Saying “No” Made Me A Better Mum
As a working mother of three children, my life was a blur of obligations, to-do lists, emotional juggling, and a nagging feeling that I was always falling short. I was proud of my work and prided myself on being productive and reliable, but somewhere along the line, I began to realize that I wasn’t being the mother I wanted to be. I was busy from morning until night, but my heart wasn’t telling the same story.
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Then, I took a risky step: I reduced my working hours. It was initially a decision made to spend more quality time with my youngest, but quickly turned into a shift in mindset that has helped me be more present for my family and myself. It’s also helped me say “yes” more often to the things I want to do. Unexpectedly, I learned that “no” is one of the best parenting tools available.
The Juggling Act Didn’t Work
Let’s face it: motherhood today can feel like a high-stakes balancing act. For years, I struggled to keep up. I was a mum who had a busy schedule, two children in school, a toddler at daycare, and a household that was always humming. I also said yes too many times to work projects, school fundraisers, weekend commitments, and everything else except for myself.
I thought I was doing okay at first. Yes, I was tired, and yes, I got a bit irritated, but aren’t working mums all the same? Were we not all working mums who accepted stress and chaos?
But it was not sustainable. I began to drop the ball in small and big ways. I would forget appointments, I’d forget school events, I’d run on autopilot during meals, and I never felt present even when I was there. My house always felt a little chaotic. I was always rushing around, doing tasks like a machine, and then collapsing in the evening, wondering where time had gone.
The Wake-up Call from My Toddler
My youngest son was the one who broke the cycle, not burnout. In the blink of an eye, my son was almost two. He began to explore, talk more, and develop his personality. While he enjoyed daycare (honestly, he treated it as if it were Disneyland), I realized I was missing out on too many of the little things. The giggles and cuddles are not something that can be planned, but I missed them.
This realization hit me hard. I didn’t wish to remember these years in a blur of car trips and deadlines. I wanted to do more than pack lunches for the kids and arrive home in time for bedtime tales. I wanted to be a mother again.
Make the Call to Cut Back
The final straw was a stressful week. After a long, exhausting day, I was emotionally and physically exhausted and broke down in tears as I made dinner. My husband, who is always the calmest in a storm, asked simply: “What could make this better?”
I immediately said, “Less Work.”
He nodded. He nodded.
We decided to reduce my working hours after a few candid conversations and recalculating the family budget. We decided that the short-term financial loss was worth it for the time being. After a few phone calls and emails, my schedule had been officially reduced. For the first time in many years, I was able to exhale.
Instant relief. I felt as if I had reclaimed my space. Space to breathe. Space to connect. Space was the place I needed to be to be the mother I wanted to become, not just a mum who races from task to task.
The Universe Will Test You
The universe tested my newly discovered boundaries as if by a synchronicity. After cutting my hours by a week, I was presented with several new, exciting work opportunities. Projects that I would have taken on months ago. The old me would have said yes immediately. The new me hesitated… then said no.
It wasn’t easy. These offers were very tempting, but I love my job. I then reminded myself of why I had made the change. I had a full plate, but in the best possible way. My day was filled with sticky hugs, puzzles for early morning, long conversations with my older sons, and spontaneous baking at midday. I was tired.
No was not a rejection. It was an expression of priorities. Once I started, I couldn’t quit.
Snowball Effects of Saying “No”.
The first step was to reduce my workload. After I realized how liberating it was to save my time and enter, I began to examine all other areas of my personal life that were cluttered with unneeded obligations.
- I declined to attend social events that I did not want to.
- I refused to pay for the streaming subscription that we have never used.
- With sincere apologies, I declined to help organise the school’s next fundraiser.
- I don’t believe in keeping up an appearance just to keep people happy.
Every no meant a yes for something else – yes for more downtime. Yes to a calmer brain.
Then something amazing happened: I improved. I was less snappy with the children. I laughed more and nagged less. I began to enjoy motherhood, rather than feeling like I was barely making it.
The Ripple Effect in Our Family
Our whole family changed as I gained time and energy. Mornings became more relaxed. I could sit down with my toddler and eat breakfast together instead of yelling orders at her while packing lunchboxes. I began walking my kids to school rather than driving them in a hurry. Weekends were not just for recovery, but also to build real relationships.
After gaining more mental space, I started to do things I used to enjoy: baking, gardening, crafting with my kids, and planning weekend adventures. I didn’t try to squeeze everything in, but I wantedtod do it.
My relationships have improved. My husband noted that I seemed less stressed and more present. My older brothers said I appeared happier. My toddler? He smiled more. He smiled more than I did.
Why We Struggle To Say No
No mum can deny that they struggle with saying no. We often say yes, even when it hurts, because of guilt, social pressures, financial concerns, or fear of losing out on a career advancement.
Here’s what I’ve learned: saying no isn’t selfish. It’s intentional. When you decide to focus your limited energy on the things that matter, you’re doing it intentionally.
It doesn’t mean that you are lazy, ungrateful, or unhelpful. You’re just being human. When you respect your limits, it allows you to be more present and happy in places where you are needed most.
Even if You Can’t Cut Back on Work, You Still Have the Right to Say No
But I do understand that some families cannot afford to have a parent reduce their working hours. Even if you can’t cut back on your work, there are still other ways to make space.
- You can streamline chores if you involve your children more.
- Are you able to say no to extra commitments that drain your energy and do not give much in return?
- You could cut back on screen time by one hour to allow for a peaceful bath or brisk walk.
- After a certain amount of time, can you stop responding to work emails?
- You may want to decline just one item this week if it feels too much.
- Tiny changes can add up. A small no today could lead to a large yes tomorrow.
What I Would Like to Say to oOtherMums
You should reevaluate if you feel overwhelmed, tired, or spread thin. You don’t need to do everything. Doing less is the key to a better motherhood.
Say no to noise. Say no to guilt. Say no to pressure.
Say Yes to Yourself
Say yes to your children
Accept a life of alignment, not efficiency.
You can want more happiness, peace, and presence. You don’t need to work yourself to the ground for it.
Conclusion
In retrospect, I do not regret my years of hard work. It would have been better if I had learned earlier that my value is not measured by how busy or inactive I am. Saying no and cutting back on my ambitions was not about giving up. It was about focusing on what’s important in this season of my life.
What is the season like? It’s fleeting. It’s not forever. I want to be there for them.
Take a deep breath if you feel out of touch or on the verge of burnout. What do you truly want? If the answer is to slow down, say no, or do less, permit yourself.
Sometimes, the best thing you can do for your children is to first take care of yourself.
