your child suffer from anxiety. Anxiety can manifest in many ways, including tears before school or tummy pains at bedtime. It is also difficult for both children and their caregivers.
Here’s the good thing: With compassion, understanding, and a few useful tools, you can be your child’s calm place in a storm. You don’t have to be a therapist or even know all the answers. It’s enough to be patient and present with your child.
This post will explore four powerful and parent-friendly ways to connect with your anxious children. The insights are drawn from renowned child-development expert Karen Young. They’re also supported by the real-life experiences of other parents.
Let’s get started.
Understanding Childhood Anxiety – It’s not about Weakness.
It’s important first to dispel some myths.
“We already know that anxiety is not related to courage, strength, or character. “It picks a victim and switches on,” Karen Young, a child psychologist and founder of Hello Sigmund.
Anxiety is not your child’s fault. It is a physiological response. Anxiety can affect any child at any age.
- Sleeping difficulties
- A frequent loss of appetite or stomach aches
- Avoiding social situations or refusing to attend school
- Unexpected crying or irritability
- Panic attacks during new or transitional situations
You’re not the only one who has experienced this. Childhood anxiety is extremely common. Thankfully, there are practical, gentle ways to support your children while maintaining a strong emotional bond.
Step 1: Listen Instead of “fixing it”
It’s normal to try to calm your child down with phrases such as:
- “It’s okay.”
- “You’re fine.”
- There’s no need to worry.
These comments may be well-intentioned, but they can dismiss the very real feelings of your child. They may not help, but instead make your child anxious or feel misunderstood.
What to do instead:
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Validate feelings by saying things like “I can tell you are feeling very worried at the moment. That’s okay. I’m here.”
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Ask open-ended questions. “Can you describe how it feels in your body?” “How does worry feel in your mind?”
The goal is to connect before correcting. You want your child to be able to speak up about what is going on inside without being dismissed.
Step 2: Normalize Your Feelings of Anxiety
Many children feel ashamed or confused about their anxious thoughts. You can help your child by letting them know that they’re not alone and that anxiety is normal.
Karen Young explains that people experience anxiety for many different reasons. “It’s perfectly okay to feel anxiety.”
How to Normalize Anxiety:
- You can also share your examples (age-appropriate): “I too used to get nervous before school presentations.”
- Watch or read books that depict characters who are dealing with anxiety.
- You can use phrases like “This happens to many kids.” Even adults feel this way at times.
Normalizing your child’s experience can help them feel less alone and more in charge. It turns anxiety into a manageable and understandable experience.
Step 3: Give Your Anxiety a Name
A powerful technique for children is to give the anxiety a name. It helps to separate the child’s anxiety from their feelings, which makes it easier to discuss.
How It Works:
- What does your child’s worry feel like to you? Ask your child, “What does your worry feel like?”
- Encourage them to call it something silly or symbolic, such as “Worry Worm,” Anxious Ant,” or “Mr. What-If.”
You can refer to it as a guest once you’ve given it a name:
“Oh no! Is Worry Worm back today?” Tell him that we are busy and he won’t be able to stay for long.
This helps children feel empowered and less overwhelmed by their emotions.
Step 4: Breathe Together and Practice Mindful Calming Techniques
The body’s reaction to anxiety is shallow breathing, a racing pulse, and muscle tension. Teach your child to breathe properly to calm their nervous system.
The “Balloon Belly Technique”:
- Slowly inhale through the nose. Imagine “cool air” entering.
- Fill your stomach like a balloon — not the chest.
- Exhale warm air through your mouth after holding your breath for one second.
- Repeat this 5-10 times.
You can use the following:
“Cool Air in… Fill the balloon… Warm air out …”
Bonus Technique: 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Exercise
This sensory mindfulness technique helps anxious children return to the present moment.
Name your child
- 5 Things You Can See
- Four things you can touch
- Three things you can listen to
- 2 Things You Can Smell
- One thing you can taste
Practising this together in calm moments will help them build a mental toolbox that they can use during stressful situations.
Parental Tips: Personalizing and Practicalizing the Advice
Parents are the best at understanding the daily struggles of raising an anxious child. Natalie, a mum from the UK, shared some simple but effective strategies for her son.
What she did was:
1. Comfort Objects and Pocket Reminders
Natalie gave her child a familiar object from home to keep in his bag. This could be a favorite book or toy. She let him keep something meaningful in his pocket, like a picture, a coin, or a library card.
She said, “It gave him an idea of who I am or his father.”
These objects can be used as emotional anchors to provide security and reassurance during the day.
2. Together, We Can Walk in the Environment
Natalie would take her son on a walk around the area before they started school or entered a new space. Together they explored classrooms and play areas as well as hallways, pointing to interesting features.
They would even pick a “special place” to retreat if they felt overwhelmed.
This strategy reduces anxiety by establishing familiarity and creating a sense of safety.
3. Calming Techniques as a Ritual for the Family
Natalie turned mindfulness into a family activity and not only a way to calm down during anxiety attacks. She taught her son to manage big emotions by incorporating calming routines in everyday life.
Listen Together: Expert-led Conversations for Parents & Kids
It can be helpful to listen to expert voices to reinforce what you’re trying to teach your kids. Listening to podcasts and videos can spark useful conversations in calmer moments.
Recommended Resources
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How to Manage Anxiety in Children Karen Young and Shevonne Hunt discuss how to help children compassionately overcome anxiety in the episode Feed, Play, Love.
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Maggie Den,t Parenting educator, provides insights into designing a home that calms an anxious child’s brain, instead of stimulating it.
These resources are a great resource for parents. They’re empathetic and practical.
Create a Safe Space at Home: Your Child’s Emotional Refuge
It’s possible that you won’t be able to control every anxiety trigger in your child’s life, whether it is at school or with their peers. You can create a nurturing and safe space at home to act as a buffer.
Here’s how:
- Predictability is built by establishing routines.
- Create a calm area with pillows, books, and sensory toys
- Limit the volume of loud and overstimulating environments
- Hugs or hand-holding can provide physical comfort
- Prioritize healthy eating, sleep, and hydration
The more emotionally available and responsive you are, the more confidently your child will face their fears.
Conclusion
It’s not about “fixing” an anxious child, but about helping them navigate through their difficult emotions.
You can send a powerful message to your child by listening instead of rushing, validating instead of dismissing, and breathing with them, instead of forcing them to “get past it.” I’m with you.”
These small moments will lay the foundations for emotional resilience, which will last a lifetime.
